


We Are Giants

by readersanonymous (fanficprince)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (will update tags as the story progresses), F/M, Light Angst, OCs (and quite a few of them?), Polyamory, Polygamy, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:06:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 50,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficprince/pseuds/readersanonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the future suddenly becomes unclear, one thing is certain. Your best friends are in love with you and this makes for an interesting life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“One double scoop for the lady,” Bucky hands you a cone with your favorite ice cream flavors in it. You give him a quick pinch on the cheek and smile, happily licking away the sweetness. Steve quickly grabs his cone and pays the bill.

“You guys are the best, you know that?” You hand your cone over to Bucky, who welcomes the sharing. 

Steve wraps his arm around your shoulder, “well, we did say we’d buy you ice cream if you aced all your classes this semester.”

“And you did so…” Bucky bites into the cone then hands it back to you. 

“Can you believe it's already summer?” You slip out of Steve’s grip and walk in front of them. “I’ll be in university soon.”

You glance up at your friends. Bucky was starting military training in the fall and Steve was training to get into the military. You were going to nursing school, so you could be there for them later in the future. But all this means is that you three will be a ways away from each other for a few years. Which relates to the sad looks on their faces when you say that.

“Hey, I’ll come to visit often,” you stop to pat Steve on the shoulder. “It's not too far from here.”

Steve looks down, “yeah, I know but it's just that…”

“We haven't been separated ever Y/N,” Bucky cuts in. “I won't even get to see you guys until after training, if I'm lucky.”

You all get to the front porch of your house and you unlock the door. Once everyone’s inside, Bucky shuts the door and sits down on the couch. Steve quickly joins him and you make yourself comfy on the floor in front of them. 

“I’m sure we’ll be okay,” you eat the last piece of the ice cream cone. “We’re best friends, that's not going to change...right?”

Steve hands Bucky the rest of his ice cream, “of course not. If we can't see each other, we’ll write letters. We’ll always find a way to stay in touch.”

Bucky pulls his backpack off and pulls out two boxes, “speaking of keeping in touch, here's a little something from me.”

“Woah Buck,” you take the box marked with your name from him. “Where did you get the money to do this?”

“Let's just say serving at the local diner pays well when you look as beautiful as me,” Bucky bats his eyelashes and you and Steve burst into laughter.

You rip the paper and pull out a Polaroid camera, “this is amazing.”

Steve pulls out the same thing, “damn, this is nice.”

“So now, we can send each other photos in the mail. A photo is worth a thousand words, so that’ll help your note-writing hand Y/N,” Bucky reaches out for a high five, which you and Steve humbly give. “And I want to see those progress pics, Steve. You better be one buff kid once I get back.”

“It looks like someone’s grown up to be a fine young man,” you stand up and give Bucky a quick kiss on the cheek. “Make sure the next girl who kisses you is as good to you as you are to us.” 

Bucky touches his cheek, “will do ma’am.”

You slap him on the shoulder playfully and squeeze yourself in between him and Steve in the couch, squeezing Steve’s hand lightly in sheer excitement. Steve puts the film in his camera and holds it up for the three of you to take a photo. You all smile and the flash snaps, a photo falling out of the opening. Steve takes it and starts shaking it, letting the film expose itself. 

You hold the finished photo in your hand, with Steve and Bucky looking over your shoulder. There's nothing better than this. It captured your friendship perfectly. You get up and grab a marker, titling the photo “Together.”

“Til the end of the line,” you scribble on the back and hand it to Bucky. “I think you deserve this one since you need the most motivation.”

Bucky tucks the photo away in his shirt pocket, “I’ll hang this up in my bunk. I’m sure it’ll keep me going.”

“It better,” Steve snaps. “I want a good reference for when I join.”

You throw the film in your camera and lean over next to Bucky, snapping a funny photo of the both of you. You pull it out and shake away, looking at the artwork you’ve just created. 

“Well I mean, thanks for leaving me out…” Steve frowns.

You quickly scribble “your idiots” on the photo and hand it to Steve, “it's for you, dumbass. So you don't forget to laugh sometimes when you're prepping.”

Bucky fumbles with his backpack and pulls out his camera, “does this mean I get to take one too?” 

You laugh, “sure Bucky, what's your idea for my photo?”

He thinks for a bit then leans over you and whispers something to Steve, which he gives a big thumbs up too. Bucky then hands you the camera, moving your arms out in front of you, as if you’re taking a photo of yourself. 

“Close your eyes and take the photo when you feel something, trust me on this,” Bucky puts your finger on the button. “You’ll know exactly when to take it.”

You nod and close your eyes. There isn't much happening for a while. No ‘feeling’ so you kind of just sit there with your finger ready to snap a photo. Then you suddenly feel two pairs of lips press against your two cheeks, which makes you instinctively snap a photograph. You open your eyes to see Bucky and Steve laughing and smiling. You give both of them a quick slap on the knee.

“What the hell was that?” You take the photo out and shake it. 

Bucky takes the photo from your hand and scribbles something on it for you, giving it back when the photo has come out. It says ‘the loves of my life’ on it and it was a perfect photo of Steve and Bucky kissing you on the cheek. 

“You know it's true,” Bucky says.

“Plus it makes a great story for when you move into your dorm. ‘Oh Y/N, who are those handsome young fellas kissing you? Do you have two boyfriends??’” Steve makes a very astonished face and you nearly punch him in the face.

“And this, my friends, is the reason why I’m single,” you pinch both of their cheeks at the same time. “I can't get rid of you two cockblocking sons of bitches.”

Bucky wraps his large arms around you and gives you a light noogie, “if only you could get rid of us, too bad that's impossible.”

“I wouldn't want to anyways,” you put your arms around both of them. “I’d rather have the two of you over some lame guy any day.”

Bucky pulls out his photo from his pocket and raises it into the air, “to friendship. May it last forever.”

“To friendship. May it bring us joy,” Steve raises his.

You smile and raise yours, “to friendship. May it fuel our love.”

You all tap your photos together. If only you knew what the future had in store. 

 

If only you knew…


	2. Chapter 2

You were packing for your family’s annual vacation when you hear something hit your window. You quickly glance around, but nothing is there. The wind was high this morning so you assume it's just the wind playing tricks with your brain. 

Your bedroom door opens and you scream. Your parents stand at the door and look at you worried. You hold your heart and feel how fast it's beating but you insure them you’re okay.

You slowly breathe out, “I’m fine. Just a light scare, that's all.”

“We’re sorry you don't get to see Bucky off, darling. You know if we could rebook the tickets, we would.”

“It's alright,” you were sad but you and Steve threw Bucky a surprise going away party a few days ago so it wasn't all bad. “It’s a little upsetting but I’ll live.”

“That's good to hear. Finish packing and get some rest, we have an early morning ahead of us.”

You nod and your parents shut the door behind them as they leave. You go back to packing, closing up the last few accessories in the front pockets then carrying your suitcase over to your bedroom door. Something hits your window again and you turn to look at it. You open your window and almost yell but a hand catches you before you do.

“Shhhh, you’ll alert your parents,” Bucky whispers, climbing through your window.

You slap the arm that's covering your mouth, “you scared me half to death.”

You pull him into your room as quietly as you can and shut the window. You run to check on your parents, who are sound asleep in their room, before going back to talk to Bucky.

“What are you doing here?” You say, still speaking quietly. “You know you could've come through the front door, you’ve slept over here enough times.”

“I didn't want to bother your parents. You guys have enough to worry about with your trip tomorrow morning,” Bucky sits down on your bed, admiring your funky sheets. “And I'm here because I wanted to see you before I left.”

“You’re not dying Buck,” you gesture for him to scoot over. “We’ll see each other again soon.”

“You know you could at least pretend you're happy to see me,” Bucky makes a really sad face and you take back everything you said.

“I don't mean it like that!” You say slightly too loud and cover your mouth quickly, listening to make sure your parents didn't hear that. “I’ve never been happier. I really wanted to see you off tomorrow.”

“That's good to hear,” Bucky brushes your hair away from your face. “I really wanted you to be there.”

“Well then I'm glad you decided to climb through my window like we’re in grade school all over again,” you ruffle his hair. “Though, I should thank you and Steve for doing that. Bad first impression but you guys cleaning my house for a month really brought us closer. Plus my parents love you guys now.”

Bucky laughs, “oh my god, I almost forgot about that. My back hurt for weeks after that and your mom still calls us over to help with mopping every so often.”

“Just a couple of idiots,” you lightly punch him in the arm. “But you guys are my idiots.”

You and Bucky sat there, talking for as long as you could. Before you knew it, it was already 3 in the morning and you were heading out at 5. 

“You should be getting to sleep, Y/N,” Bucky opens your window. “I’ll be letting myself out.”

“It was really great,” you say, walking to Bucky. “This. I’ll miss this. I’ll miss you.”

Bucky climbs back in, “hey Y/N. I forgot to give you something before I left.”

“What did you-” your words were cut off by Bucky’s lips. Your eyes were open wide when his lips collide against yours. His hand held your face gently against his and his lips kissed yours so softly. Your eyes slowly slide shut and you let him kiss you. It was your first kiss. Was this what kissing was like? Wait, what's going on? Bucky, one of your best friends, was standing here in your bedroom, kissing you. His lips parted from yours and he held his forehead against your forehead. 

“I wasn't going to do this,” his breath tickles your lips. “But I had to kiss you before I left.”

“Bucky…” His name slips from your lips.

“You don't have to return my feelings, but Y/N,” Bucky releases you from his grip and smiles at you. “The years that I’ve known you were the best years of my life. I may have thrown it all away today, but I realize I couldn't go out there, into the field, without knowing what it was like to kiss you.” 

Bucky steps out of your window and looks back. You had instinctively lunged forward and grabbed onto his sweater. You felt the soft fabric against your fingertips. It was the sweater you had bought him. The one where you sewed the word “fighter” on the heart. It was a good sweater. 

“You could never throw away our friendship Bucky,” you decide that was the best thing to say. 

“Good,” Bucky steps outside and leans back inside. “I’ll take that as a maybe.”

“It's a maybe,” you wave him goodbye. Bucky slowly walks away, facing you. When you can't see him anymore, you shut your window. 

You couldn't sleep. Your heart was beating way too loud. All you could think about was the way Bucky’s lips felt on yours.


	3. Chapter 3

“Well today’s the day,” Steve takes one of your bags out of your hand as you both walk to the train station together. “I don't know if I should be happy your parents aren't here.”

“They offered to let you see me off. I think they still feel bad about not being about to see Bucky off so they want me to at least have some quality time with my other best friend before I go,” you smile at Steve carrying your big purse. 

“It is really good to be able to see you off,” Steve takes a hold of your hand and squeezes. “It totally sucks not being so close to each other anymore though.”

You held onto Steve’s hand tight, “I know. Who am I going to bother now? What will I do when I need a cute face to pinch?”

“You better not find another best friend,” Steve pinches your arm.

“Ouch!” You swat his hand away as Steve laughs at your sudden reaction. “It’d be too difficult to find someone as annoying as you, don't worry.”

“Then I'm glad I’m such an annoying person,” Steve stops in front of the train platform with you by his side. “I wish I could come with you.”

“I wish you could too,” you pull him in for a hug.

“Til the end of the line,” he tells you reassuringly.

You take Steve’s face in your hands and kiss him gently on the forehead. The train whistles sound and you have to get on. But before you step on the train, a hand grabs yours. You turn around and are met by Steve, who steps up on the train and leans down to kiss you. His lips are shaky but you hold his cheek in your hand and steady him. 

His lips leave yours, “sorry, haven't really done this before.”

“Trust me, neither have I,” you brush your thumb gently against his cheek. “It was nice.”

“Like you,” Steve hops down from the train. “I’ve always liked you Y/N. But I understand if you don't feel the same. I’d rather have your friendship.”

“You’ll always be my best friend,” you squeeze his hand. “And I’ll always like you, so we’ll see what the future holds for us.”

You step onto the train, your hand still holding his tightly. 

“See you soon,” the train starts to move and it pulls your hand out of Steve’s and you can see him run and try to keep up with the train up until the end of the platform. 

“Write to me!” You scream at the top of your lungs and in a flash, you can't see him anymore. 

You carry your bags up to an empty seat and throw them on the ground besides it. With a sigh, you sit down and lean your head against the window. Looking back at the place you’ve known your whole life, you want to think about the future. But the past is keeping you from focusing. Just a few days ago, Bucky had given your first kiss and then today, Steve had his first kiss with you. 

“What is going on?” You can feel a blush creep onto your cheek.

Your best friends have just confessed their love for you. Had they always seen you that way? Maybe they always have, but you just didn't see it. You move your hand up to touch your lips. All those joke kisses you’ve given, did they mean something more to them? Every time you kiss Bucky on the cheek whenever he did something good, every time you kissed Steve’s forehead to calm him down, were those out of love or friendship? Did you love them? 

Of course you loved them. They were your best friends. But was it a romantic love? Your heart was still beating hard from the kiss from Steve. It was the same feeling you felt after Bucky kissed you. 

Was this love?

“Is it even possible to love more than one person?” You blurt out into the air, quickly covering your mouth with your hands. You glance around but it looks like you're the only one in this train cart so you let out a sigh of relief. 

The idea of polygamy and being polyamorous was associated incredibly negatively in western culture, with a lot of sexual connotation as well so it was difficult to even think about. But this is how you felt. Your love for Bucky and Steve wasn’t sexual. You can't even imagine them touching you, having their way with you. Well… Maybe a little. Shit, what is going on? You’ve never thought of them this way. Your cheeks boil when you think about all the times Bucky has changed clothes in front of you. How many times have you changed in front of them! Oh god. OH GOD. WERE YOU WEARING NICE UNDERWEAR???!!!

Whenever you think back about the thoughts you had about Bucky and Steve before this, you realize something. Your future. You always saw them in it. You never saw a good paying job or a good looking husband or children. You saw them. You wanted to be with them forever. You imagined living with them, being with them. Spending your mornings with them and spending your nights with them. Being able to wake up to their really strange sleeping positions and being able to fall asleep to Steve’s soothing breathing and Bucky’s strong grip. 

“Was I in love with them this entire time?” You pull your journal out from your bag and look at the photo of you, Steve and Bucky. They were kissing you on the cheek, which isn't that strange of a thing. It felt so different now that you look at it again. Your face flushes and you look away from the photo, then back again. 

Had you really been this blind? Had you just been ignoring the aching feeling in your chest and believing it was friendship that was making you feel this way? Your heart aches, but it aches for them. 

It aches for a chance to love them, the way you realize you love them.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Five years later… _

It took forever for the letters to get to you, like always. You hadn't seen Bucky or Steve in years but they stayed in your memory with their letters. You practically sped through school so you could have a chance to see them again, but sadly, that didn't end up happening. Right after your graduation, you were afforded a job abroad, nursing soldiers. It paid very well and you trained other nurses because you were top of your class. So before you could even go home to at least see Steve, they shipped you off. 

You clutch the photo of Steve and Bucky in your hand. It was a new photo, well a few months old but that's just what happens with slow mail. Steve was accepted into the military and Bucky had snapped a photo of the both of them before Steve left for training. They look so adorable.

“Hey Melinda,” you call a fellow nurse over. “Do you mind snapping a photo of me?”

“Of course ma’am!” She takes the camera from your hand and you pose at your new workstation. Once she snaps two photos, she hands you the Polaroids and camera and leaves to tend to a patient. 

You shake the photos in your hand and look at it. It's been awhile since you’ve moved to this new station so you haven't had the chance to send the boys a photo of you. The photo makes you look a little tired, but it was genuine, which is all that mattered. 

_ Dear Steve, _

_ I hope this letter gets to you quickly. I heard you made it into the military! Good for you, maybe we’ll see each other soon. For all you know, you might get stationed with me. I’ll take good care of you if you do. Work hard, like I always know you do. _

_ Here's a photo of me at my new workstation. They’ve promoted me to head caretaker and all the nurses report to me. It's a lot of responsibility but I like the work.  _

_ I miss you. Write back soon.  _

_ Love, _

_ Y/N _

You seal the letter and the photo in and address the envelope to the training station Steve is being sent to. 

_ Dear Bucky, _

_ Hope you're doing well. I heard you have a big mission coming up. Stay safe, alright? I'm not there to heal you if you come back all broken up, so you better stay healthy. I wish they'd station you here with me so I could look after you, but it doesn't seem like we’ve been very lucky.  _

_ Nevertheless, here's a little something to remind you of me. Hopefully this gets to you before you leave.  _

_ I miss you. Write back soon. _

_ Love, _

_ Y/N _

You repeat the same process but address it to the station Bucky is being sent to. You take the letters and drop them in the mail room, asking the mailman to please mail it out quickly. The mailroom staff are quite familiar with you since you’re always writing and receiving letters. 

“So when are we going to meet the notorious Steve and Bucky?” The mailman, Joseph, leans over the counter, taking your letters. 

“I hope sometime soon,” you sigh. “I haven't seen them in years. All I have are photographs.”

“It’s hard not being able to see your loved ones,” Joseph adds stamps to your letter and sends for it to be mailed priority. “But that's just what this work entails. At least we have letters.”

“Thank the heavens for letters,” you smile. “And thank you, for always being so kind.”

“It's no problem at all! You cooked a wicked stew the other day, reminded me of my mom’s. That was enough to pay back for this, don't you worry.”

“You and your friends are welcome over anytime,” you give him a thumbs up. “You guys were great sports. Would love to dine with you again.”

“I'm glad to hear that. Are you heading home?” 

“Yeah, I'm calling it a day. Apparently we have some superstar coming tomorrow, so I should get some rest and make a good impression for the nurses.” 

“Captain America, right?” Joseph leans over again, this time whispering. “He's smoking hot, have you seen him?”

“No I haven't,” you shake your head. “And I’d rather not spoil the surprise.”

“Suit yourself,” Joseph bats his eyelashes. “He's a real stud.”

“Good night Joseph,” you wave goodbye before heading out. You hitch a ride with the officials into town, where you have a small apartment. You could live in the station with the other nurses, but you liked having your own space. Most of the officials, that handle paperwork and logistics, live in town too, so getting a ride is always easy. 

Once you're inside your apartment, you plop down onto your bed and sleep like a baby. Your mind fills with images of who this “Captain America” fellow could be. Was he an Uncle Sam-like character? You heard he did propaganda campaigns for the war to recruit new soldiers but you didn't care for the flashiness so you never watched. 

You liked your men humble and sweet. 


	5. Chapter 5

“I swear to god, everyone has their panties wet for this guy,” the official driving says on the car ride over. “I heard the nurses were all dolling themselves up today.”

“Hey, what are you complaining about?” You snap back. “You get to be in a room filled with pretty girls, who cares where their eyes are looking.”

“Y/N has a good point,” the official next to you says. “When he breaks their hearts, they’ll be all over us.”

“Careful with your words,” the official sitting shotgun warns. “Y/N will have your ass if you disrespect her nurses.”

You make a fist and look at the official next to you menacingly, “you got that right bucko. I’ll have your head!”

“I’m surprised to see you decided to throw on some rouge for this fine occasion,” the driving official asks. “Are you also partaking in this endeavor that is Captain America’s arrival?”

“In his dreams,” you scoff. “The girls made me, said I should look presentable as the head nurse. Couldn't show up looking like complete shit, even if I wanted to.” 

You make a very sad face and the officials all let out a good laugh. You all pull up to the military post and get out. They all walk you to your workstation and wave goodbye. You have only been here two months but it felt really nice knowing so many people. It wasn't the same as having Steve and Bucky again, but it helped soothe the emptiness you felt in your heart. 

You pull out two letters, one from Bucky and one from Steve. They were old letters, from a few years ago, but you kept all of their letters. The ones you loved the most came with you to work, they served as motivation. 

_ Dear Y/N, _

_ I just realized we’ve never gone out to get drinks together, unless you count that one beer we shared when your parents were away. Steve nearly puked! Good times. _

_ All we do here is drink beers and pick up chicks when we aren't out in the field. I try my hardest to stay focused and have fun with the guys, but it's always hard looking at other girls when I know there's one waiting for me if I ever come home. I really want to come home. God I miss you. And Steve. Especially you. Hope your exams are going well. Your last report card was amazing, keep up the good work. Write back soon. _

_ Love, _

_ Bucky _

Drinking really does suck sometimes. All the nurses like to drag you out to drink so you could help them get guys. Apparently you were really good at spotting good guys, it was in your blood. They always messed with you and asked you why you never hit on anyone when you all went out. But you just...can't. Whenever you see someone in a bar, no matter how attractive they may be, you think about the two boys you left at home. Home, they were home. And boy, were you homesick.

_ Dear Y/N, _

_ Is it even possible to feel homesick when I'm literally the only one ‘home’? It's just not the same here without you and Bucky. Ice cream doesn't taste good. Working out sucks so much more. Getting hit always hurts and sometimes I really don't want to get back up. But then I think about you and how you would react if you were there. Then I always manage to get back up.  _

_ You’re always on my mind. Knowing that you're well keeps me motivated. School has been going good for you, which makes me very happy. Your letters are always the highlight of my days, keep sending them okay?  _

_ Hope to hear from you soon. _

_ Love, _

_ Steve _

Your heart clenches a little bit. The emptiness, it was starting to hurt again. It felt like someone had hollowed out your chest. You could barely breathe but you took a sip of water and steadied yourself. Everything went back to normal and you sigh. Your heart was beating faster than normal and it was such an unfamiliar feeling. 

“He's here!” A nurse screams. You can see a trail of nurses running towards the front of the military post so you decide to join the fun. You take your time walking and end up in the back of the crowd. 

It was impossible to see what the hell all the fuss was about. From your distance, he just looked like a muscular guy dressing in patriotic clothing. You couldn't make out his face but you could see the shield flashing. 

“Y/N,” a fellow nurse, Reina, pulls you into the crowd. “Come here! You’ll get a better view of his face from here.”

She drags you deeper into the crowd until you can make out his face. His face. That smile. You can subtly hear his laugh as he tells one of the officials something about his trip. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” you say, kind of too loud. 

The crowd of nurses look straight at you and you look up at Captain America, your old pal Steve Rogers. His eyes lock onto yours and they widen so big, they almost fell out of his head. Steve makes his way through the crowd to you, with help from everyone parting the way. 

“I must be dreaming,” you walk, no, run, into Steve’s arms. He holds you up in a strong embrace, “I must be dreaming right?”

Steve puts you back on the ground and holds your face in his hands, “I must be the one dreaming. You’re here.”

“You're here!” You lightly shove him. “I can't believe it. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here on a rescue mission,” Steve keeps his gaze on you. “I guess there's an upside to it.”

“Y/N, you know Steve Rogers?” Peggy Carter, your old boss, asks.

“Indeed I do,” you smile. Steve wraps his arm around you and messes with your hair. “He’s an old friend.”

“Well then, I supposed it a good thing he knows someone as high ranked as you,” Peggy gestures for you and Steve to follow her. “Come along, we have much to discuss.”

Peggy opens the door to an office and you and Steve walk in. You had just finished telling Steve about the one time where you found a hamster in a man’s-

“So I'm assuming you're also friends with James Buchanan Barnes?” Peggy asks you directly.

“Yes ma’am,” you nod. 

“Then I'm glad you're here too,” Peggy sits down so you follow her lead as Steve stands by the door. “Steve’s here to find him.” 

“To find Bucky?” Your eyes widen and you glance over at Steve. “What happened to him?”

“He went missing, presumed dead, a couple weeks ago,” Peggy explains. “When Steve got the news, he immediately wanted to go find him so that's why we’re here.”

Your heart felt a strong ping when she said ‘presumed dead’ so much so that you leaned over to stop the pain from spreading. 

“I’ll find him Y/N,” Steve puts his hand on your shoulder. “He's near here, in a prison, I believe. I’m going to get our friend out.”

You hold onto Steve’s hand, “please find him.”

“I will,” Steve kisses your hand and holds it tightly. “I’ll bring him home.”

“You leave at dusk Steve,” Peggy says. “Will you be staying here or…?”

“You’re welcome to stay at my place,” you offer. “If you don't mind sharing a bed again.”

“If it means I get more than a third of the bed, I’m in,” Steve laughs. God, you missed that laugh. 

“That settles it then. You have a long day ahead of you, Steve. Get some rest,” Peggy walks out but says a final word. “And I'm glad to see two old friends reunited.”

She shuts the door behind her and you pull Steve into a strong embrace. 

“When did you get so…” You touch his chest, feeling his heartbeat against your palm.

“A while ago,” Steve takes your hand and presses it closer. “I look different, don't I?”

“You look good,” you come closer to him and rest your head on his chest. “Still warm as always. Just a lot more room to rest my head now.”

Steve holds you against his chest, wrapping his strong arms around you. It felt so strange but so familiar at the same time. You were so used to Steve’s small arms and thin physique and how nice it was to know you could pick him up and twirl him around. Now, it's the other way around. You were the small one but strangely, you're not complaining. The smile on Steve’s face is enough for you to know that he's happy with himself, which made you happy. You were so happy.

“Are you alright Y/N??” Steve pulls you away from his chest to wipe the tears falling from your face.

“Yeah, yeah,” you reach up to brush the tears away. “I’m-I'm fine. I just-wow, you're here. You’re really here.”

The tears couldn't stop pouring. He was really in front of you. Five years. Five years without seeing him. And now he's in front of you. You could touch him. You could hold him. You could feel him. He was here with you. 

“I’m here,” Steve leans down and presses a kiss on your lips. “I’ll always be here.”

“Steve,” you pull him down for another kiss. And another. And another. Before you knew it, he had pushed you up against the wall of the office, smothering you with his lips. It felt so hot, like your whole body was lighting on fire. His lips clinged onto yours, hungry and filled with longing. You had forgotten about this. Who were you kidding, you never forgot. You always dreamed about this. About his lips on yours again, about him. 

When his lips let go of yours, you try your best to keep yourself from pulling him back. You both stand there, his arms set at your sides and his body pressing you against the wall. Your heart was beating so fast and so was his.

“Sorry, I just,” Steve lets out fast but long breaths. “Wow I haven't felt breathless in ages.”

Your vision was a little hazy and it felt like the whole room steamed up, “I must be dreaming.”

Steve kisses you on the forehead and smiles, “it's real life.”

You hold him tightly against your body, never wanting to let go, “thank god.”

Steve was here with you. You were halfway home. Now, it's time to get the rest of the way there. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING W00T! For now, it's just some fun loving with Steve but never fret, it's good loving ;) this is also a REALLY LONG chapter, I may have gotten a little carried away...

“So this is where you’ve been living the past few months?” Steve plops down on your couch and you throw him a shirt and sweats.

“Yep, cozy, isn't it? And don't get any wrong ideas, they're from my friend Joseph, who’s a pretty big fan of yours,” you grab two beers from the fridge, heading Steve one. “You should get out of that attire, save it for the mission soldier.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Steve laughs and pulls off the Captain America uniform. Shit. SHIT. You try your best to act normal as he throws on the shirt and sweats but your eyes disobey. They run rampant, looking at Steve’s new body. Your heart starts beating as you remember what went on in the office back at the military post. That body, Steve’s body, was pressing you up against a wall.

You can feel a hot blush run across your face and you excuse yourself to shower and change, blaming the mildly hot weather. Your room was cool and being away from Steve really helped your heart from bursting out of your chest. You felt like you were going to explode. Every part of you was hot and you peeled off all your clothes, most of which are soaked in nervous sweat. You go into the bathroom to shower and come back out feeling a lot fresher. You throw on one of Bucky’s shirts that he mailed to you a year ago along with some boy shorts. You take a deep breath and open the door back into the living room.

“Did I startle you?” Steve asks, scratching the back of his head. “I forgot we haven't seen each other in a while. I'm just so used to changing in front of you.”

You flail your arms frantically, “no, no! It's fine. I’m fine. It's just a little hot today, that's all and I really wanted to get that makeup off.”

Steve scoops his arm around you and brings you closer to him on the couch, “are you sure I didn't startle you?”

He was close. Too close. His hands made their way inside your shirt, pressing firmly against your hot skin. He was practically on top of you, your faces inches away from each other’s.

“How about now?” Steve holds you close as he pulls you into a kiss. His tongue found his way into your mouth and the kiss deepened. It was literally taking your breath away. Every breath was hotter than the next. His hands climb up to squeeze your breasts and you release yourself from his lips to let out a soft moan.

Steve takes the opportunity to pull off your shirt but you stop him. Your heart. Your body. It wanted him so badly. But…

“Steve,” you say softly. “I love you. But…”

“You also love Bucky?” Steve smiles, brushing your hair back. “I know Y/N.”

“You know?” You’re a little confused because you hadn't really told either of them your direct feelings.

“When I saw Bucky for the first time in years, all the secrets spilled out. He confessed that he was in love with you and I did too. And we both realized you loved us too. We didn't feel right making you choose so,” Steve leans you back against the couch. “We decided we’re going to share you, if it's alright with you.”

“You mean… I get to love you both? Is that even possible?” You can't even imagine it. Was it even fair? They both knew they couldn't have you all to themselves, they'd have to share while you got both of their affections. “Steve, it's not fair to you or Bucky. It's just too selfish for me to…”

“Y/N,” Steve caresses your cheek. “We want to be with you. You're not being selfish for having too much love to give. You’re not being selfish for wanting us both, when we want you too. We love you.”

“But you have to share me,” you shake your head. “That's not fair to you. I can't let you do this. You guys can't both love me.”

“Don't you understand? We already do. We’ve shared your love our entire lives. We’ve always shared you,” Steve kisses you on the forehead. “Y/N, I love you and you love me. But you also love Bucky and he also loves you. Bucky and I have agreed that you mean more to us than anything in the world and that sharing you is a blessing. We get to be with you for the rest of our lives, together, as a family, at home. I can't think of a more perfect life.”

The tears were coming again. They're a lot worse than the last time. They loved you. Both of them, together, loved you. And you loved them, you loved them so much. You wanted them, you wanted them both. And now you have them. They want to be with you, they want to share you, they want your love and you were going to give it to them. Is this real? Your best friends were in love with you and you were in love with them and they're willing to share you. Your heart, the emptiness, it's faded. Your heart is full for once. So very full.

“Steve, I love you,” you hold him close to you. Steve does his best to wipe away your tears but you cry through your happiness, “And I love Bucky too. I love you both. Thank you for loving me too and for wanting to be with me. Please take care of me.”

Steve gets up and picks you up into his arms, walking to your bedroom. He lays you down nicely on the bed and lays down next to you, holding your hand. Steve slowly moves on top of you, kissing your hand and putting it up to his chest.

“I don't think my heart has ever beat this fast before,” he grins. “You're so beautiful, Y/N.”

His hands trail back up your shirt and this time, you let him pull it off. You look down and cover your face, you were laying under Steve in just a bra and shorts. The blush creeping on your face was so strong, it felt like it bled through your fingertips.

“I haven't really done this before…” You say nervously, slightly embarrassed.

“Neither have I,” he moves your hands away from your face. “I’ve been waiting for a certain someone to get home.”

You let out a breath as Steve starts to kiss down your neck, nibbling a little on your skin. It was better than you imagined. His lips on your skin, his hands feeling your body, your exposed self in the air, everything was so vibrant.  

“I promised Bucky that'd I’d wait until both of us are present to have my way with you,” Steve unhooks your bra and pulls off his shirt. “But it doesn't mean I shouldn't get a sneak peek.”

The air was suddenly a lot chiller, which perked up your nipples. You wanted so badly to hide your face but Steve’s hand has you pinned down. His hot chest presses against your cold skin and you moan into his shoulder. He's barely touched you but you were a mess.

“Keep moaning,” he whispers into your ear. “I want to hear that you're feeling good.”

Once he says that, you can barely contain yourself. You want to bite back screaming his name as he caresses your breasts with his tongue or when his hands slip down your shorts, feeling you through your underwear, but your body involuntarily lets out noise. You clutch his chest tightly has the friction of the fabric against your clit drives you insane.

“Steve, I-” his fingers pull your panties off, throwing them on the floor. You helplessly grab onto him as he grazes your wetness with his fingers, working small circles around your clit. The direct contact sent you into a frenzy. You tried your best to stop yourself from moaning too loudly but you couldn't help yourself. It was the first time someone besides yourself was touching you.

“Do you want me to keep going? Are you alright?” Steve asks very politely, his voice tinted slightly with worry. His fingers circle your clit ever so slowly, making you go insane.

“Please, keep going,” you can barely breathe out the words but then Steve pulls his fingers away, holding them close to his face. Your body, it practically lunged for him, was feeling empty and you whine, “Why did you stop?”

“Oh, I didn't stop,” he lick his fingers clean. “Or well, maybe a little. I just wanted to look at you before and after.”

“Before and after what?” Your face turns bright red as Steve starts kissing your thighs, making their way to your core. Wait, what. He was, what. He's putting his mouth, where? You barely had time to clutch the sheets before his tongue flicked against your clit. It sent shivers up your body and you wanted more.

You couldn't contain yourself. The moans, his name leaving your lips, they all just spilled out. His mouth against you, it made you-it made you crazy. You were gripping onto your sheets so hard you could practically hear the thread ripping, if you could hear anything over the sound of your lust-filled voice. The sounds coming from Steve weren't helping either. He took his time, diving his tongue in and out of you. Sucking your clit with his mouth, licking you up and down, up and down, his eyes staring right at you.

Oh god, this feeling, it was building up inside you. What was it? Your breathing picked up and all you wanted was more and more friction. Steve gets the message and eats away, sending you into a whirlwind of hot feelings.

It was a literal explosion. Your body began to convulse and something squirted out. You were shaking and your center was soaking wet. The feeling of feverish lust washed over your body and forced you to cling onto Steve’s hair, pressing him against you. He happily licked up all your juices, moaning into you.

“I’ve never-that's never happened before,” you let go of Steve and lay back, holding your hand against your forehead. “What was that?”

“That was an orgasm,” Steve climbs back up to you, kissing you. “Bucky said that might happen, if I did it right.”

“You-you sure did it right,” your words come out in fragments and you can't even believe that was an orgasm. It was pure pleasure surging through your veins. “I've never had one of those before.”

“Well now, I know how to give one,” Steve grazes your cheek with his thumb. “You’ve got me in the palm of your hand, looking like this.”

You didn't realize you were staring at Steve’s mouth and licking your lips. Subconsciously, you wanted him to do it again. And again. You would be a crumbling mess if his mouth worked on you again. But God did you want him. Your core was throbbing and you wanted nothing more than to take him. The feeling of wanting him inside you is seducing but you stopped yourself. He was right, something like that, something big like that, they should wait for Bucky.

“That was amazing.” Steve smiles at the compliment and then is caught by surprise when you pin him down on the bed, “now it's my turn.”

“When did you get so strong?” Steve tries to wiggle out of your grip but you hold him down, grinding yourself against him. “Jesus Y/N…”

“Well I can't let you have all the fun,” you lean down and whisper in his ear. “God you feel so good against me.”

“Don't say those things,” Steve groans as you sneak your hand down his sweats, feeling him through his boxers. “You’re making me regret my promise to Bucky.”

You slowly pull Steve’s length out from his boxers and slide his boxers off. He was hard against your hand and your heart was beating incredibly fast. It wasn't like you've never seen one before like up close. There were moments where you caught a glimpse at Bucky accidentally and now that you think of it, maybe those weren’t such accidents after all. You sit there, holding him in your hand, slightly intimidated by its length but also incredibly aroused.

“Hey, hey,” Steve sits up and massages your shoulder gently. “You don't have to do anything if you don't want to.”

“Teach me,” the words slip out of your mouth.

“Teach you what?” Steve looks at you puzzled but he begins to understand when your other takes his and puts it over yours.

“Teach me how to get you off,” you say shyly. You try your hardest to keep control of the situation but this was all very new to you.

“Okay...well, I start by thinking of something,” Steve closes his eyes and starts moving your hand against him. “I like to start off really slow, almost agonizingly.”

“What do you think about?” You start following the steady pace Steve is setting.

Steve’s face reddens, “I think about this. About you. About all the times I've seen you…”

He lets out a light groan and his speed increases lightly. You take his hand off yours and keep his pace.

Your face also reddens, “you think about me?”

“Oh god, yes,” he leans his head back and bites his lips. “You’re doing really well, just keep this pace.”

“You know the girls, they were talking about how to make a guy feel good,” you lower your face by him. “They said that guys like it when we do this-”

You put your tongue on the base of his cock and lick it all the way to the tip. It's Steve’s turn to grip your sheets, except now you’re almost certain they're ripped.

“Guys also like this,” you swirl your tongue around the tip, making Steve moan your name. “And this…”

You swallowed and then wrapped your lips around his cock, taking him into your mouth. He was a lot to handle so you can't fit him all the way in but your hands make up for the rest. You think about what the girls said and start sucking on his cock. ‘Like a lollipop’ they would say. It was a little weird, feeling him inside your mouth. Steve reaches down and pulls your hair out of your face, trying to bite back curses.

“Are you sure you haven't done this before?” Steve huffs, staring right at you.

You meet his gaze and move your mouth off him, stroking him for the time being, “I promise you I haven't. I didn't even know this was a thing until… You see a lot of strange things on a military outpost.”

“You're,” he sighs, holding back a moan. “You're doing really well. Better than I imagined.”

You move your mouth back onto him, this time just working on the tip. Steve’s huffs and grunts get a little sporadic and you think this as a sign that he's close. In seconds, you can feel his cock spasm and a salty liquid fills your mouth. You pull him out of your mouth and swallow, feeling some of the liquid dripping down the side of your lips. You look over at Steve, who still has his eyes locked on yours. You take this opportunity to wipe your face with your finger and lick up the rest of the liquid.

Steve bites back another curse, “you know you shouldn't do that.”

You decide to play whatever game he's setting up, “and why not?”

He proceeds to pin you down, acting a little rougher this time, “because you're playing with fire.”

“How so?” You try to wiggle your way out from underneath him but he keeps you at bay. Seeing Steve like this, not being all polite and patient, really flipped a switch in your head. You could feel yourself getting wet again, just from the thought of him.

“I don't think you realized it,” he whispers in your ear. “But girls can have multiple orgasms, even back to back.”

Fuck. He wasn't going to. He is. His hand makes its way down your body while his lips stick close to your neck, trying to find a sweet spot. From the way he was nibbling, you were certain you were going to have bruises in the morning but fuck, did they get you going.

“Have you ever touched yourself, Y/N?” Steve presses his fingers against your clit, applying an ample amount of pressure, driving you wild.

Through breaths, you manage to get out, “once or twice but it never felt like this.”

“Well I'm going to show you how to make yourself feel good,” Steve’s finger lingers over your opening. “So that every time you touch yourself, you think about me.”

He slowly pushed a finger in and you nearly shove him away from the sudden entry, but his hand keeps your arms over your head. His fingers were a lot bigger than yours. Like, a lot bigger. He’s only put a finger inside of you and you already felt full. You bite down on your lip _HARD_ when he pulls out and pushes back into you.

Steve takes his finger out of you and looks at you worried, “fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“It felt really good,” you reach for his hand and pull it back down to your center. There was a light cut on your lip but you were fine. It was just a little shocking, but it hit a nerve that sent shockwaves through your body.

Steve leans up to kiss you and nods, “just making sure. If you need me to stop, just say-”

You practically take his hand and place it on your clit. You were craving friction so badly, “please just hurry up and make me break under you.”

Steve gives you what you want and rubs your clit with his callused fingers. You really want to grab onto him and claw him, but you hold yourself back. He puts a finger back inside of you and starts a slow rhythm. Filling you up then making you feel empty, it sent your head spinning. You just wanted to feel full, so full. He slides another finger into you and you scream his name, thrashing against your sheets.

“Faster,” you say, before covering your mouth with your hands. You can't believe you just ordered him to do something to you, something so rough and out of character.

“My pleasure,” he starts thrusting into you at a quicker pace, this time curving his fingers. You can't stop your hands from ripping your already ripped sheets more. He was hitting _that spot_ , the one you've been trying to reach for months. He kept hitting it and you kept moaning and thrashing and then he takes his other hand and rubs your clit and you're done.

More fluid fills your center and you lean back, riding out your orgasm with his fingers. Steve happily prolonged your orgasm and when your core stopped shaking, you let out heavy breaths and smile.

“Oh my god,” you say short-breathed. “Is that what I've been missing out on?”

Steve raises his fingers to his lips and licks them again, smirking, “you taste better and better every time.”

You lightly punch him in the arm and cover your face. “I can't believe I let you do those things to me. I was practically silly putty under your touch.”

“I could say the same about you,” Steve lays down next to you, wrapping you up in his arms. “Hearing you scream my name and moaning, knowing that it's me who's making you that way, I could do this all day.”

“I think I might faint if you kept doing that,” you snuggle up in his arms. “I don't think I can walk.”

“Well I'll tell them you're calling in sick tomorrow,” Steve pulls your hair back so he can look at you. “God you're so beautiful Y/N.”

“Be safe out there, okay?” You draw circles on his chest and listen to his calm heartbeat.

“Will do captain,” he kisses you on the forehead. “Will do.”

You don't know when you fell asleep but you wake up with a jerk. Steve wasn’t beside you. He must have left already. You look over to your bedside table and see a letter.

_Dear Y/N,_

_Last night was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I am 100% showing off to Bucky when I get him home. He's gonna be sooooo jealous._

_You were sleeping so soundingly that I didn't want to wake you up. I’ll be safe out there and I'll get Bucky back._

_I love you._

_Love,_

_Steve_

You clutch the letter against your chest and say, “come home soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are liking this fic! This story sort of just came to me as I was writing some of my other fics and I could not stop writing until I was six chapters in! There's gonna be some Bucky + Steve + you action going on soon, I'm excited!! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A beginning note?? You know what that means... Light smut warning aka Steve and Bucky get a little touchy... ;)

You had called in sick for the next week and told the nurses to send Steve and Bucky directly to you for private treatment if they were injured in the field. Every second they weren't with you was bringing you more and more pain. What if something happened to them? Your heart clenched in your chest. You couldn't shake this worrying feeling. Your parents always said that worrying about someone meant you truly care for them. But they never told you how much it could hurt to care about someone. 

A few nerve-wrecking days later, you hear a knock on your door. You jolt up from the couch, where you had been sleeping for the past few days. Taking slow breaths, you look through your peephole and see them. They looked beaten up and tired but they were there.

“Welcome home,” you say as you open the door. 

“It’s good to see you Y/N,” Bucky smiles at you but you can tell that took all the energy he had left in him. 

“Set him on the couch Steve,” you run to grab your medical kit and place it on your coffee table. 

“I’m fine,” Bucky says with a light cough. “Just a little under the weather.”

You examine him, “you’ve got some congestion and a killer fever.”

You look up at Steve and quickly check him too. Besides very minor scrapes, Steve is in perfect health, which is a relief. You focus your attention on Bucky and go and grab a wet towel. You sit up on the couch with him and pat the cool towel against his forehead. 

“I’ll run you a hot bath,” you hand the towel to Steve. “The steam will help with your congestion. You’ll be alright Bucky.”

Bucky reaches up to touch your face, “God how I've miss the sound of my name leaving your lips.”

You squeeze his hand lightly, “I missed you too. Glad you're alive.”

“Glad to be alive,” Bucky locks eyes with you.

Steve hands you back the towel, “I think I'm going to let you guys have a moment. I’ll go run the bath for you Buck.”

You laugh and press the towel back onto Bucky’s forehead, “thanks Steve, that’d be really nice.”

Once Steve leaves the room, Bucky collapses against your chest, his arms holding you tightly. He took a strong inhale and sighed. His face snuggled up against your chest and you could feel him smiling.

“I missed this,” Bucky pulls away to look at you. “You look really good Y/N.”

“You don't look half bad yourself,” you pull the wet towel off his face and kiss him on the forehead. “Just gotta fix this fever.”

“You know the best way to get rid of a fever is to add more heat,” Bucky pulls you in for a kiss. When your lips touch, the sense of longing hits you again. You haven't kissed these lips in years but they felt so familiar and hot. Bucky’s kiss was alarmingly steamy and it fogs up your mind. When your lips part, the both of you are breathing so heavily that you swear Steve could hear it over the sound of bath water running. 

“At least I know I have the right Bucky sitting in my living room,” you pinch him on the cheek and quickly kiss it. 

“I haven't kissed another girl since I kissed you,” he leans in to kiss you again, this time slowly and softly. “I don't think I’ll ever kiss another girl now that I have you.”

“Slow down cowboy,” you lightly pull him away. “We need to treat that congestion and fever and then you get to sweet talk me, deal?”

“Deal,” Bucky says right as Steve walks out. He pulls you in close and whispers, “and after, I’ll be the one making you feel good.”

Your cheeks turn bright red and you can barely look at Steve when he comes over.

“What the hell did you just say Buck,” Steve helps Bucky off the couch and walks towards the bathroom. 

“Nothing,” he winks back at you. “Just saying that you're a losing man, Rogers.”

“Game on Barnes,” Steve snaps back. “I’m sorry to say, this won't be a war you’re winning.”

When they're out of the room, you get up and grab a beer. You press it against your hot cheeks and hum in happiness. The cold feels good. You look around for your bottle opener when someone swipes the beer out of your hand and you hear a “pop!” sound. Your beer is handed back to you, freshly opened.

You look up and see Steve smiling, “what are you so giddy about?”

“Oh come on Y/N!” Steve gestures to the beer. “That was a really cool thing I just did, admit it.”

You take a hard swallow of your beer and give him a thumbs up, “nice effort, soldier. Dismissed.”

Steve rolls his eyes and take your beer from you, “well if you aren't impressed, you can open your own beer.”

“Hey!” You try to reach for your beer but it's too high above your head. Curses, Steve is taller now and knew how to use his new body to his advantage. What a pain in the-

“Just kidding,” he hands you back your beer and pats you on the head, walking away.

What. Okay. What just happened. You hold your beer in your hand and watch Steve sit down on the couch. You walk up to Steve and look at him confused. He pats for you to sit down next to him. You obey and sit, sipping your beer.

“Just a little too tired today to keep messing with you,” he leans his head against your shoulder. 

Oh that's right, Steve just got back from a mission. How could you have forgotten? Your excitement over Bucky’s arrival home made you completely forget to make sure Steve got the rest he needed.  

You pat him lightly on the stomach, “are you hungry?”

“I’m good, they had quite the welcome back feast at the military post,” Steve snuggles up against you more. “Just sleepy.”

You smile, “do you want to go to bed?”

“I thought you’d never ask!” Steve says jokingly and you nearly smack him but you let him off with a warning because he did well today. You take his hand and lead him to your closet, where you have some clothes stashed for him.

“The officials I carpool with gifted me these,” you pointed at the pile of clothes. “They should fit you and Bucky. They’re all very comfortable and washed.”

Steve kisses you on the head, “aren't you just the sweetest?”

“I try,” you smirk. 

You grab some clothes for Bucky and bring it to him in the bath. When you open the door, you nearly scream but you catch yourself before you do. Bucky was standing in front of you, soaking wet and very naked. Oh my god, can you please remember you’ve seen him naked before? Wait, never mind, when did he...his body is so...fuck. Literally. 

“I'm so sorry. I should've knocked!” You slowly close the door but Bucky stops you.

“Please don't go,” he says, shyly. “You have my clothes.”

You look down at the clothes in your hand and you snap back into reality, “oh-oh yeah, here. Towels are on the side rack over there.”

“Will do, love,” Bucky grabs a towel and wraps it around himself. “See you out there.”

You nod and shut the door as fast as you can. Your heart is pounding. You had a love hate relationship with this whole heart pounding heavy whenever you saw Steve and Bucky. You knew it was a sign that you liked them but damn did it manage to cloud your mind so well. All you could think about is-

“What's going on over there?” Steve says from the closet. 

“It's nothing!” You scurry back over to Steve, who is dressed for bed. Steve always looks good in simple clothing, gray tee and black sweats. 

“You should change and let's get to bed,” Steve tosses you your clothes.

The blush creeps back on your face because you just realized Steve wants you to change in front of him. Why were you so embarrassed, he's seen you naked before! Just the way his eyes were looking at you, they got your body heated. You watch him as he makes himself comfortable on your bed to watch you undress and redress. You pull off your shirt first then you slip your sweats off and throw them into the hamper. The cool nighttime air hits you and you shiver slightly. You move your hands to unhook your bra but a pair of hands were doing it for you. 

“You know,” Bucky whispers in your ear. “I really wish I wasn't sick right now.”

He slides your bra off and tosses it into the hamper for you. His hands come up to your sides and hold themselves there, his feverish skin burning against your cool flesh. One hand trails up your body, grazing your exposed breasts and caressing them. The other slides down, making its way into your underwear. You glance over at Steve, who is just laying there, watching this unfold. You can't resist but to lean back into Bucky, who happily presses his body up against your back for support. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” You couldn't see Bucky but you know he has that mischievous smile on his face and you wanted to punch him so bad but he was so close to your core that all you wanted was for him to touch you. “Sorry love, but this will have to wait until next time.”

His hands let go of you and he walks in front of you, grabbing your clothes. He helps you slip into your shirt and you put on your pants, slightly irritated but tired so you don't mind that much. You were going to make him pay in the morning regardless. You had a plan set out in your head and you were ready to fulfill it. You crawl into bed next to Steve and Bucky lays down next to you. You had set up the normal format, three separate pillows though yours is just a bit longer than theirs because they’ll eventually share yours sometime in the night. 

“Good night,” you all say simultaneously, which ensues a laughing fit.

You reach your hands out to hold onto Steve’s and Bucky’s and the warmth radiating from them sent you off into a soft slumber.


	8. Chapter 8

You open your eyes slowly and adjust to the sudden rush of sunlight trying to seep into your vision. You lean into whoever’s chest is in front of you and open your eyes fully, taking in the sweet smell of their shirt. You look up to see Bucky, still asleep, with his arm resting in the crook of your neck. There is another set of arms, holding your waist. You look over your shoulder to see Steve, who is holding you close to him, also still asleep. 

They must still be tired from just getting back. You glance over at your wall clock, it was almost 10 in the morning. You wouldn't mind letting them sleep a little bit longer, even if that meant laying there for another few hours. You were comfortable and you missed them. The sound of Bucky’s breathing was soothing and Steve’s warm arms wrapped around you were heaven. You could fall back asleep right here, but you decide to stay awake and just cherish the moment you have with them. You gently put your hand on Bucky’s chest, feeling him breathe. The congestion passed and he was breathing normally again. His skin wasn't hot anymore, so the fever must have subsided too. You sigh in relief. Even though it was such a small thing, you were still scared. But you decide to stop worrying too much, since they were there with you now. Like before, like always. 

“I missed you guys,” you whisper as quietly as you can because you don't want to wake them. 

You smile. You were happy. It felt like the good ol days again, where you, Steve and Bucky would share your tiny bed because they didn't want to sleep on the floor and you didn't mind the company. You always slept better with them there. 

“I don't think I've had such a good night’s rest before,” you snuggle up against Bucky’s chest. “It feels good to be home again.”

“It really does,” Bucky’s voice catches you by surprise and you look up at his sleepy but smiling face. “Good morning, Y/N.”

“Good morning Buck,” you can't help but grin at the soft yawn he does. “Did I wake you?”

“I'd let you wake me up any day,” Bucky kisses you lightly on the forehead. “Did you sleep well?”

You nod, “a lot better now that you and Steve are here.”

Bucky smiles, “this reminds me of junior year. You had that math final you were sure you’d fail and you said you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep. But then me and Steve came over the day before the final and you slept like a baby.”

“I also passed that final with flying colors,” you lean up to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “Thanks to you guys.”

“We were really bad at math though,” Bucky laughs quietly. You look over at Steve, who is still sleeping. His breath tickles the back of your neck, he must be exhausted. 

“Yeah, I know,” you giggle. “You guys would've failed calculus if you didn't have me to teach you.”

“To this day, I’ll never know what I need a derivative for. But at least I know how to find one if I ever need to,” Bucky’s hand goes to move the hair away from your face. “I didn't know someone could look so good in the morning.”

“I’m flattered,” you say. “But I think you can do a little better than that.”

“Oh?” Bucky leans in towards your face, “what would you like me to say?”

“Something special,” you lean in as well, just leaving an inch of room in between. 

“I love you,” the words fall so elegant out of his lips that you could feel them dance on yours. 

“That's better,” you close the gap and kiss him softly. Just a quick kiss that you end with a smile, “I love you too.”

“I've dreamed of the day I’d hear you say those words,” Bucky kisses you, sliding his hand up to cup your face. “I must still be asleep.”

You pinch his arm lightly, “it's real.”

He pinches you back, which you nearly slap him for, “it’s real.”

“Are you two lovebirds done having your moment yet?” Steve snuggles up against your back. “I was having a pretty good dream.”

You flip over and quickly tickle Steve, “someone's a little cranky.”

“Hey, hey!” Steve’s laughs are infectious and you and Bucky start laughing too. God, you really missed this. It was the small moments like this that you were deprived of when Steve and Bucky weren't with you. You all lay in your backs, looking up at the ceiling, holding your stomachs which ached from laughing so much.

“Someone’s still ticklish,” you say in between laughs and quickly move your hand over to tickle Steve again, but he catches it before you can.

“I am, it's my only weakness,” Steve holds your hand and massages it. “Your hand has done a lot of evil doing today.”

“I think it can make up for any of that,” you wink at Steve. “Don't you worry.”

Steve’s face gets a little red, which sends you into another laughing fit.

“Don't remind me,” Bucky says with a huff. “I can't believe you started without me Rogers.”

“You said we couldn't have our way with her, doesn't mean I couldn't use those tricks you taught me to get a head start,” it was Steve’s turn to wink and your turn to blush slightly. “It was a good head start.”

You slap him lightly in the chest, “oh shut it. You’re going to make Bucky jealous.”

“He should be jealous,” Steve leans over on his side, his hand resting on your arm. “He hasn't gotten to seen you crumble with desire yet.”

“Jesus!” You smack his hand away and cover your face with your hand. “You’re so embarrassing Steve!”

“You two are truly a couple of virgins,” Bucky laughs. “It's cute, hearing your banter.”

You turn over to Bucky, with Steve looking over your shoulder, “speaking of which, are we ever going to hear about your first time? You've got to spill the beans Barnes!”

“You guys wouldn't be able to guess who even if you tried,” Bucky smirks. “But I’ll give you guys a few chances anyways.”

Steve sits up and you follow his lead. You lean back against the bed frame and Steve sits next to you. You both look like you're holding an intervention for Bucky, which makes you giggle slightly. Bucky also sits up and you all are in this weird little circle, like school children. 

“What are we? Some gossip circle?” You say with a laugh. 

“Essentially yes,” Steve says. “Now, who the hell did Bucky stick his dick into?”

You pinch Steve, a little harder than you meant to, “language!”

“Sorry! Sorry, jeez,” Steve rubs the place you pinch and you kiss it quickly, hoping that soothes the pain. 

“I think it's Shiela from history class. Bucky could never focus in that class,” you look over at Bucky and wiggle your eyebrows. “Am I right?”

Bucky shakes his head, “She was way too ‘fed with a golden spoon’ for my taste. Try again!”

Steve thinks for a bit, “you did have the hots for Trina in P.E class. You used to do laps just to impress her.”

“I remember that! I tried to trip you so many times,” you hold your stomach and try to contain your laughter to a minimum. 

Bucky, again, shakes his head with a smirk, “sorry, try again. But Trina did have a great butt.”

You roll your eyes. Dammit, what were you doing? You glance over at Bucky, who didn't seem to catch the gesture. Steve, however, did and he rests his hand on yours and gives you a reassuring squeeze. Why were you feeling so...jealous all of a sudden? You shake the feeling off. It was natural to feel jealous but it was a first for you. You knew Bucky had been with other people and you weren't ever really jealous about it. But for some reason, now your blood was boiling and it wasn't a good feeling. You didn't like this feeling, but it was natural so you just let it happen.

“Hey, are you alright?” Steve moves your face to look at him. 

You nod and sigh, “yeah. I’m alright.”

Bucky looks at the two of you, slightly puzzled, and then gets it. He smacks himself lightly on the forehead, “I'm an idiot.”

You turn to Bucky and shake your hands in front of him, “no, no! It's fine, really. I just, sometimes I forget, y’know? That I'm not just your best friend anymore, someone you can tell everything too. I’m also someone who's in love with you, and that means sometimes that ‘everything’ can be things that make me jealous. But it's alright! It's good communication.”

Bucky reaches out and holds your hand gently. His voice is steady and collected, “do you still want to know who my first time was?”

“Yes,” you nod and smile. “As your best friend, I deserve the right to know.”

Bucky kisses your hand, “okay. After I tell my best friend who, I’ll comfort my girlfriend.”

“Our girlfriend,” Steve coughs and you giggle.

You turn back to Steve and kiss him on the cheek to reassure him that he still has the other half of your heart. 

Bucky says with a deep breath, “It was Becky, from home room.”

You gasp, “no fucking way.”

“Language!” Steve snaps at you playfully.

“I should've known!” You curse yourself for not realizing it before. “She always gave you those cheeky ‘I just transferred here and I'm gonna fuck the brains out of you’ looks.”

“Yep,” Bucky laughs. “It was really bad. She was really bad, oh my god. It was a real turn off kind of experience, pretty much why I never talked about it. I don't think I could've gotten a moan out of her in a million years.”

“Well I don't think you have to worry about that with Y/N,” Steve says, nudging you. 

“You never fail to make me blush,” you touch your flaming cheeks. You look over at Bucky and pat him lightly, “Sorry about your first time, bud.”

“It was an experience at best,” Bucky shrugs but his mood lightens. “All the times I’ve had sex after that, were also really just for experience. I think kissing you was probably a thousand times better than any of the times I've ever done it.”

“Isn't that what they say though?” You lean your head against Bucky’s shoulder and grab Steve’s hand. “That the best time is with the one you love the most.” 

Bucky moves you away from him to kiss you. He breathes against your lips, “I wouldn't know that, yet.”

You lightly shove him, “are you saying it’s going to be bad?”

“I don't think that's possible,” Bucky leans in to kiss you again. “Nothing's bad with you.”

You scratch the back of your neck. You were a little nervous. Nope, scratch that, you were really nervous. It just hit you that you’re about to have your first time, with one of your best friends. You were going to have sex with both of your best friends. Umm, you need a minute to process things. You really need a minute. 

“I’m sorry,” you move away from both Bucky and Steve. Your voice is shaking slightly, “I’m just a little nervous, since I'm assuming we’re about to-did I just ruin the moment? Jesus…”

“That's fine, Y/N!” Steve says, with a really calm voice. “I’m nervous too and you didn't ruin anything, I promise.”

“If you aren't comfortable right now, we don't have to do anything,” Bucky says reassuringly. “You shouldn't feel like you have to do anything.”

“No, I mean, I'm not saying no to-I'm just, I'm just really nervous. I want to make love to you guys,” you blush. Your face really could not hide your emotions that well, “I really do. Just, give me a second.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Bucky holds your hand. “It’s okay to be nervous. It's good that you're telling us, it's really good.”

“We’ll help you make yourself comfortable and less nervous,” Steve takes your other hand. “Do you want to go take a shower? Take your mind off things a little?”

“Yeah, yeah!” You say, your voice still a little strange sounding. “I could use a nice shower.”

Steve and Bucky help you out of bed. Steve grabs you some clothes and Bucky opens the door to the bathroom for you. You smile at them. They were so supportive. You were really glad that they cared about how you felt, making sure you were 100% before doing anything this drastic. You appreciated their kindness and love.

“I love you guys,” you lean up to kiss them both, each on the cheek. “Thank you for being so caring.”

“I love you too,” they say at the same time. 

You slowly close the door and you are finally alone for a second. You place your clothes on the rack and strip yourself of your pajamas. Were you really this sweaty? You climb into the shower and quickly rinse yourself with cold water, trying to cool down. You weren't afraid of making love to them. You were just nervous. 

You’ve never done anything like that with anyone before, besides the intimate moments you recently had with Steve. You didn't really know anything about having sex either, besides what the girls at work talked to you about and the occasional romance novel. Maybe you were more worried about getting it wrong. Yeah, that's it. You were deathly afraid of it being bad. Not on your part, of course, you knew Steve and Bucky had the power to push your buttons in all the right ways. You were afraid that you were going to do something wrong. It was a strong possibility too, given you have no track record. You just had to remember the advice the girls gave you and maybe you could make it good for the both of them and not just yourself. 

They wanted you to communicate how you were feeling. Should you tell them that you were afraid it wasn't going to be good for them? They had the right to know that. You lather on some nice smelling soap and continue to think as the water washes your body clean. You always talked to them, about everything. They should know exactly how you're feeling. That you wanted to do this but that you didn't want it to be bad for them. 

You finish your shower and get out, looking at your clothes on the rack. You glance over at yourself in the bathroom mirror. You felt good, about yourself. About the way you looked, fresh out of the shower, your skin smelling sweet, your body looking nice, you wanted them see this you too. You decide not to put on your clothes and leave them there, wrapping yourself with a big towel. You go for the door handle, but stop yourself. You find your composure again and take a deep breath.

You open the bathroom door and go out to face them. You were ready. You wanted them and you were ready for what they had to offer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING! *throws confetti into the air* it's also a long chapter...because you know...I got carried away...

You walk out and take a deep breath. Holding the towel firmly in your hand, you slowly make your way back into the bedroom. All eyes are on you. Steve and Bucky are casually standing by the bed, talking about something when you walk in. There is no noise. They’re breathless. Their best friend, the love of their lives, was standing before them, wrapped only in a towel. It was you they were so consumed by. You try to hold yourself as confidently as you can, but you nervously scratched the back of your head. 

“Sorry for keeping you guys waiting,” you say. 

“It was worth the wait,” Bucky says back to you, closing the space between you and him. “You're so worth the wait.”

Steve walks towards you as well, taking your hand, “you look beautiful, as always.”

You swear, you can hear their hearts beating. Or maybe that was your own. It was probably your own. You were so nervous, but their presence made that feeling not as bad as it was. 

Steve takes the time to caress your face before kissing you softly, ending his kiss with a whisper and a wink, “I’m going to go wash up a bit. I think someone wants a little alone time with you. He promised to wait for me for the really good stuff though, so I’ll be back soon.”

That's right. You’ve been alone with Steve before and, this makes you giggle slightly, Bucky probably wanted the same treatment. That's what they must have been discussing when you were away. Steve gives your hand a soft squeeze before letting it go and heading to the shower. 

You were now alone with Bucky. You turn back around to face him and he’s waiting patiently for you. He brushes your hair back and just can't stop looking at you. 

“You can probably hear how fast my heart is beating right now,” Bucky rests your hand on his chest. He wasn't lying, it was going crazy. “To think, you’re here, in front of me, in a fucking towel.”

You pinch him lightly, “looks like you aren't dreaming kiddo.”

Bucky starts walking you, leading you against your bedroom wall. Once you're pressed up against the wall, he leans into you, holding himself against your barely covered body. All you wanted was his touch. His body against yours, his everything. It was like a craving and you just had to have it.

“You’re making me crazy,” Bucky whispers into your ear as his hand strokes your thigh. “Just imagining what's under that towel, what's being held up against this wall.”

“Do you want to see?” You say back, loosening your grip of the towel. “You can, if you want to.”

Bucky steps back, “please, let me see you.”

You try to ignore the sound of your own heart going crazy as you slowly drop the towel from your body. There you were, completely exposed. Bucky doesn't say anything, he’s speechless. You were his best friend and the love of his life after all. Seeing you this way was something he had dreamed of all his life. Having you before him this way was something he could never imagine actually happening. But it’s happening, right here, right now. 

You don't think you’re ever seen Bucky rip his shirt off as fast as he did right then. Nor did you even see the intense collision of his lips against yours coming. He has you pressed back up against the wall, kissing you with such a hunger that you felt as well. His hands were exploring your body, wanting to feel every part of you. 

He breathes against your lips, “you’re ravishing. I can't keep my eyes, or hands, off you.”

You pull him closer to you and say, “then take me already.”

Bucky lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you back to the bed, laying you down, never letting go of your lips. You had to buy new bed sheets because of Steve and you have a feeling you would have to do it again now that they're both here. You hold onto your sheets tightly as Bucky’s lips make their way down to your breasts. His tongue drew lazy circles around your soft nipples and the cold air was driving you crazy. You could feel yourself getting wetter, imagining his tongue somewhere else. You bite your lip as his fingers lightly stroke your thigh, inching closer to where you want them to be. But he's not getting there. He's making his way so slowly, it was agonizing.

“Please Buck,” you cry. “I can't wait any longer.”

“Patience, Y/N, patience,” he says against your stomach, his breath tickling you. 

You seriously couldn't take it. He was here. He was so close to you. You just realized how easily he could make you go completely insane for him, the same went for Steve. It was like their touch was infectious. 

You bite back a moan as his fingers give you such a light graze, but the anticipation made it feel like so much more than it was. He goes back to massaging your thighs, with the occasional graze. You could feel your breathing pick up and your heart rate increase every time you felt his fingers near your center. 

“Please,” you sigh, “please, touch me.”

“How do you want it?” He asks, a little too politely. His voice immediately changes as it makes it way into your ear, “how do you want me to touch you?”

How do you even answer that question? You just wanted him to  _ touch you _ . You didn't know how, but you just knew you wanted him. You arch your back as his finger says pressed up against your clit, not moving.

“Just say how, and I’ll do it,” his voice is so demanding even though he's asking you to tell him what to do. His hand won't move but it's laying right where you want it to be, you just wanted some friction.

“Slow circles, right there,” you say with a heavy breath. 

“Like this?” Bucky starts to rub you at an incredibly slow pace. You nod and bite your lip to hold back the noises coming from you. 

“Like that,” you never felt such stimulation before. Your body practically pressed itself against Bucky’s touch. Until he draws his hand away. Your eyes shoot open and you look at Bucky. Being suddenly cut off was not a good feeling, especially when you were just getting into it. 

“Sorry, did you want me to keep going?” Bucky says with a smirk. 

“Well no shit sherlock,” you growl at him. 

“Then go sit up against the bed frame love,” his eyes look over and you move until your back is touching your wooden bed frame. “Now that's better.”

Bucky moves to spread your legs again and hovers over your core, just waiting from something. 

“I like this you,” he smiles mischievously. “But I'd like it better if you’d beg.”

“You’re evil, Barnes,” you let out a gasp as he circles your clit for a split second then moved away. “So fucking evil.”

“No one said an orgasm was going to be easy to come by,” he kisses you on the cheek and gives you that cocky son of bitch wink of his. “You know the magic words.”

Would you give him the satisfaction? You really don't want to...but you needed to. Your body needed you to. How did you not see this coming? Bucky always liked to play games with you and you never liked losing. But you’ll give it to him this time, just this time.

“Make me climax,” you clutch onto his back, pulling him to whisper, “please.”

“You wish is my command,” his fingers were back on you and you’ve never cried out so loud before. You held onto his back as he rubbed those aggravatingly slow circles on your clit that just drove you wild. 

You breathe against his chest in a mix of moans and sighs, “I can feel it, it's coming…”

Bucky’s other hand come up to lift your face towards his and he pulls you into a soft kiss. You struggle to kiss him back as the pleasure builds up inside you and you moan his name against his lips as the feeling spreads through you. Your core is throbbing and you can barely contain yourself. If it weren't for Bucky’s lips kissing yours, you would be screaming profanities at the top of your lungs. Your climax hits you slow but hard, sending you into a wave of euphoria. 

You grip onto him as he lets you ride your orgasm out and you can barely get any of the words out, “you won this time.”

“Let's face it Y/N, I’ve won every time,” he kisses you on the cheek and helps lay you back down. 

“I beg to differ,” you say with a smirk. “But I’ll keep that secret up my sleeve for today.”

“She’s telling the truth Buck,” Steve says, drying his hair with the towel in his hand. He was standing there with a towel wrapped below the waist, smiling. “Looks like you two had fun while I was away.”

“I’ll say,” you smile. 

Your hands move down to help Bucky with his sweats and boxers and he kicks them off and onto the floor. This, you’ve seen before, just not like this. Your cheeks flush as you remember all the times you’ve snuck a peek at Bucky, boy has he grown up. You bite your lip, nervously this time, because you realize he’s going to be inside of you. 

“It's a little much so we should take this really slowly,” Bucky kisses your forehead. “I don't want to hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me Bucky,” you put your hand on his cheek. “I trust you.”

Bucky turns to look at Steve, “when it's your turn, be gentle with her, don't get carried away. She needs time to adjust.”

“Got it,” Steve says. “I’ll try my best.”

Bucky looks back at you and smiles. He wants you to feel safe. You did, you were ready. 

Bucky’s hand makes its way back to your center and slowly moved up and down. He then pushes a finger into you, trying to open you up. He slides you back down onto your back as he gently thrusts a finger inside of you. You gasp slightly as he adds another finger.

“Are you doing alright?” Bucky asks cautiously. “We can stop anytime.”

“Keep going,” you say, arching your back so he could thrust into you deeper. 

You felt so full with just his fingers so your heart starts to beat loudly just thinking about how he was going to fit inside you. You heard it hurt, the first time. You knew that Bucky didn't want to hurt you, but you prepared yourself mentally for it anyways. 

Bucky pulls his fingers out of you and tells you calmly, “I’m going to go slowly now, okay?”

“Okay, I'm ready,” you say. “Condoms are in the first drawer.”

Steve walks over and opens the drawer, pulling out two. He leaves his on the counter and hands Bucky his, but you take it from him. You sit up and rip open the package. The girls said guys liked it when they put the condoms on for them. You take a hold of Bucky and roll the condom onto him, stroking him a couple times. You lean down to take the tip in your mouth, sucking him lightly as you stroke the rest of him with your hand. Today shouldn't be all about you. 

You look up for a split second to see Bucky’s eyes are closed, he was biting his lip. 

“Y/N…” He lets out. “Please, I need to…”

You move away from him and take your hands off him, “sorry, I might have gotten a little carried away.” 

“I get what Steve means now,” Bucky helps you lay back down. He positions himself at your entrance and looks at you with caring eyes, “I’m going to go slowly, but please tell me to stop if it's too much for you. We’ll get at your pace.”

You nod and you can feel him press against your entrance. Oh god, he's...a lot bigger than you were expecting. It really wasn't like his fingers, it was really an all at once kind of thing. He's barely inside of you when you ask him to stop so you can adjust.

“It's-it’s a lot to handle,” you say, your breaths a little irregular. “But I’m okay, keep going.”

He keeps a fairly steady pace. He gets up to the point you can handle, then adds a little more until you tell him to stop and he starts over again. 

When your hips touch his, you let out a sigh of relief. He was all the way inside of you. It was a strange feeling, being completely filled to the brink by someone else. But it was a good feeling. It was an intimate feeling. You could barely believe he was inside of you. He held onto you so gently and caressed your hair, letting you adjust to his length.

You clutch onto him and say, “I’m so full Bucky. This feeling...it's indescribable.”

“Y/N, you don't know the half of it. Feeling you wrapped around me is driving me insane,” Bucky kisses you, though it quickly turns from a soft comforting kiss to something filled with a hunger you should've seen coming. “I’m using all of my willpower not to just have my way with you. God you feel so fucking good around me.”

“Please,” you couldn't take it any longer. You wanted to know what it felt like to make love to someone. “Take me.”

Bucky gently pulls out of slightly and thrusts back into you. It was such a sudden thrust you lightly clawed into his back. But he doesn't seem to mind. You gripped onto him as he started to thrust into you slowly. It was a little painful but soon that pain subsides. 

You try your best to keep your voice down but as Bucky’s thrusts start increasing and he was pulling more and more of himself out of you with every thrust, you lose it. Your voice is sporadic and your climax hits you like a bullet. 

You didn't even see it coming, you just felt it swarm you. You could feel yourself tensely around Bucky and you had barely realize it but his thrusts were getting irregular until a warm feeling fills you. You try to imagine what it must feel like to be filled without the condom in the way and it just makes you more wet. 

“I love you,” he says, kissing you. 

You smile against his lips, “I love you too.”

Bucky waits a bit before pulling out of you, leaving you feeling empty but good at the same time. So that's what you’ve been missing out on all these years. That's what making love was. It was warm and gentle but filled you with such a pleasure you couldn't even put it into words. 

“I think someone’s waiting to have his turn with you,” Bucky smiles and gestures with his eyes to Steve, who was sitting in the chair you had in your bedroom. In your daze, you didn't realize he was holding his cock in his hand, stroking it slowly like you know he likes. 

“Steve’s always been the patient one,” you giggle as you look over at Steve blushing. 

“She's all yours buddy,” Bucky gets up from the bed and pulls Steve aside and whispers something to him before leaving to go shower. 

Steve moves over to you on the bed and has you stay on your back. 

“You know,” he sighs. “Watching Bucky have his way with you sure made me...hungry.”

He then pulls your hips towards him. The blush is back. You know what that mouth was capable of. He gently lick your center, making you shiver. You were still throbbing from Bucky and Steve’s tongue was touching super sensitive skin. 

“God,” his voice vibrates against your clit. You shake under his touch, “You don't understand how much I missed seeing you break under me.” 

His hands reach up to caress the sides of your stomach and then rest themselves on your breasts as his tongue makes a home for itself. He was gently squeezing your breasts as his tongue lazily licks circles on your clit. 

“You’re pretty wet, Y/N,” Steve’s voice always sends you in a frenzy because of the way it hits your skin. “Let's see if we can get you even wetter.”

Steve’s hands slide back down. He uses one of them to hold down your hips as his slides the other to caress your thighs. What was he doing? His mouth was already on you. He couldn't be...oh fuck.

You moan his name loudly as he slips a finger inside of you as he sucks  _ hard _ on your clit. He was right to hold you down. Your hips were jerking from the sudden surge of pleasure. You run your fingers through his hair as he thrusts into you AND licks away at your clit. Was this even legal? You were a panting mess, you couldn't stop yourself from moaning. They just escape your lips as Steve thrusts another finger into you, opening you up. His mouth was working wonders on your clit, alternating from licking and sucking. His fingers were curving inside of you with every thrust and you know you were going to get hit with a powerful climax. The overstimulation, the pleasure surging toward your veins, the way you can't control the noises coming from your mouth, you knew he had full power over you. 

“I know it's coming Y/N,” Steve says, making you shake more at his hot breath. “Let go and lose it.”

You do and it's phenomenal. Your whole body shakes explosively and your center squirts out a liquid that Steve happily licks up. You hold him against you, practically riding your orgasm out on him. You tense around his fingers but he still manages to thrust them into you until your orgasm fades. It was probably one of the longest orgasm you’ve had so far. You can't speak, your heavy breathing was taking over. 

“Remind me to do that again sometime,” Steve crawls up to hover himself over you, kissing you on the forehead. “Are you alright?”

“Better than alright,” you smile. You pull Steve into a passionate kiss and then flip him over onto his back, straddling him. “And it's only just begun.”

You gesture for Steve to sit up and lean up against the bedframe. Once he's there, you start to run your soaking wet core on his cock. You do it slowly, moving back and forth, letting your clit touch the tip of his cock, making you hold onto him. You were incredibly overstimulated and you could lose it again right here. Just rubbing yourself against him could be enough to get you to another orgasm because he was hard already.

“You feel so good against me,” you whisper into his ear. “I need you inside of me, now.”

“Be careful,” Steve groans as you shake against his cock. “Oh-oh god, go slowly.”

The girls told you that straddling and riding someone felt really good. Feeling Steve against you turned you on so much. He helps you up slightly so he can slide a condom on. You position him under you and slide yourself slowly onto him. He was much wider than Bucky. You hold onto him as his cock spread you open. 

“You-you’re huge, Jesus,” you wrap your arms around his neck as you lift yourself back almost off him, then back down again. Soon, you’re fully straddling him, his cock filled you up so much. “You feel so good inside of me Steve.” 

“You're so tight and warm around me,” Steve’s breathing was as heavy as your own. “I know what Bucky means now, I just want to have my way with you.”

You realize this is Steve’s first time. Yours was just a few moments ago, with Bucky, and now Steve was having his with you. You want to make it special for Steve, to cater to him like Bucky did for you. 

“Then do it,” you move his hands to your hips. “Make love to me, Steve.”

Steve does a hard swallow and nods. He lifts you up lightly and pushes you slowly onto him again. Straddling was much different than missionary. You felt a lot more full. It takes Steve a while you pick up the pace but when he does, it's heaven. He was hitting all the right places, filling you up. 

“So warm,” Steve leans back, groaning. You take his hands off your hips and start to move your hips back and forth. Steve breathes your name and you clutch onto him. You were getting close. You start moving at the same pace Steve left off at. You hold Steve’s forehead against your own and kiss him.

“I love you,” you say, pushing yourself onto him.

His breath isn't steady but he manages to get an “I love you too” out. 

His hands are back on your hips and his pace is practically thrown out the window. He was close and so were you and right when you knew you were there, you could feel someone’s hand on your clit and you immediately spasm. Your climax hits you and you look to see Bucky, whose hand is rubbing your clit gently as you ride your orgasm out on Steve, who in turn climaxes from the sudden clenching your orgasm brought on around him. You practically fall into Steve and Bucky’s hand slides out and rubs your back as Steve holds you close to him. Steve lifts you off of him and you sit in between him and Bucky.

“That was...wow,” he says to you. “Thank you.”

“No, I should be thanking you,” you kiss him on the nose. You lean your head over to Bucky and kiss him on the nose too, “and thanking you. That was truly magical.”

“Yeah,” Steve breathes out. “Worth the wait.”

“Totally worth the wait,” Bucky takes your hand in his. “Was it an alright first time?”

“Alright? It was pretty damn good, if it gets any better than this, I might faint,” you giggle. “Seriously though, I don't think I can handle that many orgasms in one sitting.”

“Well, I mean, there are many more coming so…” Steve lazily rests his head on your shoulder. “But for now, let's get some lunch.”

Bucky’s stomach lightly growls and he blushes, “I could use a bite to eat.”

“There's a great diner down the street from here,” you wrap your arms around your best friends/lovers. “Just let me rinse off before we go.”

“I second that!” Steve says, making you all laugh.

This was good. Life was good. They were back with you. You could never lose them again now that they were finally with you. 

...

...

...

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long await update is here! But wait, what's this? That ending? WHAT??? Stay tuned to find out! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is a little sad and certain parts are very much up for interpretation but never fear, it doesn't stay sad!!  
> Yay an update! But oh no, a warning?

“No,” you immediately say. It wasn't like you wanted to say it, but you had to. 

“Y/N,” Steve reaches for your shoulder but you stand up and get out of the way. 

You, Steve and Bucky were enjoying a nice evening, sitting back on the couch, talking about whatever, when they brought up the mission again. They wanted to infiltrate Hydra with a few other soldiers and take them out for good. But...but they couldn't. You wouldn't let them. You couldn't lose them again. You had just got them back. It’s only been a few weeks! 

“I said no,” you lean against the wall, folding your arms. “I can't believe you guys would even suggest such an idea! You’ll get yourselves killed!”

“That's in our job description,” Bucky says calmly. “It's our job to rid the world of this evil.”

“What about me?” You glare at the two of them, fighting back your tears. “You both would be leaving me, again! Screw this war, I'm sick and tired of all this fighting.”

You slide down to the floor and holds your knees against your chest. Too many patients have come in the past couple weeks, too many injuries. Your mental health was draining and your physical health wasn't that great either. You wouldn't even remember to eat without Bucky or Steve reminding you. You would work ridiculous hours too, which scared them as well. You couldn't help yourself, you wanted to help as much as you can. 

But every patient that comes in, every injury, makes you think about Steve and Bucky. What if that was them? What if that was them, and they don't make it? What if...what if… 

You clutch your knees close and start to sob. This wasn't the first time you’ve all discussed this either. Over the course of the last few weeks, this was all you guys talked about. You couldn't let them go out there, chasing whatever the hell might be out there. You didn't like fighting with them either. This was the first real fight you all have ever had. They wanted to go and be heroes but you wanted them to stay and be safe. You’re just thinking about them! Why can't they understand that! 

“Come on Y/N,” you can feel Bucky’s hand reach for you and you swat it away. 

“No means no,” you look up at Bucky, who looks concerned. “Don't look at me like that Buck. Don't you dare look at me like that! Not when you're planning to get yourself killed.”

You grip your pants tightly, balling your hands into fists. Why couldn't they understand your perspective? They may be strong soldiers now, but they were still your two best friends from Brooklyn. The sobs get louder and the pain boiling up in your stomach increases. You couldn't imagine not having them by your side again. You couldn't imagine losing them. 

“I can't lose you guys,” you shake your head against your knees. 

“You're not going to lose us,” you can hear Steve’s voice much closer than before. They were both kneeling down in front of you, you could sense it. 

“Don't make promises you can't keep Rogers,” you wipe your tears but they won't stop running down your face. “One second, you think you’re on top of the world, the next second, the world will come crumbling down and then what will you do?”

“We’ll come back to you,” Bucky says, with that sweet voice of his. “We’ll always come back to you.”

“I can't believe that anymore,” you bury your face in your hands. “Five years and I finally get you both back into my life. I finally got to love you! And now, you’re going to throw that all away. You're going to throw me away!”

“We’re not throwing you away. We would never leave you,” Steve tries to touch you softly again and this time you let him put his hand on your knee.

“You’re leaving me if you do this,” you put your hand on his, squeezing it. “Don't you understand that?”

Bucky’s hand goes for your other hand, holding it gently, “we do. But we aren't leaving you. We will come back and we’ll be together again. We just need to do this, Y/N. We’re the only ones who can.”

“I don't care,” you let go of their hands and get up from the floor. Your voice gets loud and hurt and you can barely stand still through all the tears, “I don't care if you're the only men on this planet who can end this war! All I care about is keeping you guys safe and you guys don't understand that! You’re asking me to let you go out and possibly get yourselves killed, how could I possibly say yes to that? If you both want to go, then just go. You don't need my blessing. Just leave me to rot by myself!”

You storm out of the apartment, grabbing a bag and your keys. You couldn't do this anymore. Too many fights, too many heartbreaks, you couldn't take it anymore. If they wanted to go, they could go. You didn't want them to, but you couldn't stop them anymore. 

You pick up your pace and start running, no,  _ sprinting _ . You don't even know where you were running to. You just knew you had to run. Get away from here, from the pain building inside of you, from the massive amount of tears streaming down your face. Why couldn't they just understand you? Why did they need to be heroes! They were already your heroes! Wasn't that enough? 

“I’ll never be enough,” you say, wiping your tears as you run. You hold your heart and feel the massive beating, it was almost painful.

Then suddenly, your world came crashing down. Everything played in slow motion. You fall, but are immediately caught by someone, who comes crashing down with you, holding you tightly against their chest. Their arms came over you in a protective clutch and they envelope you with warmth as both your bodies hit the ground  _ hard _ . 

Once you're out of that dizzy daze, you can hear someone call your name. It wasn't the person holding you, it was someone else. Your name left their lips repeatedly. Did you hit your head? You were pretty woozy but you didn't feel any other pain so you should be alright.

You look behind you to see Steve’s arms, holding you close to his chest, not wanting to let go. You look up to see Bucky, kneeled down in front of you, sobbing. They really thought they had lost you. The truth is, you had lost yourself. Where had you gone? The past few weeks truly ate away at who you were. You weren't a runner, you had always been a fighter. You were the person who told Steve to get back up and to stand strong. You were the person who pushed Bucky to his limits, which got him to where he was today. But what had happened to that you?

“I'm sorry,” is what Steve repeats over and over into your ear. You can feel his tears hitting your hair. Bucky was holding his face in his hand, while clutching his heart. You had really scared them. What were you even planning to do? Where were you going to go? Why did you run? 

You reach out to touch Bucky’s hand and you do the same with Steve’s. You give them a light squeeze and Bucky looks up at you. His eyes were so red, his face was streaming tears. If you could see Steve, you knew he’d be the same. Hell, you all looked the same. You were all sobbing messes. What has this mission done to you? 

“I shouldn't have run,” is what you decide to say. “I just didn't know what else to do.”

Steve starts placing soft kisses on your back and Bucky holds your hand tightly against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat.

“Don't leave us,” Bucky says, gripping your hand tightly. He was shaking and the tears were still falling, “Please...please.”

Steve brushes his head against the back of your neck, nodding, “don't go. Come back with us. Come home.”

“Home...home is where you two are,” you say, biting back your sob. “What is a home without the two people I love the most?”

“We’ll be home soon,” Bucky says. “I promise.”

“Don't make promises you can keep Barnes,” you say back. “Don't give me false hope.”

“I’m not lying,” he says in the most sincere voice you’ve ever heard from Bucky. “I promise we’ll come back for you. No matter what.”

“We will come home Y/N,” Steve whispers to you. “We will always come back to you, I promise.”

“Then don't go breaking my heart okay,” you say to them. You tug Bucky and hold him against your chest, with Steve still wrapped around your stomach, “you better come back to me, both of you.”

“We promise,” they both say. 

You all stay there for a while, just laying somewhere in the middle of nowhere, holding each other. Bucky helps you up off the ground, lingering with his arms around you, before he goes to help Steve up. You quickly pull up Steve’s shirt to make sure he’s isn't scratched up from the fall. Thankfully, it's just a few small bruises. He was one hell of a super soldier. You kiss his back softly where the bruises were then dust him off. 

You look around you. You were in some field. You actually ran pretty far, you were almost near the military outpost. So close, that you swear, you can see the car that you normally ride in leaving the base.

“Hey!” You wave your arms, “It’s me, Y/N!” 

The car stops and you grab Steve and Bucky and practically drag them in a sprint towards the car. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” one of your official friends gets out of the car to hug you. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“I got...um...a little lost,” you laugh nervously, scratching your neck. “What are you doing at work so late?”

“After I drove you and the guys home, I drove back to finish some work. Didn't want you guys to wait on me,” he smile, brushing some dust out of your hair. He leans in and whispers, “do you mind telling your friends to stop glaring at me?”

You turn away from your friend to see Bucky and Steve, hands on their hips, glaring at your friend. You realize your friend’s arms are still sat around your waist and you can't help but giggle. What a bunch of jealous idiots. 

“Guys, this is Terrence, head of the psychology department at the military base. Say hi, he's the reason I've stayed sort of sane while doing the work I do,” you gesture to Terrence, who gives Bucky and Steve a wave.

“You both must be the infamous Steve and Bucky,” Terrence puts his hand out in front of him. “Happy to finally meet you both.” 

You look at both of them with a “go shake his hand, he's cool!!” look and they listen, shaking his hand.

“I’m glad someone has been looking after our Y/N,” Steve says when he shakes Terrence’s hand. 

“But we’re here now, so don't you dare get touchy with her,” Bucky says intimidatingly at Terrence, who shivers into his handshake.

You can't help but laugh and you pat Terrence on the back, “don't mind them, they don't know how close we are.”

Terrence whispers to you, “I’ll say.”

“Do you mind driving us to that local pub of ours in town?” You smile. “I could really use a drink.”

“Sure! I could use a drink too,” he invites all of you into his car. “That is, if you’ll have me.”

“You’re always welcome to drink with me,” you give him a thumbs up and get into shotgun.

Steve and Bucky sit in the backseat, still glaring at Terrence, occasionally whispering to each other as you and Terrence talk about the funny stories you’ve been saving. You and Terrence were more than just psychologist and patient, he was a really good friend of yours. Who had a mad crush on Peggy Carter, almost hopeless crush. She never noticed him whenever she visited and you had been trying to talk him up to Peggy since she was in town. Poor Terrence, what a hopeless romantic he was. 

“You know Peggy goes to this pub a lot,” you say as you get out of the car. You nudge Terrence, “maybe you can get your flirt on.”

“I don't know Y/N, I’m always so nervous around her! We kind of talked today and I totally embarrassed myself.” Terrence blushes and grabs your arm, “what if she IS here??? What am I going to do?”

“You’re gonna steal her heart!” You point to the sky. “I’m not drunk enough yet to give crappy advice. Let's drink!”

You open the door to the bar and enter laughing at Terrence, who explained his awkward encounter with his crush. You pat his chest and use him to help you stand straight. You and Terrence were practically laughing buddies, you always had a good time with each other. The bartenders all know you and Terrence, this was your pub practically. 

“Well if it isn't my two favorite customers,” the owner, Jones, waves us a center table. Jones gestures for you and Terrence to come to the bar while Steve and Bucky take a seat at the table, keeping a space in between them for you. “So, who are the hunky fellas you brought in Y/N?”

“I guess you can say they're my lovers,” you wink at Jones, who gives you a gasp. 

“Naughty, naughty girl you are,” Jones laughs that hearty Irish laugh of his. “I knew you weren't an ordinary kind of girl. What’ll they have?”

“Two beers please,” you look over at Steve and Bucky, giving them a thumbs up and a “I’ll be there soon” look. “And I’ll have a rum and coke.”

“Whiskey on the rocks,” Terrance says and Jones makes our drinks rather quickly, handing them to us.

Jones leans over the corner and moves his eyes towards the corner of the room, where Peggy was sitting all lonesome, “I think today's the day you make your move Terry. She came in an hour ago and hasn’t even finished her first drink yet. I think she wants a drinking buddy.”

“Jones, you know what this calls for!” You say happily. “Two shots please, for confidence.”

Jones quickly pours two shots and hands them to you and Terrence, winking at Terrence, “may you get lucky tonight.”

“Let's get Terry laid!” You say a little too loudly after drinking your shot, covering your mouth quickly. You whisper, “do you think she heard me?”

Terrence looks over at Peggy, who is still staring at the wall, “doubt it. Well, wish me luck, here goes nothing.”

Terrence takes his shot and grabs his whiskey, making his way over to Peggy.

“I believe in you!” You say to Terrence.

You grab your rum and wave goodbye to Jones as you squeeze in between Steve and Bucky. Steve immediately puts his arm around you protectively, which makes you giggle.

“You know, I’m not drunk enough to deal with your childish jealousy right now,” you take a sip of your rum. “Terry’s a friend who has a thing for Peggy!”

“You know you could've mentioned Terry in your letters,” Bucky says. Was he mad at you? His voice was a little off. 

“You could've also mentioned he had a thing for Peggy,” Steve squeezes your shoulder. “You let us sit here, thinking he was a secret boyfriend of yours.”

You nearly spit out your drink when Steve says that, “you two worrywarts. How could I have a secret boyfriend, when I have two beautiful boyfriends already?”

“Do you really mean that?” Steve leans his head on your shoulder.

“Of course I do,” you kiss him on the head and then look over at Bucky, who is still irritated at you. “Come on Bucky, I didn't mean any harm.”

“I can't believe you’re so touchy with him,” Bucky turns away from you and Steve, taking a hard swig of his beer. 

“He's just a friend!” You don't know why Bucky was acting this way. It wasn't like you never talked to any other men. Hell, if they got this jealous over Terrence, they’ll be surprised about all your official friends and Joseph and his friends. 

“We were just friends, Y/N,” Bucky looks over at you. “Do you see where that led?”

“Love isn't some formula, Buck,” you poke his nose. “It's not like I'd let any of my friends do what you and Steve do to me and it's not like they could make me feel the way you make me feel. I love you guys, and you know that.”

Bucky leans his head against yours and sighs, “I’m sorry. It was just a little out of the blue and I got a little overprotective.”

“Tell me about it,” you give him a quick kiss on the lips. “But I forgive you.”

Bucky hides his blushing face behind his beer, which makes you and Steve laugh. Steve snuggles up against your neck as Bucky laughs with you guys. You instantly hear and see a loud flash and you look over at Peggy, who is holding a polaroid in her hand.

“Well if it isn't my favorite soldiers with my best nurse,” Peggy laughs. “I’m going to keep this photo as a reminder of our peculiar friendship.”

Your eyes go wide as you see that Terrence has his arm held firmly at Peggy’s waist. You shoot him a “damn son, you get that girl” look to which he replies with a “I'm so happy right now holy shit” look. You then shoot a glare at Bucky who has his hand on his neck, nervously rubbing it, giving you a “okay okay I'm sorry jeez” smile. 

Peggy shows you the developed photo and you laugh, “wow that's one perfect photo.”

Steve smiles, “we sure look happy.”

“Well, we are happy,” Bucky says, kissing you on the head quickly. “Right?”

“Right,” you smile back. Now there's the Bucky you love. 

Bucky slides his hand down to hold onto yours and you let him. It was nice, having Steve’s arm around your shoulder and Bucky’s hand resting in yours. 

“You three have fun now,” Peggy shoots you a grin. “A certain someone has promise to take me home, so I'm sorry I stole your ride.”

“Terry will take good care of you,” you give her a thumbs up. “And I live nearby so we can walk.”

“See you later Y/N, going to take this pretty lady home now,” Terrence says right before kissing Peggy happily on the cheek. 

You swear you can see a hint of blush forming on Peggy’s face and you can't help but smile. You wave goodbye to the two of them and go back to drinking with your boys. The conversations you all had while drinking were hilarious. It was all things from your past, or stories you had been meaning to tell that couldn't fit in letters. A couple drinks in and you were getting sleepy. You were always a sleepy drunk, sometimes drinking gave you a rush of energy but most of the time it just made you sleepy. You don't even realize it, but you fell asleep. 

You're woken up and look up to see that Steve has you in his arms, bridal style. 

“Sorry Y/N,” Steve leans down to kiss you on the forehead. “Didn't mean to wake you.”

“We’re just a little lost,” Bucky pops up next to you and you giggle. “It's late at night and I’m a little tipsy.”

You look around and recognize the street, “our place is two blocks to the left.”

Steve and Bucky start walking towards your apartment as you snuggle up closer against Steve’s chest. He was so warm, you were getting really drowsy again. 

“So warm,” you breathe into his chest. “I could lay here forever.”

“You can if you want to,” Steve adjusts his hold on you to make you more comfortable. 

“I might just take that offer,” you press your ear against his heart, listening to his steady heartbeat. “I’m guessing alcohol doesn't do anything to you?”

“Not really,” you can almost feel the frown on Steve’s face. “But hey, one of us has to be the sober companion. I don't mind being the one to carry you home.”

Bucky laughs before almost stumbling on the stairs up to your apartment, “I would carry you, but I can barely keep myself upright.”

You hand Steve your keys and he opens the door smoothly, carrying you inside. Bucky shuts the door and walks straight into the bedroom before you and Steve.

When you and Steve get to the bedroom, Bucky is already laying down, asleep. Steve set you down next to him and pulls off his shirt to get into bed too. Bucky wraps his arms around you, pulling you close to him. 

Steve faces you and kisses you, “tonight was fun. Drinking with you guys was really something.”

“I’m guessing you didn't do much drinking back home?” You take Steve’s hands in your own and play with them. You always like how soft his hands were. 

“I drank every so often I suppose,” Steve brings your hands up to his lips and kisses your knuckles. “But it wasn't the same as having someone to drink with.”

“Trust me, drinking with other people isn't the same as drinking with you guys,” you move your hands to caress Steve’s face. “I had a lot more fun with you guys.”

“Really?” Steve rests his cheek against your hand.

“Really,” you pull him down for a soft kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Steve holds your hand against his face. 

“Steve, promise me that you’ll watch out for Bucky,” your voice is a little worried. Hell, it's a lot worried. You knew Steve was much stronger than Bucky now, especially now with that serum blasting through his body. He needed to keep Bucky and himself safe.

“I will,” Steve nods. “I promise. I’ll get us both home and back to you.”

“Thank you,” you lean up to kiss him one more time. “Good night Steve.”

“Good night Y/N,” Steve moves your hands off his face and back entwined in his. Your eyes droop and you close them, falling into a deep slumber.

You only had two more days left with Steve and Bucky before they had to leave. You had to make them count. 

You didn't like thinking about the possibility of losing them, but you had to consider it. You were hopeful that they would come back, they always came back for you. But in case, you had to prepare for the worst. 

You wanted to seal the deal.


	11. Chapter 11

You wake up earlier than Steve and Bucky and sneak out of bed to go a local shop. 

“Hi,” you say, a little nervously. “Do you sell rings?”

“Yes we do,” the shop owner gestures to her many rings. “What's the occasion?”

“Umm,” you scratch the back of your head. What kind of occasion is this? 

“Don't worry about it,” she smiles. “We have rings for that too.”

You smile back. Thank god for sweet people, you were nervous enough. You look over at the variety of rings they had. There were way too many to choose from. Then you see them. The perfect set of rings. 

“Can I see that set right here?” You point at the rings that have caught your attention.

“Certainly,” the shop owner pulls out the three rings. “Lovely selection.”

“Thank you,” you put on the ring with the diamond in it. It fit perfectly. It was a simple and slim ring, silver with a small diamond. The other two, a little thicker than yours, each silver but one had a ruby and the other a sapphire, looked like they would fit Bucky and Steve perfectly as well. “I’ll take all three of these.”

You give her the money she asked for, which was surprisingly not much, and she hands you the rings in three little boxes in a bag. You hold the bag close to your heart and can't help but smile. You felt like a kid in a candy store, your nervousness washed away. 

“He’ll enjoy the rings, don't worry,” the shop owner says as she waves you goodbye. 

“I sure hope so,” you wave goodbye to her and walk back to your apartment. 

When you open the apartment door, you're immediately swarmed by Steve and Bucky. They have their arms crossed and worried looks on their faces. How long had you been out? You glance over at the clock and nearly drop your jaw to the ground. It was noon already? You swore you were only in that shop for a good few minutes...right? 

“Where were you?” Steve comes up to you and pulls you in for a warm embrace. “We were worried sick.”

“I’m so sorry,” you wrap your arms around him. “I didn't know I'd be gone for so long, I should've left a note.”

Steve pulls you out of his arms and sighs, “you need to be more careful.”

You look over at Bucky, who is nervously biting his fingers. You reach your hand out and he takes it, pulling you into his arms. He holds you tightly against him.

“Don't ever do that again,” Bucky’s voice is shaky. “Please.”

“I promise,” you tiptoe up to kiss his cheek. “I’m really sorry for scaring you.”

Bucky presses his head against your shoulder, still holding you, and sighs, “I’m just glad you're alright.”

“What's in the bag?” Steve says. 

Bucky lets you out of his embrace to look at the bag in your hand. You almost forgot you were carrying it. Wait, fuck, you forgot you were carrying it. You were supposed to wait and do this right before they left but you might as well do it now.

You point at the couch and they both go to sit down as you pull the ring boxes from the bag, “I bought these, for us.”

You hand Bucky a box and Steve one as well. You open yours and smile, pulling out the beautiful diamond ring you bought. You quickly slip it on your left ring finger and squeeze yourself in between Steve and Bucky on the couch. 

“Think of it as another reason you both should be coming home,” you say with a blush. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

“Are you...are you proposing to us?” Steve pops up his box and pulls out the sapphire ring. “It's-wow…”

Bucky opens his and takes his ruby ring out as well, “are you-do you want to marry us?”

You keep your hands on your knees, gripping your pants so you don't hide your face and then you nod, “yes. I’m asking you both to marry me. You don't have to say-”

“Yes,” they both say at the same time.

Your eyes light up and you look at them both, “really?”

“Of course,” Bucky puts on his ring. He then takes your left hand and kisses it, “I would marry you in a heartbeat.”

Steve puts his ring on and steals your hand away from Bucky, also kissing it, “it would be an honor to be your husband, Y/N.”

You can't help but blush. Your heart is pounding in your chest. They said yes! Never in a million years did you think you were going to marry your best friends, but you did it. It wasn't official or anything, but in your heart, you knew it was. 

“I love you guys,” you kiss them both on the cheek. “I really, really love you guys.”

“I love you too,” Bucky kisses your cheek.

“I love you too,” Steve kisses your cheek.

They were literally the best thing that could have ever happened to you. They were your everything and now, they were for sure yours. You take their hands and look at the beautiful rings together. It screamed the three of you. What a perfect moment. It could only get better from here.

“I need to make a phone call now,” you squeeze both of their hands before getting up from the couch. “Give me two minutes.”

You walk into your room and dial Jones’s number, who immediately picks up, “sooooooooooooo what did they say?”

You whisper into the phone, “they said yes!”

The scream Jones makes could be heard from the military outpost, you quickly shush him and Jones goes back to his manly Irish voice, “um-yes, well, everything is set then. Come over to pick up the car and I’ll give you instructions on how to get there.”

“Thank you,” you happily say. “You're the greatest Jonesy.”

“Anything to help my favorite customer,” Jones laughs. “I’ll see you in a few?”

“See you then,” you hang up and nearly jump for joy. 

Jones had offered to let you use his holiday cabin up in the mountains for, well, your honeymoon? Yeah, your honeymoon. You were having a honeymoon. You touch your heart and can barely contain yourself. Your cheeks flush just thinking about it. 

Lately the sex has been great. No, better than great. It has been phenomenal. Bucky had ample experience so with his help, he really taught Steve the ropes. You melted at their touch, your body was practically made to be touched by them. You’ve even lost count of the most orgasms you've had in one sitting. They really need how to get you going. You clutch your hot cheeks and run to the bathroom, washing your face with very cold water. You pat your face dry and it has returned to a decent color. 

You step back out and raise your hands up high, “a surprise awaits! Pack your bags, boys!”

You toss Bucky and Steve each a backpack and you grab a duffel of your own. The three of you spend the next few minutes stuffing in a day’s worth of clothing and other necessities. Once you were all packed, you grab your bag and head out.

“So where are we going?” Steve asks.

“It's a surprise,” you pinch his cheek. “You know me, I never give away my surprises.”

“Ain't that the truth,” Bucky puts his arm around your shoulder. “Remember when we planned Steve’s 16th birthday party? He never saw that one coming!”

“Yeah, neither did you,” Steve scoffs. “I wasn't the only one woozy at Coney Island.”

“You guys are a bunch of pansies,” you stick your tongue out at both of them. “I seriously thought I would have to carry both of you home.”

“It isn't my fault your stomach is made of steel!” Bucky glares at you and you glare back at him.

You mouth the word “wuss” and smile. He mouths back “you’ll pay for that” to which you respond with “I’ll be waiting” and a wink. 

Jones is waiting for you in front of the pub with a set of keys in his hand and his car, “here ya go! Just promise me you won't scratch it.”

“Don't you worry Jonesy, it might come back even cleaner than it is now,” you say smiling.

Before he hands you his keys, he pulls you in to whisper, “and please, don't do any baby making in my car. My wife’ll kill me!”

You blush and nod, “roger that.”

With the keys in your hand and the directions in your head, you start the car. Bucky and Steve have a whirl at arguing to see who got to sit shotgun, which is so something they would do. 

“Come on boys, just get in the back seat,” you pat the side of the car. “I want to get there before sunset.”

They both shrug and get in the backseat and you take off.

It's honeymoon time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short update! I just started summer classes (yikes!) and haven't had time to write much CRIES but I thought I'd post what I've had for a while and hopefully this was an alright enough update <3 smut is on its way (and very good smut if I do say so myself wink wink).   
> Celebrate, you're married (kind of?) now! :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes! The long awaited update is here <3 sorry to keep you guys waiting so long, I've been swamped with school and other fics!
> 
> Important: At the end of chapter 14, I need your help so remember to read the note I have there :D (it's a fun one!)

You lean forward to look up at the trees surrounding you. You were absolutely speechless. Wherever Jones’s cabin was, was beautiful. The trees stretch on for miles and you can tell by the rear view mirror that Bucky and Steve were enjoying the view. You felt both at peace and incredibly terrified. Why were you feeling so...anxious all of a sudden? 

It could be because in less than 48 hours, Steve and Bucky were going off to do a mission that would define history as you knew it. The uneasy feeling in your stomach came back but you just keep on driving. You want to put aside your uneasiness just for today. 

Today was going to be memorable and you didn't want to spend it thinking about “what if”. 

“Here we are boys,” you say as you pull up to the side of a house, suspended in the trees. 

“It's a treehouse,” Steve opens the door and gets out. 

“A giant treehouse,” Bucky adds, also stepping out of the car. 

You turn off the engine and get out of the car as well, looking up at the house Jones let you borrow. It was exactly like Bucky and Steve said, it was a giant treehouse. A cabin suspended in the middle of a forest. It was breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Your friend has good taste,” Steve comes up behind you and picks you up by the waist, twirling you around. He leans in, snuggling his nose against your neck, “I can't wait to spend the night here with you.”

You can't help but smile and lean in to kiss Steve. His dorkiness was just too adorable. He lets you down to go and help Bucky with the bags. Bucky comes up to you and hands you your duffel, which you happily accept. Except he moves it away from you at the last second, nearly making you stumble at the sudden rush away. 

“Don't worry, I got it,” he says with a wink.

You shake your head at him, but let out a smile. You pull the keys out of your pocket and make you wait up the wooden staircase leading to the cabin. Steve and Bucky follow quickly behind as you open the door.

“Welcome to our retreat!” You say, opening your arms wide. 

Jones must have had the place cleaned or something. It was absolutely gorgeous. It had a spacious living room with a fireplace, a lovely kitchen and the bedroom was huge. The decor was very homey as well, so it was easy to adjust to. 

“I’m a little sad that we’re only staying here a night,” you whisper to yourself, brushing your hand against the mantle of the fireplace. “But we’ll make it count.”

“Did you say something Y/N?” Bucky says from the bedroom. 

“Nothing!” You reply back. The clock on the counter reads 6PM. It wasn't too dark outside yet but you decide to turn on the lights anyways. The lights really brightened the cabin, letting you see everything it had to offer. What a dream.

As Steve and Bucky unpacked, you started on dinner. Jones had left you all the ingredients you needed to make your favorite dinner, which, coincidentally, was Bucky and Steve’s too. Though, they might just say they like it because they like you. Who knows? It just meant you got to eat your favorite food. 

A pair of arms wrap around your stomach as you start adding the final touches to the meal. You nearly drop the knife on yourself but luckily your reflexes weren't terrible.

“What's cooking, good-looking?” Bucky says with a laugh. 

“You, if you scare me like that again,” you flip around to lightly shove Bucky. 

“Oh, do that again,” Bucky says, leaning closer to you. “I like my women rough.”

You shove him again a little harder, “that wasn't me being rough. That was me politely asking for you to move so I can finish dinner.”

“Can I at least get a kiss?” Bucky looks at you with those sharp blue eyes of his and you knew you couldn't say no. Damn, those eyes. They always knew how to get their way.

You nod and he leans down to kiss you softly. Honestly, every time you kiss Bucky and Steve, it's like the first time again. You still feel the sudden rush of emotions, making your blood heat up. 

“Can't wait for dinner,” Bucky says against your lips. “Especially can't wait for dessert.”

You blush and lightly shove him again. He smiles, adding a little growl to the end before leaving to set the table. You glance over to look for Steve, who by the sounds running through the cabin, must have popped in to take a quick shower. By the sweet smell lingering in the air, Bucky had already showered. You were a little behind then, you suppose. 

When Steve comes back into the living room, you finished making dinner and carry the food over to the dining table. You all are happily telling old stories and laughing. Dinner and meals in general were always nice times spent with Steve and Bucky. They always knew how to brighten your day with their endless tales. Whenever they had a bad day, you always found a story of your own to tell that brighten their day. Life was enjoyable when you had them around. 

After the meal, you excuse yourself to go shower. The drive to the cabin was quite long and you were feeling a little disgusting in your clothes and wanted to change into something more comfortable. 

You had been saving this special red set of lingerie since the girls at the station gave it to you. It's almost like they knew. Hell, of course they knew. Captain America picked you up into his arms and twirled you around like a princess in front of all of them. There was a part in every one of them who knew you and Steve were more than just “old friends”. Which was why a few weeks after Steve’s arrival, a package arrived at your office. It was incredibly inappropriate to open during work but you had no idea it was lingerie. The girls told you it was from them and that you needed to save it for just the right moment. 

Well, today's the day. 

You hop in the shower and make yourself smell amazing, while doing some grooming as well. Since you had a small moment to yourself, you took this time to panic a little bit. You didn't like thinking about the “what if” moments that could happen but you had to think about them. 

You let out a soft sigh but you let the pain wash away with the warm shower. It was hard for you to let them go but it was what they needed to do to save the world. You just, you just wished they didn't need to be heroes. But this was their life. And now it was yours too.

You finish your shower and dry your hair with a towel, leaving it slightly damp and letting it air dry. You slip on your new undergarments and throw on a t-shirt and boy shorts over it. You didn't want to reveal them flat out, you wanted the boys to do a little hunting first. You look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a mental pep talk. You were going to be okay.

Tonight was going to be great. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Just some dirty talking, to simulate the brain, wink wink.

You step back into the living room with a blanket over your shoulders and head straight for the kitchen.

“Does anyone want a drink?” You pull out a beer from the fridge and look at the boys.

“Yeah I’d like a drink,” Bucky says. 

“Ditto,” Steve adds.

You grab the six pack out of the fridge and place it down on the floor where Steve and Bucky are sitting. They had gotten the fire going and as always, left you a spot in between the both of them. Before you got cozy, you decided to go grab something that might make the night just a little bit more interesting. You dig through your bag for the deck of cards you had been stashing in there. It was still early in the night and you didn't really want to have the festivities end so quickly. A little card game will help add more of a spark to the situation.

“Is anyone up for a little game?” You say, holding the cards in your hand.

“What, are we betting now?” Bucky laughs. “I didn't think gambling was your style, Y/N.”

You sit down in between the boys and tell them to scoot over a bit, leaving equal amount of space between all of you. The fireplace was directly in front of you, so there was ample lighting for your fun. 

“We’ll be gambling something a little more, exciting,” you wave the deck in front of them. “Are you up for the challenge?”

“What did you have in mind?” Steve asks, watching you as you pull the cards out from the case.

You start to shuffle and explain with a devious smile, “it's a simple game of 21. Whoever has the highest value, without going over 21, wins. The winner gets to ask the loser, or losers, ‘truth or dare’. Nothing too bad, unless you want it to be.”

The last line you add a little wink and the boys understand where you're going with this.

You quickly do one more fancy shuffle and place the deck in front of you, “now, are you interested?”

“Damn, Y/N, what did they teach you in college?” Bucky says, smirking at you. “I’m in.” 

“Sounds like an interesting game, I’m in,” Steve smiles at you. 

“Great, let's start,” you deal two cards to each person and look at your cards. “Oh, sorry boys, it looks like Lady Luck is on my side.”

You reveal your ace and queen (which is an automatic win because 21) and grin at your boys, “now which one of you is going to be my lucky loser?”

Bucky holds his value and Steve picks up a card, groaning slightly.

“I'm guessing you lost, huh buddy?” Bucky says, revealing his two face cards. 

Steve sighs, “I'm a little disappointed.”

Steve reveals his cards, which catch Bucky by surprise.

“That you'd think I'd lose so easily Buck,” Steve pushes his cards closer to Bucky. “21.”

“What a twist!” You say, clapping your hands. “Well played, Steve, well played.”

“You got lucky, Rogers,” Bucky crosses his arms then looks over at you. “Come on now, Y/N, hit me.”

“Truth or dare,” you ask him. You had so many possible questions to ask if he chose truth and so many devilish dares if he was courageous enough to choose dare.

Bucky thinks for a bit then says, “tough choice but I think I’d start us off easy with a truth.”

“Alright,” you look up at the ceiling as if you needed to think up a question when you already had the perfect one in mind, “do you like watching?”

Bucky takes a hard swallow, “I don't-I don't know what you're talking about.”

You grin and bite your lip, “you know, when it's Steve’s turn to make love to me. Do you like watching?”

Bucky curses, “now I regret choosing truth.”

“The dare wasn't any better, trust me,” you grin. “Come now, Buck, tell us.”

“F-yeah, okay, I do,” Bucky finally spits out. “I admit it. I don't really understand why, but watching you with another man just, it makes my blood boil but knowing it’s Steve makes it boil a different kind of way. Not in a jealous way but in a-”

You put your hand out and pat Bucky’s leg, “I understand, don't worry. I'm just pushing your buttons. Now you know how it feels.”

“I didn't know you could be so evil, Y/N,” Bucky looks at you with such lust-filled eyes. “If you lose, you’re toast.”

“If I lose,” you smile then look over at Steve. “I would've asked you the same question, though, you probably would've been honest much faster than Bucky. Wasn't it fun to watch him squirm?”

“It was great,” Steve laughs. “Makes me want to plan better truths and good dares.”

“You must!” You say as you shuffle the cards again. “That's the real point of this game.”

When you're done shuffling, you quickly take a sip of your beer then deal. You check your cards. A king and a three, great. Bucky picks up a card and then it's your turn. You pick up a five, which means you're pretty safe as long as one of them dies so you quit there. Steve picks up two cards and then it's time for the reveal.

“Ladies first,” Bucky says.

You reveal your 18, “can you beat that?”

“I most certainly can,” Bucky responds, still holding his cards. “It's Rogers I’m worried about.”

“What's there to be worried about Barnes?” Steve waves his four cards. “I got four cards and you got three. You would think that means I’m more likely to be the dead one here.”

“The real question is, are you?” 

“Reveal in three, two, one.”

The boys both reveal their cards. They both have 19! It's a...tie. Well, you're screwed.

“We must hold a tiebreaker!” You declare.

“No,” Bucky smiles. “I think we both deserve to ask you truth or dare, don't you agree Steve?”

Steve smiles back, “I do agree, that sounds about right.”

“I really, really hate both of you right now,” you cross your arms and sigh. “But, majority rule, I guess, so who wants to go first?”

“I think after that nasty truth you made me reveal, I deserve to go first,” Bucky leans over to you, whispering in your ear, “truth or dare.”

You turn to face him and look him straight in the eyes, “you know, I'm not stupid enough to choose dare because you probably have a diabolical one saved up in that pretty little mind of yours. Truth.”

Bucky leans away from you and lets out a deep breath then asks, “do you like it better rough or vanilla?”

“Oh,” you literally stop in your tracks. “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, you're a dirty one.”

“That isn't the answer I was looking for Y/N,” Bucky hand rests itself on your leg.

You decide to play his game, “I like whichever one gets me a better orgasm.”

“And that would be?” Steve interjects. It seems like he's curious.

You turn to Steve and smile, “I guess I like it rough, if that's how we’re categorizing it.”

Bucky leans back to whisper in your ear, “now who's really the dirty one here?”

You glare back at Bucky and say, “still you hot stuff.”

Bucky shrugs, “I can live with that. Now it's your turn Steve. Give it to her good.”

You move over to face Steve, who is sitting there quite patiently. It doesn't really catch you by surprise as much that he's a little quieter than usual, but it really should've. Because that boy, he was cooking up something inside of him.

“Y/N, truth or dare,” Steve says like the sweet gentlemen he was. 

“You know Y/N, you should switch it up, all these truths are getting a little tiring,” Bucky says.

“Shut it you, let me think,” you contemplate which to choose. Surely Steve wouldn't do anything diabolical to you, you hadn't wronged him today. He was also the more vanilla of the two boys. He was gentler to you and you couldn't think of anything he could ask that would do too much harm. 

“Alright,” you smile at Steve. “Dare.”

Steve’s eyes widen and he quickly glances over at Bucky then back at you. He looks a little lost and then, almost suddenly, his expression changes. The grin he gives you is a grin you had only seen one other time. You knew what he was about to do.

“I dare you,” Steve says, still in his perfect Captain America voice, “to tell Bucky about the day he came home and thought we weren't there.”

“Excuse me?” Bucky says to the both of you. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

The blush creeped onto your face faster than it's ever had before. 

“Y/N, what is he talking about?” Bucky says, looking at you.

You're looking at the floor, trying to hide your red face when Steve says, “go on, Y/N. Tell him and don't leave any details out.”

“To think,” you say, looking back up at your boys, “that it would be Steve who makes a play like this. Good game Rogers.”

“It's just started,” he smiles. “Now go on, it's story time.”

Bucky watches you intensely as you tell the story. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!!! It's just you and Steve but you know...you get to see a side of Steve that I, myself, did not see coming. ;)

_ A few weeks ago... _

“Can I ask you something?” Steve says to you as you wash the dishes. 

“Of course Steve,” you put away the last dish and wipe your hands dry. “You can ask me anything.”

“Have you and Bucky-” Steve clears his throat, “have you guys ever had sex without me?” 

You immediately turn around to face Steve, who is scratching the back of his neck nervously. He looks at you with such curious eyes.

You decide the truth is the best answer, “yeah, we have, only a few times though. But it's not like we ever do it without you on purpose, Steve. We would never do that. It's just sometimes we have the same breaks or you're off doing Captain America things. It's purely coincidence.”

This was the part where you see Steve’s eyes shift for the first time. He has some kind of expression on his face that you had never seen before. It was almost alluring, like a siren’s call. 

He makes his way towards you, pressing you up against the kitchen counter, “do you guys ever do anything you're afraid to tell me?”

“What-what do you mean, Steve?” His body was much, much closer than it was before. He was practically pressing up against you, you could feel, everything. 

He leans in and whispers, “you know, like sexual fantasies.”

You let out a slight yelp as Steve lifts you up onto the kitchen counter, letting your legs hang over the edge. 

“Have you?” He asks again.

“I-I suppose we’ve discussed it,” you put your hands over your face to hide the incredible blush you feel. You can feel yourself getting wet just being around Steve like this. 

“Then, can we discuss it?” Steve moves the hands away from your face and moves his legs in between your legs, spreading them wide. “Because I have a couple I’ve been meaning to tell you about.”

“Um, okay, yeah, go for it,” you say a little fast. His leg was up against your center which made talking a little difficult, which you realized he knew. 

He leans in and whispers in your ear, “every time I see you in the kitchen, I've always wanted to prop you up on this counter and have my way with you.”

You do a hard swallow. You were on the counter right now. He was dangerously close to you. Was he-was he asking for permission? 

His hand lets go of yours and slowly makes its way under your skirt and up to your thigh, where it rests. 

“Will you help me make my fantasy a reality?” He gently grazes your wet center through your panties, making you moan against him. 

There was no reason for you to say no. Not only were you incredibly attracted to this hidden dark side of Steve, you knew that he loved you and that he would never hurt you. But you had to make sure, just in case as you always did with Bucky and Steve. 

“Of course,” you say then whisper gently in his ear, “three taps or blue’s the safe word, alright?”

Steve’s expression changes back to the soft Steve you knew and loved and he nodded, confirming that he had your consent but must stop if you say the safe word or tap him three times. Then he switches back. 

And boy, were you not with the vanilla Steve anymore. 

He practically pulls you onto him as he gets on his knees, making him the perfect height to do what he does best. He slides your panties off and takes one long lick of your center.

“That's my girl,” he says, hovering a finger over your core. “Always perfectly wet.”

You bite your lip as he slowly slides a finger into you, making you shut your eyes. You feel him move in and out of you, at an agonizing pace. When he suddenly adds another finger inside of you, you nearly shove him away. It was so quick and out of routine of him. He then quickens his pace, curling his fingers this time, making you go crazy.

“Steve,” you clutch onto his shoulders, “oh god.”

“You spoke much too soon,” he says, right before sucking your clit. With both his fingers curling up inside of you, hitting your g-spot so elegantly and his mouth having its way with your clit, you could barely contain your moans. Your breathing got extremely heavy and you were moaning beyond control.

“If you keep sounding like that, I’ll regret being down here, and not up there,” he hums against your clit. 

You feel a sudden jolt and then came your climax. It overwhelmed you, taking you completely by surprise. You could feel yourself dripping wet by the lewd sounds Steve was making with his tongue in between your legs. 

“Mmm, you never fail to amaze me,” Steve licks his lips and his fingers. “You always unravel when you're in my hands.”

Steve unzips his pants and pulls out his cock, which is already hard. You’re barely down from your high when you feel Steve press against your center, your legs spread wide, accepting him. He throws on a condom and smiles.

Steve leans into you and whispers, “I didn't realize you were so willing to accept today.”

Before you could react, Steve pushes his entire length inside of you. You are taken back, literally. The force pushes you against the wall but Steve pulls you back to the edge, now holding your legs. He keep his hands at your hips as he pulls out of you almost all of the way, then fills you up again. 

You can barely breathe out, “f-fuck.”

“You haven't seen anything yet,” he growls into your ear. “I've got one hell of a stamina.”

He continues at this game, pulling almost all the way out of you, then ramming his entire length into you. Just when you think you’re about to climax again, he pulls out of you, then pushes into you again. 

“Please, Steve,” you sigh against his chest, your arms holding on tight to his shirt, “let me-let me climax.”

“I,” he pushes into you all the way, making you yelp. Then he pulls all the way out again, “don't think I can do that.”

You try to move your hips but he has full control, not allowing you to move unless he moves you. 

“Please, please, Steve,” you beg him, “I need-”

You can hear a knock on the door and you stop speaking immediately. 

“Hey guys, are you home?” Bucky says into the door.

Suddenly, Steve pushes himself deep inside of you and you let out an involuntary moan, which makes you quickly cover your mouth with your hands.

“Did I hear something?” You hear Bucky ask himself. “Hey, are you guys messing with me?”

Steve leans in and whispers, “you really shouldn't make a sound, unless you want Bucky to see us like this. You, on the verge of climaxing, up on our kitchen counter, maybe you want him to see you like this.”

You shake your head and bite your lip as Steve starts thrusting into you now. You want to grab a hold of him but your hands are preoccupied with keeping your noises to yourself. All the while, Bucky is literally at the front door, contemplating whether or not to come in. You beg him, mentally in your head, not to come in. 

Steve's thrusts are fast and fill you up so much that you can barely handle it. Your moans slip out little by little and the barrier that is your hands can only keep in so much. Then, you hear the keys turning. 

“You better be quiet or he's going to hear us,” Steve whispers in your ear, but not stopping his thrusting.

You hear the door swing open and Bucky says, “are you guys really not here?”

You hold your mouth shut and try to keep all the noises inside of you. But the way Steve was thrusting inside of you made you hot and dizzy and the fact that Bucky was literally steps away from seeing Steve having his way with you on the kitchen counter made you all the more aroused. 

“I guess they went out. I might as well go buy some new shirts I've been meaning to get,” Bucky says, then shuts the door. 

When you hear his footsteps living the apartment complex, you release all the moans you've been keeping in for the past agonizing minutes. That is followed by one of the strongest orgasms you've ever felt in your life. Your body was literally crumbling on top of Steve as his thrusts get irregular and frantic and then he unloads into you, groaning heavily. It was a bigger load than usual, filling you up practically to the brim. In a few moments, he pulls out of you, then tosses the condom into the trash. He helps you off the counter and brushes off your skirt. He fixes his pants then brings you for a hug.

He combs through your hair with his fingers, “I’m sorry if that was a little much, Y/N.” 

“It's alright,” you put your head against his chest, “I mean, it was more than alright. I didn't know you had that side in you.”

“Only when I'm with you,” he pulls you away slightly to look at you. “Whenever I’m with you, there's so many things I want to do to you. But the most important thing I want to do is to love you and treat you right.”

You lean up to kiss him, “thank you for always caring. I love you too. But, um, let's keep this between us, alright?”

“Don't worry, Bucky will never find out.” Steve says with a laugh. “At least not through me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the end of this update! As I promised, there was smut <3 sorry it wasn't a big update as I had originally hoped, but there's a reason for that!
> 
> For the next few chapters, I need a little help coming up with some interesting truths (or some saucy dares, wink wink) so please, comment some suggestions! I would love some suggestions and will take all suggestions in consideration for the next update.
> 
> In the rare (and sad) case that no one comments, I do have a stash of possibilities locked up so never fear, the fic will always go on! 
> 
> But please, leave your feedback! I'd love to hear what kind of truths or dares you want the boys (or yourself) to fulfill :D


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little fluff chapter! <3 sorry it took so long to update, I was originally going to release this chapter earlier, but I had so many errands to run before college started up again ;; hope you enjoy!

“And there you have it,” you say, finishing the story. You look over at Steve, “happy?”

“A little bit,” Steve says. “No, a lot.”

“I can't believe you two did that to me,” Bucky glares at the both of you. “Why couldn't I join?”

“It's not your turn to be asking the questions Buck,” you bat your eyelashes and shuffle the cards again. “If you want to ask any questions, win the game.”

You deal the cards again. 10, now that's a good number. Bucky draws a card then you draw one. Face card! 20, pretty good. You let Steve take two cards (again?!) and wait from one of them to reveal.

“Come on boys,” you say, smiling. “Let's see those cards!”

“I’m dead,” Bucky reveals his 25. Ouch, a jack, a five and a queen.

You look over at Steve, “well?”

“I’m dead too,” Steve reveals his cards. Oh, tough luck. He drew a face card as his last draw, making his 13 into a 23. Game over.

“I guess that means it's payback round?” You say, revealing your surviving 20. You rub your hands together, “oh boy, this is going to be fun!”

“Woah, hold up,” Bucky says, stopping you, “there shouldn't be two losers.”

“Well there shouldn't have been two winners last round either, but I let that slide so I think I deserve this one,” you flip your hair and wink at him. “Now who wants to go first?”

After a long moment of silence, Bucky raises his hand, “I might as well.”

You look over at Bucky and ask, “truth or dare.”

Bucky sighs, “I hate to be the boring one but I’m a little afraid of you right now, so truth.”

“Aw,” you pat Bucky’s hand, “there's nothing to be afraid of. Just humiliation.”

“Just ask the question,” Bucky says. “Please.”

“Not so fast,” you turn to face Steve, “are you going to be choosing truth too?”

Steve scratches the back of his head, “probably.”

“Alright, then I’ll ask both of you the same question,” you smile then say, “when did you know you were in love with me?”

“Since the moment I met you,” Steve says before Bucky can get out a word.

Bucky smiles, “yeah, I can vouch for that. Steve had this huge crush on you after you walked into our homeroom class on the first day of school.”

You can see Steve face flush and he nods, “you were the most perfect person I had ever since in my life. The way you answered questions, the way you were always so calm and collected, the way you smiled when you thought no one else was watching. I just knew you were my girl.”

You take the opportunity to lean into Steve and give him a nice, long kiss. You say against his lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responds back, rubbing his nose gently against yours. “I always have and I always will.”

You turn away to look at Bucky and say, “and what about you?”

“Sorry to say, mine is a little less lovey dovey,” Bucky looks over at the fireplace. “I think I fell in love with you when we had that long talk right before starting the 12th grade. We were sitting at the park and you asked me what I saw in my future. I lied and said a medal for my work in the military. But when you asked me that, the only thing I could think about was you. I saw you in my future and after that, I couldn't imagine you not being in my future. It was then that I realized this entire time, I was in love with you.” 

You move your hand up to turn Bucky’s face towards yours and you kiss him softly. He accepts your lips and kisses you back, sighing against your lips.

“I wish I had realized sooner,” he says, “I wouldn't have wasted my time with all those other girls when the girl of my dreams was right there beside me.”

You brush your thumb against his cheek and kiss his forehead, “the only thing that matters is that you're here now.”

You scoot back over to your spot in front of the fire and laugh, “now that was an eventful truth or dare. Though, that one was a little bit of a freebie if I do say so myself. I won't be so kind next time.”

You shuffle the cards again and deal them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise a bigger update is coming. I've caught the nasty writer's block bug along with being in college again D': so many assignments and it only just started! I do want to celebrate that I passed my summer class (yippie!) so I will be writing (or attempting to write LOL) more <3 
> 
> There's some good stuff coming up plot-wise...though "good" isn't exactly what you may think...teehee


	16. Chapter 16

“Hey,” Bucky places his hand over yours, stopping you from dealing. 

“What's up, Buck?” Your eyes meet his and he clears his throat.

“I’m just thinking about back then so can we just…talk, for a bit?” Bucky looks over at Steve, seeking approval.

Steve nods, “it would be nice to talk like we used to.”

You smile and can't help letting a soft sigh slip out. They both grab your hands and hold it gently against theirs. In a way, you were avoiding trying to think about the events tomorrow. Playing these games, distracting yourself, you suppose Steve and Bucky finally caught on. 

“I’m sorry if I seemed a little…” You pause, trying to find the right words. “I’m just, I guess I’m trying to cope.”

“We understand,” Steve says, scooting closer to you. “If anyone should be sorry, it's us. We’re the ones who are expecting you to be completely okay with..all this.”

“We know it's not going to be okay,” Bucky says, also coming closer to you, “and it kills us inside.”

Your voice comes out monotone, “but it's what you have to do.”

Unconsciously, you lay down on the floor, practically bringing Bucky and Steve down with you. You three lay there, just thinking. You wondered what they were thinking as they looked at you from either side. You know what you were thinking. If tonight was the last night you saw them… You couldn't bare the thought but you couldn't run from it any longer. Your thumb spins your ring around in your hand, alerting Steve who’s holding your left hand. Now he knew what you were thinking. And as his eyes meet with Bucky’s, now Bucky knew too. The air was cold despite the fire crackling away. You all were thinking the same thing now. And as much as they wanted to tell you, they couldn't say for sure. Even if they had promised you earlier, they knew tonight was not a night to make promises that may not come true. And yet, they did anyways. In soft whispers, you heard them tell you sweet nothings and you couldn't help but believe them. 

“No matter where you are, I will always find you,” Steve’s voice lingers against your ear as he presses his ring against yours, “and we’ll be together forever.”

“I’ll come back to you, if not tomorrow, someday,” Bucky traces a small heart in the back of your hand, “because your love is worth fighting for.”

You pull their hands close to your heart and you fight back your urge to cry because God, all you wanted to do was cry. They weren't all sad tears, some of them would be happy, appreciating the kindness of the men you have been so gratefully loved by. It was in this moment, as the hush of the fire is the only sound filling the room, that you etch the memory of Steve and Bucky inside of your mind. Not remembering today as possibly the last day you would be with them, but remembering them as they are, kind, beautiful, boys who were also the greatest friends you’ve ever had in your entire life. That's what you wanted to remember. 

“Thank you,” you smile, genuinely and lovingly to each of them, “for being my best friends.”

The moments following have no speech. As Steve helps you off the ground, Bucky walks over to the record player and puts on a tune all too familiar to you. It was the song at prom that you, Bucky and Steve listened to from outside the gym, carrying sparklers and twirling, having your very own prom outside of prom. Steve bows in front of you, silently asking for your hand. You graciously accept. Bucky leans back against the wall, watching you and Steve waltz away, smiling at his two idiots. Despite having incredibly good grades, you never did learn how to dance. But neither could Steve. So you both danced, to the best of your abilities, laughing away the embarrassment. You couldn't help but smile in Steve’s arms, as dancing with him made you feel like a kid again. 

Right before the song would end and loop again, Bucky slides onto the makeshift dance floor, his hand awaiting yours. You curtsy to Steve and he humbly takes his leave, letting Bucky take your hand. Bucky is a completely different story. When you danced with him, you were not filled with the adolescent feeling of fun times like you were with Steve. With Bucky, you danced like you were the most important person in the room and all eyes were on you. He lead you in a way that made you blush, not from embarrassment, but from the sheer notion that he could dance and he was dancing with you. It was a completely different atmosphere, and it was just as amazing. 

Bucky breaks the silences just to say, “I like a girl who pretends she can't dance.”

You bite your lip and look away from Bucky, as his expression was getting much too dreamy for you to look at directly. As your eyes meet Steve’s, he rolls them and laughs, making you laugh, helping you ease back into the situation. You were thankful to have this mix of personality to be with. Steve and Bucky balanced themselves out perfectly and they knew how to keep that balance steady around you. You loved them for all these small cautious things they did for you; they don't even notice that they do them.

Steve and Bucky make eye contact and you have yet to figure out, in all the years you’ve known them, how they just know what the other is saying with only a glance. In a swoop, Bucky picks you up in his arms, holding you closely against his chest. Steve walks over to the door of the bedroom, opening it for the two of you. Bucky steps over the threshold and you turn a deep shade of red as you realize what is going on. With a quick switch, Bucky hands you off to Steve, who then walks over to place you down on the bed. They stood there, patiently waiting to hear your voice. 

The words that fall from your lips into the air melt into the warmth radiating from the three of you.

“Make love to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't even realize that I haven't updated in three months OOPS??? Well uh...prepare yourselves for a whole lot of updates.


	17. Chapter 17

How many times… For now you can't answer that. It was a ball of fire and passion. Hands going everywhere, holding on tight. Skin on skin, lips invading. Everything was hot and red, like the lingerie that sits in the corner of the room, forgotten. There was steam filling the air and your world became nothing but heat. 

But, sadly, no amount of heat can stop the sudden chill that creeps up your spine the next morning. As you slip out of their hold, you make your way to the shower to try to cleanse yourself of the thoughts that invade your mind. It was all the what ifs… The possibility of… You bite your lip hard enough for it to bleed, watching the blood mix with the cold water pouring over you. Turning the water on high, you clench your body and drop to the ground, crying. Punching the wall, you want to scream, just to curse the fact that you can't think about the night you just experienced, but only about… 

This repeated, every day. You couldn't think about anything else. Every time you thought about them, it was fear and worry that overcame you. Your memory betrays you constantly. You feel like you can see the bad things happening to them, even though they aren't real. Your friends can see how shaken up you are. They try to console you.

“Y/N, you can talk to me,” Terrence rests his hand on your shoulder in the empty bar. Jones has closed it for the day, letting you hide out in it. 

“I don't even remember sending them off,” you press your hands against your face, hard enough to leave a print. You slam your hands against the table, “what is wrong with me!”

“What do you remember?” Jones asks, pulling up a chair next to you and Terrence at the booth with the least amount of light. 

“It's all a blur,” you rub your eyes. “That night, that morning, sending them off… All I remember was crying in the shower and that's it.”

“You're blocking it out,” Terrence says, “it's a coping mechanism.”

“But why would I block something like this out?” You try to pull at your hair but Jones stops you.

“You don't want to be bald when they come back,” Jones puts your hands on the table. 

“If they come back,” you lay your head on the table, blowing out a puff of air. 

“Do you really think they won't?” Terrence looks at you carefully. 

“I don't know what to think anymore. It's been a week and nothing. Even Peggy won't tell me anything. For all I know, they could already be dead.”

“You don't know that,” he says, Jones nodding in agreement.

“Maybe they’re planning a surprise!” Jones tries to lighten the mood.

“How cruel would that be,” you sigh. “Knowing how I feel, and yet they’re hiding from me.”

Terrence gives Jones a look and he mouths the words “I’m sorry”. 

“Well, just think about what you’ll do when they come back,” Terrence rubs your back. 

“Yes,” you say sarcastically, “that's what I’ll do. I’ll fucking imagine all of the wonderful bullshit we’ll do together IF they make it back alive and in one piece.”

“I just don't understand!” Jones says, “you knew them when they were already in the army. How could you feel this way now?”

“Because,” you cry out, “back then… I worried for them, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't write them an angry letter, screaming don't do that! But this time, I screamed and fought and they still went, and I let them in the end! There's not a day that goes by that I don't bite myself for not fighting harder, for not stopping them… And now, I’m facing the consequences.”

An eerie silence falls over the pub. Your hands reach out to the cup of tea Jones had made you. They wouldn't let you drink alcohol; they said it made your thoughts worse, which was true. When your fingers touch the cup, the warmth makes you flashback to that night, making you choke back a sob. You practically shove the cup out of your hand, letting it crash heavy against the floor, slipping everywhere. You watch the tea fill the ground, the little bits of the cup scattered. 

“I got it,” Jones gets up and sweeps up the broken pieces, “no tea, noted.”

“Sorry,” your voice is practically mute. Jones nods, understanding. 

Terrence says calmly, “do you want to go home? I’ll take you.”

“Okay,” you say. You get out of the booth, Terrence following after. 

“They’ll come back for you,” Terrence says as you get out of his car. You wave goodbye but you can't agree with him. You knew better. 

Once you're back to your empty apartment, you look around at the mess that's accumulated. You simply walk past it and lay down on the couch. Sleeping on the bed alone was just too difficult for you. The couch seemed to make you reminiscent of the days you spent countless hours at the station, until finally being able to come home and falling straight to sleep on the couch. You only slept to cure your exhaustion. You were always tired now. Your mental state was weighing you down. 

Your body jolts awake when you hear the doorbell ring. You jump out off the couch and rush to the door, pulling it open. The men standing at your door in casual business attire just disappoint you.

“I ain't buying shit,” you go to slam the door.

“It's an announcement,” one of the men puts his hand on the door, stopping you, “you’re listed as the contact for Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers, correct, Ms. Y/N?”

You glare at them, “yes. That's me. Who the fuck are you?”

“We have some information pertaining to them for you,” the man points to the envelope in his hand. “It's regarding… Their current condition.”

Your eyes widen and you reach out to grab the envelope but the man holds it away. 

“I’m going to need to see some identification,” the man puts his hand out. 

“Fuck, it’s somewhere…” You scratch your head and walk into your apartment and they follow, looking strangely at the condition of the place. You comb through the mess for your bag, pulling out your ID. Handing it to them, they put it against a file they have and nod. 

“Y/N, we have some news for you,” the man says. 

“What is it?” You pinch your skin nervously.

“We think it’s best you read it for yourself,” they hand you the yellow envelope. 

You take the envelope hesitantly, then open it. There was one piece of paper inside. It had a picture of Bucky and a picture of Steve, with text next to each of them. You don't dare to read it, but your eyes force the text upon you.

_ Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes is proclaimed K.I.A as of this date xx-xx-xxxx.  _

_ Steve Rogers, codename: Captain America, is reported M.I.A as this date xx-xx-xxxx. Last heard from Special Agent Peggy Carter. _

You gasp, your heart sinking. Your whole body begins to shake and you nearly let out a scream that you’ve been holding in the past week. It is in this moment, that specific breath, that a rag is put against your lips, making you breathe in a toxin. You try to fight back, but the men hold you down. The world begins to become foggy. In your struggles, you feel the paper being ripped out of your hands. The men themselves are now reading the paper, laughing. The tears flow down your eyes as the drowsiness begins to consume you. Surprisingly the darkness that fills your mind is nothing compared to the void you feel inside of you. 

Slipping in and out of consciousness, you can hear them speak. 

“Women are so weak,” one of them says. 

“If you push someone to their breaking point, capturing them is much easier to do,” the other laughs. 

“She will pay for the troubles they’ve caused us.”


	18. Chapter 18

It was cold. Too cold. The sheets that wrapped around your body provided you no warmth. The steel cage you were put in did not help either. As your eyes adjust to the solid metal walls surrounding you, you know you're not in a good place. You push the sheets off of you and stand, only to collapse to the floor again. Why were you feeling so weak? And then it hit you.

They were gone. You clutched your heart and laid down on the cold ground and wept. Your tears were oddly warm and they did not provide any comfort. Wherever you are, you were alone. 

What must you have done to deserve this? Not only do you hear that your best friends, the loves of your life, are dead, but you get kidnapped as well. No trace left behind to tell anyone where you went. You’ve disappeared. You’re alone. 

You hold your arms close to your chest and cry out, screaming. All the pain you’ve been holding inside of you just comes all out. You scream in sorrow, in pain, in loss, in...you just scream. It was the only thing you could do. 

No. It wasn't. There is an energy suddenly surging through you and you stand, fist up. You were a fighter, God dammit. You walk up to the door, and bang on it with your fist, hard. Again. And again. And again. Screaming louder, yelling at whoever is trapping you in here.

“I’m not afraid of you!” You shout, smashing your fists against the metal. It hurt, but you could not feel the pain. All your emotions were pouring out into your fists and you punched hard. You could feel the walls taking your collision with full force, but the metal will not budge. 

When your hands are red and swollen, you stop. You put your fists down to your sides and your knees drop to the floor. Your head looks down and the tears fall again and even though you're biting your lip as hard as you can, you can't stop yourself from whimpering in fear. You were so afraid, so alone, so…

The door opens and a man in an black and red uniform appears. He has a smile on his face and it is not inviting. The Hydra logo was stitched on bright as day, sitting on his shirt pocket. You dislike how photogenic he was. The shining pupil of Hydra, that's probably what people called him. From the files you’ve snuck a peak at from Bucky and Steve, he was known as ‘The General’. You look up at him with disgust. 

“I’m glad to see you're filled with energy this afternoon,” he kneels down and shakes his head, “my my, look at what you've done to your pretty hands.” 

He reaches for your hands and you pull them away from him, scooting backwards slightly. 

“That's not a very nice way to treat your new boss,” he frowns dramatically, “and to think, I came here to deliver you a present. Well I guess you don't want him anymore…”

Your eyes widen at his statement as he steps to the side, revealing Bucky. He was soaked in water, breathing heavy. He looked so cold, colder than you felt. All you wanted was to keep him warm. Instinctively, you reach out to him but the man steps back in the way. 

“Suddenly so eager to want your present?” The man smiles again, sending a cold chill down your spine. 

“He's not yours to give,” you growl back at the man.

“Anything in here is my property,” he says in a sterner, more diabolical voice, “and I’ll do whatever I please with my property. Now, if you're a good girl, I’ll give you your present. Do we have a deal?”

“What do you want from me?” You can't help but shiver at the many possible answers to that question.

“We will need you to take a few tests for us, that's all,” the man steps to the side and two men come into the room. Bucky is gone. 

“Where is he?” You shove the men away as they try to grab a hold of you.

“He's safe, for now. If you keep resisting, when you finally do see him, he might not be in good condition.”

That makes you stop fighting. An overwhelming sense of fear of what they would do to Bucky filled your body. The men take you by the arms and being to escort you out.

As you pass by the man, he whispers in your ear, “remember me, we’ll meet again soon.”

For the next couple hours, you're confined in another fullmetal room, except this time, there's actual things in it. They run all sorts of tests on you. Blood tests, body scans, they even made you run on a treadmill to test your endurance. The worst of all was the mental evaluation. They asked you all sorts of uncomfortable questions, about yourself, your family, your hometown, Steve, Bucky, your relationship with them, details of your relationship with them. Everything about you, they needed to evaluate. By the time they were finished, you were mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. 

The General comes into the room once the tests are finished. There's a big smile on his face again. God you hated that smile. It was etched into your memory as the worst evil smile you could possibly imagine. 

He slowly claps and then says in an overly enthusiastic voice, “I have wonderful news, you've passed with flying colors!” 

You don't question, rather you just keep your arms crossed and look blankly at the wall. He doesn't enjoy your lack of reaction.

“If we’re going to make this work, you should really vocalize when I need you to.”

“Make what work,” you glare at him. “Why do you care whether I give a shit about what you’re saying? You’ve kidnapped me and Bucky and now we’re in some fucking factory doing god knows what!”

The General is displeased with your attitude, “I'm only trying to better the world. It would be nice to receive feedback on the situation.”

“Well your feedback is to fuck off,” you groan. “Is this over or are you going to stick more needles into me?”

“It's over, though now I’m considering whether or not to hold up my end of the deal.”

You stand rapidly and walk up to the General, “don't even think about it.”

“Now there's the fire I've been looking for!” He says excitedly. “You do not disappoint. Come now, let me show you your new room.”

The door glides open and the same two men come back in, take a hold of your arms and drag you behind the General. By now, you’re used to it, which in your mind was not a good thing. They stop in front of a metal door, much similar to the one you glimpsed at before from your old cell. 

When they open it, your eyes shoot right for Bucky, who has his head down, chained up to the wall. He was beaten up pretty badly. There were tears in his shirt and cuts on his face and god knows where else. The General walks in and unlocks his restraints. He falls to the floor with a great big thud and you gasp, pulling yourself out of the men’s grip to run up beside him. 

“You said you wouldn't hurt him!” You scream to the General.

“I know what I say,” the General kicks Bucky in the side, making Bucky wince in pain, “but I was bored.”

You pull Bucky close to you and hold him against your chest. As the General walks out, he turns back to look at you and Bucky, crossing his arms at the sight.

“Clean him up, he's filthy,” he says, pointing to a door in the corner of the room, “we’ll be back soon, either for him or you or maybe the both of you. Whatever we’re in the mood for. Have fun.”

With that, he shuts the door. 


	19. Chapter 19

You set Bucky back down on the floor and get up to find the light switch. The room they placed you in this time was slightly bigger than the last one. You flip the lights on and glance at the room in its entirety. It was scarce, only having a bigger bed and a door leading to what you assumed was a bathroom. The room size was double the last one, but that wasn't saying much. You help Bucky into the bed and let out a sigh of relief. You were thankful he wasn't dead, but knowing you were both trapped in a Hydra whatever the hell this is, that didn't comfort you much either. Bucky’s wounds weren’t fatal, but they were bad. 

“Those guys beat you up pretty bad Buck,” you sigh as you wring a towel into a bowl of water before beginning to clean his wounds. 

“It's nice to see you too Y/N,” Bucky chuckles then winces.

Only Bucky could still crack a joke like that in a situation like this. Maybe it was because he's been captured by Hydra once, so this wasn't anything too unfamiliar to him. It's sad to say how true that was.

“How long have you been here?” You wipe his forehead and the cut on his cheek. 

“Maybe a week or so,” Bucky sits up with a huff and pulls his shirt off so you can look at the wounds on his back. “You?”

“Just got here, I think,” you press your fingers against his clear skin, feeling his warmth radiate against your cold fingertips. “Does it hurt?”

“What you're doing, no, never,” he may be turned away from you but you knew he was genuinely smiling, “what they did, not too much but damn does that guy kick hard.”

You wrap your arms around Bucky, laying your head against his bare back, “I was so worried Buck.”

“I know,” his hands lay themselves gently on yours, “I'm sorry.”

“They told me… They told me you were killed in action,” you shook your head against him.

“I’m here,” Bucky says to you, “in the worst way possible, but I’m here.”

“Is Steve…” You didn't want to ask, but the question was throwing knives into your heart. 

“I don't know,” Bucky turns around and grips your hands, “a part of me believes he's still alive. That kid could take one hell of a punch, even death probably can't knock him out in one try.”

You laugh, it was difficult, but you did. It was comforting to have Bucky around but your heart still hurt for the possibility of Steve being gone and you and Bucky being confined in a hellhole. 

You look down, avoiding Bucky’s eyes, “what do you think they’re going to do to us?” 

Bucky lifts your face up and holds onto your hands again, “it's nothing we can't handle. We have each other, Y/N. That's all that matters.”

“Okay,” you say as you gaze directly into Bucky’s eyes, “I trust you.”

He leans in and kisses you, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you help him out of bed. “Now let's get you really cleaned up.”

“Yes ma’am,” he smiles, letting you support him as you both walk to the door. The bathroom is minimal, like the cell, with a sink, a rack with clothes and towels, a toilet and a shower without any walls to differentiate it from the rest of the bathroom. It was just a shower nozzle on the ceiling of the bathroom, slightly off center. 

“I got it from here,” Bucky says. “Unless you want to…”

“I should help you wash your back,” you turn on the shower, letting the warm water soak you and your clothes. “Come on.”

Bucky steps into the water with you and turns around. You let the water hit his back, watching it drip down and occasionally fill his deeper wounds. You take the bar of soap and lather it up on a sponge, then begin massaging it into his back. You're gentle around the areas with wounds, making sure to avoid any more inflammation. When you're done, you hand Bucky the sponge and step out of the water. You wring as much water off your shirt as you can before pulling it off along with your sweats. You grab a towel and dry yourself off before taking off your undergarments. You put on the new clothes provided to you and walk out, not even noticing Bucky’s gaze on you. You were just so tired, you couldn't think about anything else but laying down and trying to cope with everything. You dry off your hair as best as you can before throwing the towel into the basket and laying down in bed. 

What were you and Bucky doing here with Hydra? Why did they need to perform all those tests on you? Did they do the same to Bucky? Hydra did some crazy things and they could be using you and Bucky for a number of them. Test subjects, human weaponry, they could sell your body parts if they really needed the money. You clutch your pillow and scrunch up into fetal position. You were tough but being trapped was never one of your strong suits. You didn't like being pushed into a corner with no way out. Maybe you could find a way out. It wouldn’t be impossible. But with those men always carrying you where you need to go, you could never roam the halls alone. Escape would be difficult but not impossible. 

“Are you feeling alright?” Bucky says to you as he climbs into bed. You turn to face him and shake your head and he pulls you into his warm arms. “It's okay not to be okay. We’re stuck in a pretty shit situation right now.”

“Tell me about it,” you tap your arm, “my arm can barely move because of all the needles they've stabbed into me.”

“You’ve got thick skin,” Bucky brushes your still damp hair out of your face. “If anyone can handle a couple of strange needles, it's you.”

“Normally I’m the one administering them,” you sigh. 

“They won't do anything to you. Not while I’m here.”

“What happened to you, Buck?” You brush your thumb against his cheek, feeling his warm skin against your fingers. “How did they get you?”

“One moment, I’m falling to my death and the next moment, I wake up on a metal table with fresh stitches,” he points at the stitches in his side you had noticed earlier but didn't mention. “Then they kept me in this cell, chained up, saying I’ll be needed ‘when the time was right’.”

You touch his stitches, “these are shit.”

“You would know,” he smiles. 

“I hate this,” you lean your head against his chest and whisper, “we need to get out of here.”

“If I know one thing about captured by Hydra,” Bucky looks at you sadly, “getting out only happens if someone comes for us.”

“That means…”

“Our only hope is the possibility Steve is truly invincible and he’ll come for us.”

“How would he even know that you're alive and that I’m not only missing, but kidnapped by Hydra?” You frown, “he's smart but this is a riddle no one can solve.”

“He’ll find us,” Bucky says confidently, “as long as there's hope, he'll always be looking.”

“I don't know if this is the right thing to say but…” You smile slightly, “I'm glad you're stuck here with me.”

“I love you too,” Bucky kisses your forehead. 

You close your eyes and get closer to him, letting his warmth cradle you to sleep. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in addition to all the OCs I've created, of course I needed to make a villain. Imagine him as a Jamie Dornan type of fella, aka how I pictured him when I was making that OC. Welcome to my mind.

The General watches you and Bucky from the enclosed room with the one sided mirror next door. He rolls his eyes as he watches Bucky stroke your hair as you fall asleep.

“There's nothing I hate more than happy couples,” The General says to the other man in the room. “Aren't they just irritating?”

“Yes sir,” the man replies. 

“What's your name?” The General asks.

“Gregory, sir,” the man bows. 

The General smiles, “Gregory, do you know why I let these two be together tonight?” 

“No sir,” he replies, shaking his head. 

“Because I need to see what is so special about this woman,” he taps the screen where you’re laying. “And how she stole the heart of two of the most powerful soldiers in all of history. Do you know why I need to do that, Gregory?”

“I’m sorry sir, I don't know,” Gregory shakes his head again. 

“There's nothing better to weaponize than love, my dear Gregory,” The General pulls out his gun and shoots Gregory right in the head, letting his blood splatter all over him. “I’m glad I got that off my chest. It’s been troubling not telling anyone.” 

The General walks out of the room, telling the other men to clean up the body. He has that wicked smile on his face as he walks down the hallway. The smile signals when he thinks about his plan and how happy it makes him. 

All it took was you. 

You wake up, strapped to a chair, with a bucket of cold water splashed on you. 

“What the fuck!” You scream and glare over at the General, who immediately filled your vision.

“Hello dear!” He pulls up a chair besides you, his voice cheery. “How are we this morning?”

“Not well,” you shake your wet hair into his face.

“Sadly, you better get used to this,” he frowns mockingly before smiling again.

“Can't you just wake me up like a normal person?” You roll your eyes. “What am I doing here?” 

“We’re conducting an experiment on you and Bucky,” he says. 

The General pushes a button on the wall and the metal lifts up, revealing a glass barrier. You look up to see Bucky across from you, also restrained. A man splashes him with water as well, jerking him awake. 

“I like to call this bit, ‘separation anxiety’,” the General knocks on the glass and waves at Bucky.

Bucky shakes the water off of himself and pulls at his restraints. You do the same, but they won't budge. 

“Aw,” the General chuckles, “you two are just adorable, mimicking each other’s actions. Let's see how you react to this.”

With a wave of a hand, a hearty electric shock jolts through your body, making you wince in immense pain. Bucky gets the same shock, pushing him back in his chair, his fists clenched. 

“I'm surprised you both didn't have the same reaction this time,” the General nods. “Interesting.”

“You sadist fuck,” you spit at him. “What are you trying to do?”

“I’ve barely started,” the General kneels in front of you, looking at your hand. “Those pretty hands are still red from yesterday’s little stunt?”

“Get away from me, hand fetish,” you growl at him. 

“Everyone enjoys different things,” he holds your hand firmly down, kissing it. 

You try to pull your hand away and you can see Bucky tug at his restraints. 

“What do you want from me?” 

“I don't want anything from you,” the General stands back up and whispers in your ear, “I want you.”

“Bite me, bitch,” you glare up at him. 

“Now what does she see in you, soldier?” The General looks over at Bucky and presses his finger against the glass, pointing at him. “You’re just a thick cut of flesh and yet, she’d do anything for you. Now why is that?”

You can only see the General’s back now and the expression on Bucky’s face. Bucky was trying his best to free himself from the restraints but he couldn't. 

“Let's see if you’d do anything for her,” the General says into the air then looks back at you. “This should be fun.”

It was not fun. Once he said that, all bets were off. The room Bucky was in was vacated and he was left only with his restraints. The General stayed in the room with you, and begun the experiment. It wasn't until after a few shocks in that you realized it was only you getting shocked. It was Bucky, screaming stop, that made you realize. You watched the rage and the helplessness fill Bucky’s eyes as you were repeated electrocuted over and over again. 

“I’m so sorry to make you suffer,” the General reaches for your cheek, holding it in his hand. You were too weak to pull away; your entire body exhausted of all strength, as if it was all zapped away with the electricity. “But it doesn't look like he loves you, now does he?”

The General moves away from you and then walks over to the glass again and says to Bucky, “if he loved you, don’t you think he’d be banging on the glass already? Maybe he's just not strong enough to help you.”

With another wave of the hand, you are shocked once again. This time, however, you are unsure if Bucky was given the same treatment given the expression on his face. He looks as if something has happened, if not a shock, what? Your head was spinning and you wanted to collapse. Your body drooped and both men saw it.

“Won't you help her?” The General says to Bucky. “She's getting awfully weak. One more shock might kill her.”

He begins to slowly raise his hand, beginning to signal another shock. You knew he was right. If you could handle one more shock, the next would be your last. You could feel your heart wanting to stop. All the while this slow movement was happening, your eyes are focused on Bucky, who is furiously trying to free himself off his restraints. There would be bruises on his hands from the constant pulling, scrapes from the metal buckle that secured the restraints, rope burn even. And yet he kept going, not giving up this time. It was like a surge of energy came over him and with one strong tug, both arm and leg restraints broke off. He jumps out of his chair and runs to the glass, face to face with the General, whose hand is still mid-wave. 

“I knew you had it in you,” the General says to Bucky, then turns to you, “and let's see if she has it in her.”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he starts to bang on the glass as the General completes the wave, sending the last shock through your system. This time, the restraints are sucked back into the chair and the shock is enough to make you fall off, colliding your weak body against the cold, hard floor. You lay there, unavailable to move, just experiencing the aftershocks. Bucky is pounding away at the glass as the General kneels besides you. 

“You're much stronger than I thought you’d be,” the General gets close to you and whispers. “You might be more useful than I thought.”

Unable to respond even in the slightest way, you just curl up, trying to get rid of the pain surging through your brain. The General gets up, smiles at Bucky and you and then takes his leave. Once the door is shut on your side, the glass lifts itself, opening up both rooms to each other. Bucky runs to you, lifting you up and holding you against his chest. His warmth was comforting but it did not help the pain you were feeling. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I couldn't get to you sooner.”

“It's not your fault Buck,” you breathe into his chest, his shirt still wet. “There was nothing you could do.”

Those were not the right words to use at all, for they hit Bucky in such a way that made him tremble in defeat. 

“He wanted to make you feel helpless,” you say to Bucky, trying so hard to move your hand so you could hold his. “Like you couldn't save me because you weren't strong enough.”

“He did make me feel helpless,” Bucky cradles you in his arms, “I had never felt more helpless in my life. Watching him inflict pain on you, unable to do anything, I was completely at his will.”

“What did they do to you?” Your hand is finally regaining strength and you touch Bucky’s exposed skin, which was burning hot. The increased temperature you feel is the intense body heat coming from Bucky. It wasn't his natural warmth.

“I felt an injection of some sort,” Bucky begins to explain, “it was a few at once, all stabbing into my body like a combination of liquids. My blood began to boil and I got this sudden rush of adrenaline. It gave me the strength to break free.”

“It's a continuation,” your eyes begin to droop again, exhausted and the heat you’re feeling was making you sleepy. 

You couldn't hear Bucky respond or anything. You realize now that it was the warmth that was making you sleepy, it was the gas that was just thrown into the room. Soon you and Bucky are both sent straight into slumber.


	21. Chapter 21

_ Rewind... _

It was only a couple days after Bucky had been rescued that you had sensed something that happened during his capture.

“Where's Steve?” Bucky says as he opens the front door to your apartment. Putting away the last dish, you quickly dry your hands after washing them and shrug, not knowing where Steve was. 

“I think he left with Peggy this morning, they needed to film something,” you turn to walk up to Bucky. “Are you feeling better?”

Bucky nods and leans down to kiss you reassuringly, “that psychologist on duty really knows his stuff.”

“Yeah,” you smile, thinking about Terrence and how you really needed to get a drink with him sometime, though now that the boys are back, you’ve been prioritizing free time to them. “I’ve been worried lately Buck.”

“About the night terrors?” 

You nod, placing your hand on his chest, “they’ve been getting intense. Steve has been able to shake you out of it but now that he's not here…”

“Don't worry Y/N,” Bucky pulls you into a warm embrace, “I promise, it won't happen tonight.”

You sigh and hug him tightly. The last few nights, Bucky hasn't been sleeping soundly. He would wake up, screaming, shaking, or worse. Since you’re normally the one next to him, when he starts to panic, you try to soothe him but a couple nights ago, he accidentally lashed out at you in his terror. Steve had woken up in time to push Bucky away from you but ever since then, sleeping hasn't been the same. You hoped that sessions with Terrence would help and they have been slowly degressing the intensity of the terrors. Yesterday was the first night where nothing but whimpers came from Bucky so you’re hoping it's the same or better tonight.

“Is it healing..” Bucky pushes aside your hair, revealing where he had dug his thumb slightly into the skin near your neck. It wasn't anything more than a big bruise with a tiny scratch but Bucky was still hitting himself for it. It's barely noticeable now but he was still worried.

“I’m alright, Bucky,” you reach and take his hand, kissing it. “You didn't mean to do it, don't kick yourself for it.”

“They really messed with my head,” Bucky leans against your shoulder, sighing. “I was afraid I wouldn't come back the same.”

You rub his back lovingly, “you’ll always be my Bucky. You couldn't change even if you wanted to.”

“Really?” He smiles against your skin. “You think so?”

You nod, “of course. There's nothing they could've done to you that Steve and I couldn't help you fight. You’re stronger than you think.”

Bucky moves away to look at you with sweet eyes, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you lean up to kiss him. His light stubble grazes against your hand as you deepen the kiss, pulling him down towards you. He wraps his arms around you and holds you close. His hands clutch your shirt protectively and you feel safe in his arms. 

Bucky would never hurt you; he could only hurt himself. 

You awoken to an intense heat filling the room. When you go for the bedside lamp, the light hits Bucky immediately. His skin was red and his veins were popped out. He has his hands gripping his hair tightly. He was biting his lip, trying to stop the screaming. You reach out to touch his skin, feeling the burn. 

It was like he was being lit on fire from the inside out. 

“Buck, Buck, can you hear me?” You say calmly to him, rubbing his back.

There is no response. He is trapped in his own head. You keep calling out to him but he's fighting something inside. You quickly jump off the bed and run for your medical supplies, pulling out a sedative. Making sure you don't fully sedate him, you choose one that you believe will calm him down. Going back into the room, you see that his teeth have already dug into his lip, the blood dripping onto the sheets. 

“It's okay to scream Bucky,” you say to him. He still isn't listening. What was he trying to keep inside?

You reach out to touch him again, slowly so he doesn't lash out. You manage to put your hand on him well enough to steady him and inject him quickly with the sedative. His eyes widen at the sudden injection and he stares straight at you, lunging towards you just as you pull the syringe from his neck. It drops out of your hand, rolling to the corner of the room. 

Bucky has his hands around your throat again, much like a few days prior. You try to push him off but God, was he a lot stronger than you remember? You breathe out his name best you can but it just comes out in puffs. Your hands aren't strong enough to move him off. You can feel the air escape your lungs. In a last ditch effort, you reach up and caress his face. You close your eyes and accept what will happen next. 

His hands release you and you can breathe again. Your body take the opportunity to breathe in as much oxygen as possible, but you must forcefully calm it down. Bucky’s skin color slowly goes back to normal and he backs up towards the wall, shaking as he looks down at his hands. Then, he hits himself. You’re almost not fast enough to stop the second blow, but he pauses right when you grab on, afraid to hurt you.

“I-I hurt you,” he says, whimpering, “I have to..I deserve..”

“No,” you shake your head, holding his hands in yours, “please, don't hurt yourself.”

“I hurt you!” He says, the tears dripping from his eyes. 

“You didn't hurt me,” you push his hands back on your neck. “If you wanted to hurt me, you would've finished me off.”

His hands were shaking rapidly against your neck, afraid of what he can do, “I don't know what's going on. How could I have..”

“Whatever they did to you,” you start to explain, “they’re trying to separate you from yourself. The only problem is, they don't know about us. They don't know about our friendship, our bond, our love. That's what's breaking you free from their prison.”

You kiss him on the forehead, then embrace him. He’s still shaking, like a little kid. But he holds onto you for warmth and reassurance. This time you had to be the one protecting him, from himself. It seems like only you and Steve could break him from this mental prison he was stuck in. 

“I would never hurt you,” he says to you. “You mean everything to me.”

“I know,” you nod. “I know.”


	22. Chapter 22

You and Bucky wake up back in the same room, strapped to the same chairs. Your mind aches, the constant electrocution must've fried parts of your brain. Your head hurt and so did your body. The General walks in, again on your side. He waves to Bucky smugly, which is returned with a tug on Bucky’s restraints. It looks like Bucky’s restraints are more advanced today. 

“Being observant, are we?” The General leads down, holding your hand. You slap his away, “my, my, you're back.”

“I wasn't going anywhere,” you growl.

“Is that so?” The General smiles, “you've been out quite a while.”

“No I haven't,” you say, trying to remember. 

“Beautiful,” he says, clapping. “It's working.”

“What's working?”

He comes down close to your ear and says, “why, the memory loss of course.”

“What are you talking about?” You glare up at him.

“You’ve been strapped in that chairs for weeks now,” he paces around the room. “Don't you remember?”

You think back. It couldn't be true. How could it be true? You only remember the first time. And then, you look up at Bucky. His facial hair has grown out much more than you would've expected for maybe a couple days. At first, you didn't pay much attention to it. But now, it was noticeable. Bucky was breathing heavily, glaring at the General with a hunger to kill. What has been going on?

“What have you done to him?” 

“I'm glad you finally asked!” The General says happily, “you know, the past few weeks have been such a bore with you all limpy. Now that you seem fresh again, I suppose we can have some fun!”

“Answer the question,” you say sternly. 

“Oh, excuse me,” the General waves his hand and the room falls quiet. You couldn't hear Bucky’s breathing or the sound of him tugging his restraints, “I completely forgot to put up the sound barrier. Now, what was it that you asked again?”

You repeat to him, “What have you done to him?” 

“Ah, yes. Our favorite little girl is still more concerned about her love than she is about herself,” the General laughs. “We’ve been testing his strength. He's been doing very well. You, on the other hand, not so well.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” 

“You've been resisting your treatment!” He sighs, shaking his head. “You've only lost short term memory. We needed you at a full loss of memory by now.”

“You’re erasing my memory?” You try to think back to the past few weeks but they’ve really been lost in your mind. Where have you been all this time? Have you been aiding Bucky? Have you been with Bucky at all? You look up worriedly at Bucky. 

“We’re trying,” the General says in an irritated voice. “But you've been a very bad girl. Your memory just sticks! You won't willingly give it up, no matter the pain we put you in. I’m actually a little sad about what we have to do now…”

The General waves his hand and the sound barrier is lifted, along with the glass one as well. You and Bucky are now in the same room. Someone then rolls in a cart into Bucky’s side. You can barely make out the equipment on the cart with the person blocking its view, but it was shiny. That wasn't a good sign.

The General’s hand gestures for the man to move aside and a table filled with knives appears in your view. The woman, now assuming the role of assistant, gives the General one of the knives. 

Loud enough for you to hear, the General says, “this is for not being a good girl.”

You scream as he stabs a knife into Bucky’s left arm, “what are you doing!”

“I’m teaching you a lesson,” he smiles, taking another knife from the table, “there's plenty where this comes from.” 

“Don't…” Your voice weakens, the strength you’ve built up drops, “don't hurt him, please.”

“No, Y/N,” Bucky says, looking up at you, “it's okay.”

Right when he says that, another knife enters his left arm. This time, the General twists it. The blood drips a deep red, flowing down to the ground. You watch in fear and cry out to Bucky.

“I hate it when people pretend to be strong,” he shakes his head. The General looks back at you and screams, “look what you made me do!”

“I didn't make you do anything,” you cry, “stop…please stop hurting him!”

The new knife in the General’s hand was sharp and thin. He sighs, “if only you had listened.”

There were now several stab wounds in Bucky’s left arm, along with three knives. Bucky was fighting back tears of pain and you were shaking in your seat, watching this torture. 

“I’ll do anything you say,” you mutter, “just… Please stop hurting him.”

“No, Y/N…” Bucky says, panting, “don't give in.”

“Hold on a second,” the General says, “I think I’m just about ready to take your offer!”

You lower your head and watch as the General walks over to you. He leans down and whispers in your ear.

“I need you to forget everything. I need you to submit to the treatment.”

Your eyes look straight at Bucky, his eyes piercing into your soul. 

The General’s word intrude your mind, “if you forget everything about you and your life, I’ll stop hurting him.”

“I-I…” You just keep your eyes on Bucky. His eyes beg you not to accept whatever the General was telling you. But all your eyes see is the blood you knew was dripping down the the floor and the pain Bucky was in. 

“I’ll do it,” you say. “Just stop hurting him.”

The General says loudly, “splendid!”

He looks over at his assistant and gestures for her to clean and stitch Bucky up. You are then taken out of your restraints and carried into another room. There was the same metal chair, with the same restraints, just now there was a head piece. This head piece connected to several parts on your scalp. 

“When you wake up,” the General says in a calm and collected voice, “all of your worries will have washed away!”

“Only because I won't remember any of them,” you say back. 

“Exactly,” he smiles, “it's better this way. Trust me.”

“You aren't going to let him go, are you?” 

The General shakes his head, “but I will keep my promise! I won't hurt him.”

There was a strange emphasis on the word ‘I’. 

“I hate people who can't keep their promises.”

That was the last thing  _ you _ ever said. 

The General watches you as you slowly degrade as a person, smiling. 

“What should we do with her once it's done?” One of the men ask him. 

“Start conditioning the soldier,” the General says. “We’ll keep her on ice until we need her.” 

“And you, sir?” 

“Wake me up when the final stage is ready,” he laughs menacingly. “That's where the fun really happens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Memory loss???? Poor you :( poor poor you...


	23. Chapter 23

It was warm. Too warm. You jerk awake and your eyes widen. You back yourself up into a corner but are instantly burned. You jerk your hand back and look at your charred skin. The flames were surrounding you. There was a liquid on the ground that reeked of gasoline because, well, it was gasoline. There's so much smoke. You cover your mouth with your hand and look around for an exit. No exits. Just four metal walls and a surrounding circle of bright red flames filled your vision. 

You don't remember how you got here, wherever here was. You don't remember much. A pain started to travel throughout your brain and it felt like needles stabbing into your head. You clutch your head and pull your body close together, into a fetal position. 

The pain, it hurts. Why couldn't you remember anything? Every time you try to remember, the pain came back. It wasn't a very calm pain either, it came like a lightning storm. Every time your mind wondered to who you were, what your name was, anything about you, it felt like a zap of electricity was frying parts of your brain, preventing you from remembering. 

The smoke was getting into your lungs and you start coughing uncontrollably. Tears started streaming down your face and you cried out. You were too young to die in a fiery pit like this. Were you already dead? Was this the other side? What did you do in your life to deserve this? The pain, it keeps coming back. You don't remember, you just can't. Were you a terrible person? Did you do something horrible that got you sent here?

“Please,” you cough out. “Someone help me.”

No one can hear you. You're alone. Have you always been alone? It felt like such an unfamiliar feeling. You couldn't have been alone your entire life… Right? The pain was hitting you harder and the tears wouldn't stop. The flames were closely approaching you, lightly charring your pants. You pull your body closer together and wiggle more towards the center.

“I don't want to die,” you scream, coughing heavily. “Not like this…”

You use all your energy to scream ‘help!’ at the top of your lungs as many times as you can. Soon, your words become softer and softer. The smoke filled your body and it didn't feel like you were breathing air anymore. There was just too much smoke, too many flames, and too little air. The flames had already caught up to you. You try to pat them away from your clothes but just end up burning yourself. Over and over again, you try and try to stop the flames from burning up your clothes but they persist and your hands just gets more and more burnt. 

You hold your hands tight against your body and use your last remaining breath to say, “goodbye.”

You shut your eyes and let the flames turn you into ash. It was a slow death but you accept it. What else was there to do? You were hopeless. There was no one looking after you and if someone was, you don't remember them. You just can't remember. All you want is to remember again. Your life before the flames, but you just can't. 

A cool feeling washed over you and you jerk yourself up. Water was pouring from the ceiling. The flames were being extinguished and the water + gasoline mixture was washing away in the drainage holes that just popped up. When all the flames disappear, the room lights up. You sit there, shivering from the sudden downpour of water. Or was it shock? It was probably both. Your body was filled with burns and it stung just thinking about them. One of the metal walls slides open and a man enters. He was dressed in black clothing, with a metal arm. He looks directly at you, his eyes piercing. He comes up to you and kneels beside you. His hands go for your throat and you scream. But then before you know it, he has his arms wrapped around you. You were so confused. Who was this man and why was he hugging you? Did he just save you? Your hands were too burnt to push him away and you couldn't speak. 

“Y/N,” the man says. Was that your name? He said your name. He knew you. You had so many questions. But you couldn't do anything but cling onto him, your brain throbbing. His arms held you close. The warmth you felt, it wasn't like the flames that nearly tried to kill you. It was comforting. Had you been held by him before? Now your heart was beating fast, your head was spinning, and you were being held by some man you think you knew. What a way to wake up from… Well you don't really know. Where had you been before this moment? 

The man pulls you away for a second to look at you and his eyes, they know something you don't. “You don't remember me, do you?”

You shake your head and he looks worried. Too worried. He knew something was about to happen. You spoke too soon.

“No!” You scream out as someone send a taser into the man’s back, making him spasm. He was the only link you had to your past. You glance up at the men who just entered the room. You knew them too, but this time your skin grew goosebumps. You knew them but it wasn't like how you knew this man. The man in front of you was good, he was a good part of your life. These men surrounding you and him, they were bad. 

The man lying on the floor manages to get a few words out before getting more electricity sent through his body, “I'm-I’m Bucky.”

Bucky. Why did that name make your heart pound so heavily? You lock eyes with the man one last time before he's dragged out of the room and you knew those eyes. The way they looked at you, you knew and loved those eyes. Bucky… 

“Fuck, she’s remembering,” one of the men behind you say right before you feel a rag get placed over your mouth.

In a haze, you can still hear them speak, “What do we do with her?” 

“We wipe her clean again and send her away,” the voices were getting quieter and quieter. “We’ll need her for the boss.”

Wipe clean? The boss? What were they talking about? God, you were so tired. Your eyes couldn't stay open any longer. 

“She was about to remember him from just being close to him,” one of the men snaps back. “We can't let her dig her memories out.”

You use the last bit of your energy to hear the final words.

“We need her to forget.”


	24. Chapter 24

Your eyes slowly open to a piercing white light. A women in a surgical mask shields your eyes with her hand and helps you up. Your vision is a little hazy but you can make out the nurse in the room. 

“Where-where am I?” You can feel the IV still stuck in your arm, filling your blood with fluids. Your body felt incredibly weak as your head was a little woozy from waking up.

“You’re in the hospital,” the nurse says. 

Your vision starts to clear up and you look over to see hospital equipment...except it's much more advanced than anything you remember. Remember? You think and you’re right, you remember equipment but not who you are.

“How long have I been here?” You wince slowly as you move, feeling a pain in your stomach and head. “What happened to me?”

“You were in an accident, a fairly bad one,” the nurse explains. “You experienced a lot of head trauma. We will be doing a thorough analysis now that you’re awake.”

Your head hurts. It felt like it was fighting something. You clutch your temples and bend over, screaming. The pain wouldn't stop. It felt like you had something stuck inside of you that you just wanted to let out and it only came out in loud screams. No words came out, just screaming. What were you trying to free? 

“Miss! Miss!” The nurse holds you down and you snap back into reality and the pain subsides. What was that? It was like an earthquake of pain shook your body to pieces and now you were somehow okay. 

You put your hand up to get the nurse to stop touching you, “I'm fine. I want to go home...wherever the hell that is.” 

“We have to run some tests,” the nurse states again.

“Then run them,” you glare at her. “I don't want to lay here for another second. If I get one of those scream attacks again, I-”

“I understand miss,” the nurse begins removing your IV. “I’ll prep the psychiatrist.”

“Thank you,” you lean back and feel where you had a needle sitting inside of you. As the nurse leaves, you look around. It feels odd, being here. It was a hospital but it didn't feel like one...

Why were you so skeptical? It was hard not to be…when your mind is practically an empty slate with something begging to be freed, so much so that it caused you to scream involuntarily. What was hidden away in your head that couldn't get out? 

“Let me help you up miss,” the nurse says when she comes back, offering her shoulder to you. 

You nod and let her help you into a wheelchair. The nurse then escorts you away. Your session with the psychiatrist revealed that you still retain basic knowledge, like what a psychiatrist is and how to use utensils. Your memories with people, however, are lacking. You can't remember any significant details about your life or about the people in it. You also had no recollection of time. You didn't know what year it was or anything about current events. The war was over? It was like your brain decided that the things that molded you into who you were and where you were from weren't important anymore. You were practically a robot, waiting to be programmed. 

“We need to keep her here for additional assessment,” your psychiatrist says to the nurse after the session. 

“Understood,” the nurse helps you back into wheelchair.

The nurse wheels you out and she hands you a change of clothes. She escorts you to your hospital room and leaves you to change. You finish changing and walk over to the window. Opening the curtains, you look outside.

Oh shit. The world, it looked so strange. The buildings were so high up and made of…metal? You stare out the window and see all these sights. Where the hell were you? Your head started to hurt again. It was trying to process everything. Why was everything so unfamiliar? It's understandable if you don't remember some places, but how could you not remember any at all? 

“Are you alright ma’am?” The nurse comes back in and sees you holding the edge of the window.

“I’ll be alright,” you respond. “Do you happen to know my name?”

The nurse shakes her head, “you’re a Jane Doe. From the police report, you were running from something and ran right into an open road. The car barely grazed you, but you hit your head hard enough to suffer memory loss.”

You scratch your head, which still ached from the collision, “do you think I’m…from here? Wherever here is?”

“You’re in Seattle, Washington,” the nurse says. “Does that ring any bells?”

You shake your head, “I don't feel like… I’m from ‘Seattle’. I don't think I’ve ever even said Seattle in my life.”

“Then I’m sorry,” the nurse lowers her head, “but given your memory loss and your lack of identification, I don't know how to help you. The psychiatrist will be with you again tomorrow.”

“Did I have anything on me at all?” You walk over to her slowly.

“Indeed!” She says, walking to the drawer by the bed. “You just had these in your hand.”

She placed two things in your hand, a silver ring with a diamond in the middle and a dog tag with an octopus symbol on it. You hold them in your hand and it felt strange. You let the octopus tag dangle from your hand.

“That's a strange piece,” the nurse comments, watching you stare at it. “The EMT said you were gripping it so hard, even after the collision.”

You look down at your hands and there was a light indentation where you must have been holding it. Why were you carrying such a strange thing so tightly? You move your attention to the ring. The ring was familiar and you put it on your right ring finger. It was a little snug so you switch it to your left ring finger, where it fit perfectly. 

“Are you married?” The nurse asks you.

You look up at her and sit down, looking at the ring on your finger, “I-I don't think so? I feel like I would remember…”

“Well you should get some rest. Perhaps you’ll remember something in your slumber,” the nurse nods and walks out. “Good night, Jane Doe.”

“Good night,” and with that, the door shuts. You climb into the bed and close your eyes, trying to remember your life. It was literally a black void in your mind. You remember certain things, like how to eat, how to talk, etc. But you don't remember specifics. You open your eyes to look at the ring on your finger. Were you married? If you were…wouldn’t you remember? 

You sigh, wrapping yourself in the sheets. Maybe sleep will help. Why does it feel like you’ve been asleep for like seventy years though? You shrug and close your eyes, drifting off into sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

You wake up to two gentle kisses, both hitting your cheeks at the same time. You feel two arms, from two different people, hold your body close. This warmth, it was so nice. It was an inviting warmth that made you want to lay back and enjoy it for as long as you could. You were facing a man with very light stumble and pitch black hair. The way he smiled at you made you want to smile back at him, which was what you were actually doing. 

“Did you sleep well Y/N?” The voice behind you calls. You turn over to face that voice and see another man, whose eyes are a bright blue with a hint of green. His face was gentle and God did you want to kiss it. What is this? Who are these guys? 

“Come on Steve,” the man with the pitch black hair says. “You know she slept well, just look at that fresh face.”

The man with the beautiful eyes, Steve, moves his hand up to caress your face, “yeah, there’s a beauty in our bed, Bucky. You look good in the morning, Y/N.”

“Good?” The other man, Bucky, snaps, pulling you to face him. “She looks gorgeous, you mean.”

You can feel a blush creep to your face. Oh my god, these guys complimenting you was enough to send your heart blasting and your cheeks boiling. Your hands go up to your face to hide your redness. Why were you embarrassed all of a sudden? 

“Aw, now I think we’ve scared her a little bit,” Bucky takes your hands away from your face and into his hands, intertwining them perfectly. You could hold his hands forever. He presses soft kisses on your knuckles, “are you alright?”

You try to speak but the only word that comes out is, “y-yeah.”

Your breathing was really fast and heavy. It felt you were running a marathon but you just woke up! You look over at Steve, whose eyes immediately lock onto yours. His hands come back up to caress your face, holding it softly in his hands. You feel yourself melting into Steve’s touch as Bucky massages your hands. 

“Can I kiss you?” Steve says, his voice so innocent. His cheeks were probably as red as yours were and that made you giggle a little. Was this Steve guy always this shy?

“Yes,” the words literally fell out of your mouth. What the hell. Your body really needs to stop-oh. His lips landed onto yours and the butterflies in your stomach went wild. The way he kissed you made your heart flutter and your lips loved his. He kissed you with so much love that you felt like it was made out of love. He held your face so gently as he parts from you, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“I always love kissing you,” Steve says, his breath tingling your lips. “I wish I could kiss you forever.”

“Woah there buddy,” Bucky jumps in. “You gotta save some for me.”

Bucky pulls you up with the help of your hands and you both sit up, Steve following shortly behind. Bucky moves you to face him as you feel Steve’s hands sneak their way under your shirt. Damn, no bra? Now that you think about it, your shirt might also be one of their shirts. Bucky’s lips are very different than Steve’s. Steve’s lips were soft and loving, making you feel like a princess. The more you kissed Steve, the more you felt cherished like a goddess. Bucky’s lips were demanding and passionate, making you hot and heavy. The more you kissed Bucky, the more you wanted to be touched. And it seemed like these two had already figured this out because as Bucky deepens the kiss, Steve’s hands set your skin on fire with every touch. 

You can't help but moan into Bucky’s lips as Steve squeezes your breasts. Bucky lets your lips go for a split second to help Steve lift your shirt off your body and continues to kiss you, now your skin was exposed to the cold morning air. Steve picks you up slightly to help you straddle his lap so he was in front of you. You could feel his bulge growing under you and you couldn’t resist grinding against him. The friction was just what you needed. Thank god these guys only sleep in a shirt and their underwear, much like yourself. 

“Looks like someone’s getting impatient,” Steve says, kissing your neck. 

You pull your lips off of Bucky, who’s slightly disappointed at the sudden end of your make out session, “well whose fault is that?”

Your lips were plump from kissing Bucky, which made you think you haven't kissed him in years or something. Wait, have you kissed him before? Steve starts to grind against you as Bucky’s hands start exploring your body and you can barely think about anything but what you were feeling right now. 

Steve leans towards your ear and whispers, “what I wouldn't give to take you right now?”

You bite your lip as Bucky pinches your nipple, sending sparks through your body. Steve lifts you off of him and then sends a quick glance over to Bucky, who somehow understand what he's thinking with just a look. You’re then slid down the bed, towards the edge, with only your legs hanging off. With a swift tug, your underwear is gone. Steve gets in between your legs, spreading them apart. Your cheeks start to boil at the image before you. An incredibly attractive man, who just happened to take his shirt off, is in between your legs. No one can save you now. 

Steve kisses a trail from your thighs to just before your core, then goes to the other thigh and does the same, stopping before getting anywhere you want him to be. You wiggle a little in protest but that gets your body held down by Bucky’s hand. 

“Now, now, Y/N,” Bucky smirks, “you need to let the man do his work.”

Steve’s mouth was in dangerous territory and you wanted nothing more than for him to just take it. His tongue licks a trail up your center, getting a whimper out of you. He only touched your clit for a split second and it was enough for you to make noise already. Steve throws your legs over his shoulders and starts sucking at your clit and you almost lose it at the sudden change of pace. You were moaning and heaving, gripping the bedsheets like a maniac. 

You open your eyes to see Bucky, holding his cock and slowly stroking it, looking right at you. You want to bring your hands up to hide your face from his sensual stare but you know you can't let go of the bed with Steve’s mouth doing its thing. So you stay, your eyes locked on Bucky’s as Steve is sending you to places you've never been before. The feeling building up inside of you was all too familiar. You've felt this before, you've felt them before. The feeling of their hands on your body, their lips on your skin, it was all too familiar for this to be just a dream. 

Wait. This is a dream.  _ Shit. _

You jerk yourself awake and pat your forehead. You were sweating in your sleep and your skin was burning. You were having a hot flash, no wonder you had such a-kind of dream. You pull your covers off and throw them onto the floor in a fit of rage.

You grab your hair and start to think, “okay, Steve, Bucky, okay, their hands, their touch, too familiar, can't be just a dream, I must know them. I must know them?!”

Getting out of bed, you walk into what you think is your bathroom. You're thankfully right and you peel off your sweat soaked clothes and hop into the shower. There, you think some more.

“How do I know them?” Your head started to hurt but the cool running water helped keep you at bay. “They must be old friends...though friends don't touch their friends that way. Were they old lovers of mine?”

Your heart was beating just thinking about them. It was your body knew them but your mind didn't. Your body remembered them for you. They must've been significant lovers of yours if your body was getting aroused from just thinking about your dream. You turn the water temperature down a little so you can try to cool off and think about anything else but the way it felt when they touched you. You can't remember them, but you remember their touch. The accident couldn't erase that. 

“Steve, Bucky, lovers of mine,” you repeat that phrase to yourself, trying not to forget their names. Maybe this information would be useful to figuring out who you truly were and you weren't sure how but you didn't feel like you were “of this era” like technology is too new and so are the buildings.

You get out of the shower after scrubbing yourself nice and clean. Throwing on a hospital gown, you walk out and look around, trying to find something that would help you with your questions. You see a phone on the counter and go to pick it up, but then you hear a sound. 

It wasn't a sound. It was a gunshot. Several of them, coming down the hallway. 

“She's here somewhere,” you hear a voice echo down the hallway. You glimpse men in all black, holding guns up. 

You do a hard swallow and back up against the wall. Who are they? Why are they here? You take the phone and think of a number to call when you see a note saying “in case of an emergency, call 9-1-1.” You punch in the number.

“Hello, 9-1-1 operator, what is your emergency?”

You mumble slightly and then whisper, “there's armed men in this hospital, please send help, I think they’ve killed people already.”

“We’re dispatching people to your location now, please remain calm and-”

You hang up the phone once you hear them opening doors. You turn towards the window and sneak towards it. It was a two story drop. You stretch your arms and hear the men checking next door. 

Opening the window, you scale the edge. Taking a deep breath, you drop down the the next floor, managing to catch the window ledge below. Your hands were weak but you take another deep breath and drop straight to the ground, doing a roll to help the impact. It was still dark outside and you sneak out of the hospital and into the night. The men run to the window and see you. They begin to shoot at you as you sprint.

There were shinier, newer cars all around. You look up at the signs; it's a parking lot. Damn, how did these people afford to have so many cars? You shake the thought and continue your sprint, occasionally hiding and looking around. You see the same group of men in the distance, on your tail. You would never get away from them by foot. Why were they chasing you? You feel for the dog tag that you were wearing and looked at the symbol. It matched the logo they had on their uniforms. Were they part of some secret organization? Your head began to hurt again and you shake off the thoughts, focusing back on how the hell to get out of there. 

Then the police cars came. They surrounded the area and the men fled. A police officer finds you and you raise your hands up.

“I-I’m the one who called,” you say, shaking. “Please help me, those men were after me.”

“I found a survivor!” The police officer yells back to his crew and helps you up. “What's your name miss?”

You think back to your dream and say, “I think it's Y/N.”

“Well then, Ms. Y/N, we’ll need to get a statement from you and then we’ll send you to a safe location, does that sound alright?” 

You nod and get into the police car. As they drive you away, you look back at the hospital in the middle of nowhere. What a strange place to have ended up.


	26. Chapter 26

When you're at the station, you fill out a series of paperwork and then sit besides a man, who is using some slim metal box and pressing squares after you answer questions.

“Excuse me,” you ask politely, “but what is this?”

You point to the box and board and the police officer goes, “this is a computer. Have you seen one before?”

You shake your head, “I think I saw something like it at the hospital but… I don't think it was the same.”

“Why were you in the hospital miss?” 

As you start talking, he begins typing, “I apparently got into an accident and was driven to that hospital. The doctors say I don't have much memory at all, which does explain why I don't know what this is or what you’re doing right now on it.”

“This is a computer,” he turns the screen towards you, “I’m writing a report. This is a keyboard with letters so I can type instead of handwriting.”

“Oh, I see,” you touch the screen, “it's very convenient.”

The police officer smiles and nods, “do you think you’ve ever used one before? Have you been on the Internet?”

You shake your head again, “what's the internet?”

“It's-well,” the police officer thinks of a way to explain, “it’s this place with a bunch of information on it, that's simple terms.”

“So…” You scratch your head, trying to understand the concept, “if I wanted to know something, would it be on the Internet?”

“I suppose it might be, yes.”

“Then can I check something?” You ask politely. 

“Give it a whirl,” the police officer hands you the keyboard and clicks on something called ‘Google’ and it pops up a ‘search box’. “If you need any help, say something. You’ve done a lot for us today.”

“I'm glad to help, I wish I knew more about those men who were after me.”

“They’re thugs from the edge of town,” the police officer explains, “been causing us trouble as of late. Any information on them is helpful.”

You smile, feeling good that you could help out. You turn back to the screen and think about what to ‘search’. Maybe they will have something on you. You type your name, or what you assume is your name, into the box and the top listing says “Y/N Head Nurse WWII”. 

“What is this?” You point to the list.

“Oh that's what other people have searched for,” he looks at the screen. “You’re googling your name?”

You nod nervously, “I don't remember anything about myself, so I thought this would help.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” he laughs.

You enter the first listing and the first headline appears.

It is titled “The Unsolved Mystery of Y/N.” You press you finger against the glass but it won't go to the headline.

“Here,” the police officer hands you a strange device, “this is a mouse. You use it to click on stuff.”

You bite your lip and take the mouse, feeling embarrassed. Why was this so hard for you! Everything felt so new, so strange… You finally click on the headline and are sent somewhere else. It was a newspaper article about a woman with the same name as you. Apparently she was a nurse in WWII, who served US soldiers in the front lines. She was pretty damn good at her job because she received high honors for the work she had done. Though, according to this article, she never arrived to receive her awards. 

“After the tragic loss of her two best friends Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes,” you start to read quietly to yourself. “Y/N had disappeared, not showing up to her work and not residing in her apartment anymore. Her disappearance has been a source of many conspiracies throughout the years and officials still reopen the case to this day.” 

Steve Rogers? James Buchanan Barnes? Her best friends? You think back to your dream… Where the two men were named Steve and Bucky. Maybe it was coincidental. But if it wasn't… Why were dead men in your dreams? Also, according to this article, you were born a century ago. That couldn't be possible, right?

You keep scrolling through the article and stop at a photo that was displayed on the newspaper. It was titled “Y/N with Steve and Bucky.” In the photo, you were sitting at a table, laughing. The men from your dreams, Steve and Bucky, were also in the photo. Bucky was holding a beer with his hand covering his laughing face. Steve had his arm around you and he looks at you with a large smile on his face, his nose snuggling up against your neck. 

“‘I had never seen a happier group of people,’ said Ms. Peggy Carter, a friend of theirs,” you read. “‘This photo did their friendship justice. I just wished I could see them all together once again.’”

Peggy Carter, an old friend? You finished the article and your head starts to hurt again. What was the truth and what was real? You couldn't be a hundred years old but there you were, clear as day, in this photograph. It couldn't be a look-alike either because it looked too much like you. 

You see a blue highlight when you hover the weird arrow thing over ‘Peggy Carter’ so you click on it. It sends you to something called ‘Wikipedia’. If Steve and Bucky were already dead, there was hope that maybe this Peggy woman might still be alive. Maybe you're somehow related to this other Y/N and aren't actually her.

“Wikipedia? So it's an encyclopedia, but available on this device?” You think to yourself. You scroll down and see Peggy’s birthday, but no mentions of her death. You keep scrolling and click on the line marked “Personal Life.” It says that Peggy Carter resides in her home in Washington D.C and that she suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. 

Your heart drops for the second time today. What a tragic fate for an outstanding woman so close to the end of her life. You wanted to go see her and ask her all the questions that were on your mind but you knew that would only make things more difficult for her. You decide to search up Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes.

“Captain America Exhibit in Smithsonian: A Tribute to Friendship” is the first article that pops up. When you click on it, you realize that everything that could possibly answer your questions was in Washington D.C. Somehow, you needed to get there. 

“I think I know where I’m from,” you say to the police officer. 

“Really?” He says, looking at the screen. You had just googled Washington D.C and he chuckles. “So you’re from all the way across the country? Now how did you end up here…”

“I don't know, but I think it would be best if I got there,” you point to the screen. “It's far and it's away from those men.”

“I suppose that would be smart,” the police officer takes back the monitor, typing something. You hear a strange sound and the police officer hands you a piece of paper. “Here's your plane ticket. We’ll find you some clothes and send you on your way. Do you think you know where to go when you get there?”

“I think so…” You recall the exhibit in the Smithsonian. 

“Alright then, let's get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to do research on what was invented when to get the upmost accuracy for this chapter. Wasn't it fun! It's comical to think how someone would react being just thrown into the 21st century.


	27. Chapter 27

“So you click on this button to use the phone,” a small child who is sitting next to you on the flight. 

The kind police officer you had met gave you his old iPhone, saying he was going to trade up anyways and also got you a SIM card. He was a kind man, you wish all people were so kind. You spent the duration of the time waiting for the flight trying to figure it out. When you got onto the plane, you were asked to be a little boy’s guardian on the flight, which you accepted. And boy, did this kid know his tech!

The boy points to the square boxes on the screen, “And these are called apps.”

“What are apps?” You say, looking at him weirdly.

“Apps are like...um…smaller versions of things you can find on the web,” he explains.

“The web?” What were all these words, they were so strange. 

“You know, the Internet? It's what is powering your phone,” he points at the top of the phone. “See, we’re on an airplane right now so there's no internet, you would see it right here if you had some.”

“Oh yes, the Internet! I know what that is!” Wow do you feel old, maybe because you might be a hundred years old. Though, you’re still skeptical about who the real you actually is. 

“Most apps need Internet, like Google and Facebook,” he clicks on Google. “Here, you can type in anything and it’ll search the web for it.”

“Ah, cool! It's a pocket sized...computer!,” you say, a little excited. You accidentally press hard on the home button and a female voice pops up and you yelp slightly.

The kid laughs, “that's Siri. She's really useful. Using Google means you don't have to talk to her, you can just type stuff in.”

“That's also useful,” you click the button on the device again. “So I use this button to get to Siri and the home page of the phone.”

“Yep.” The kid whispers to me as the flight attendant comes by with the cart of drinks, “can you ask her for some apple juice for me?”

“Of course,” you smile. “Two apple juices please.”

The flight attendant hands you two glasses of apple juice, one of which you hand to the kid next to you. The man in the corner, who is also a flight ‘guardian’ for the kid, asks for a cup of water. You don't really know what that means, it must just be like ‘help this kid get where he needs to go’. Though it feels like he's helping you.

“So where are you going in Washington D.C?” You sip on your apple juice. 

“I’m staying at my grandma’s for the week,” the child smiles. “What are you doing?”

“Going to the Smithsonian,” you say. “I might also be visiting an old friend of mine, but I'm unsure if I should.”

“What do you mean? If they're your friend, they should want to see you!” He exclaims.

You giggle slightly, damn this kid was adorable, “maybe I will then. She might be happy to see me.”

“I wish I could go to the Smithsonian with you,” the kid’s face saddens. “I really like the Captain America exhibit. My family goes there every time we’re in D.C but this time my mommy and daddy are busy.”

“Is it a good exhibit?” 

“Yeah! It's really nice and it talks about all his friends,” his voice gets really excited. 

You whisper to him, “you know, I might know him.”

“Really?” He whispers back.

You nod, “that's what I'm here to find out.”

“Well if you are friends with him, and I'm friends with you, does that mean I'm also friends with him too?” 

This kid was adorable! “I think so. If I ever see him again, I’ll tell him about you. Maybe you guys can meet.”

The kid quickly takes your phone and punches in something, “here's my phone number, if you do see him again, tell him Charlie says hi.”

“Will do Charlie, will do.”

The plane was about to land and Charlie’s little hand holds onto yours as the plane hits the runway. Once the plane is in taxi, he lets go to grab onto his backpack and looks around for any other things he may have left. You do the same and as people exit the flight, he takes hold of your hand again.

The flight attendant pushes through the crowd and says to you, “will you be escorting him to his family?”

You look down at Charlie who is nodding yes so you also nod yes. She asks the same question to the man but he replies that he needs to leave ASAP. The man rushes out, on his phone. You just stare at him. He felt oddly familiar, but you shake it off. The flight attendant escorts you, Charlie and the man out of the flight first and you walk with Charlie to the exit.

“Auntie Sharon!” Charlie lets go of your hand and runs up to a blonde woman, holding a white paper bag. “Is that for me?”

“Yep, little nugget,” Sharon ruffles his hair and hands him the bag. “One sugar donut from your favorite donut shop.”

“You’re the best!” He takes the bag and gives her a big hug. He then grabs her by the hand and drags her towards you, “Meet my new friend.”

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you put your hand out and Sharon shakes it.

“I’m Sharon, Charlie’s aunt, it’s nice to meet you,” she’s looking at you kind of strangely but you shrug it off.

“I was helping her with her new phone,” he tells Sharon. With a whisper, he says, “She’s not very good at technology.”

You blush slightly, “I haven’t had a phone...in a while.”

“That’s okay! It was really fun talking to you with it, Ms. Y/N, I love technology,” Charlie’s eyes light up and you can tell he loves helping people.

“What are you doing right now, Y/N?” Sharon asks.

You look down at your watch, “The Smithsonian is open right now so I think I’ll head over there.”

“Can we go with her, Auntie Sharon, pleaseeeee,” Charlie tugs at her arm, making you giggle a little. 

“Hmm, we don’t really have any plans until later in the day, so if you want to, we can,” Sharon kneels down in front of Charlie, who put his little arms around her, hugging her tightly. Sharon looks up to you and says, “We can give you a ride, unless you want to head to where you’re staying first?”

“I would love a ride there,” you happily say. “Thank you for the hospitality.”

Sharon takes Charlie’s hand and gestures for you to follow them. 


	28. Chapter 28

“Hurry Y/N!” Charlie tugs your shirt as he maneuvers you and Sharon through the crowd to the Captain America exhibit. “We’re here!”

You, Sharon and Charlie stand in front of six figures, titled the Howling Commandos. In the middle was Captain America, the superhero alias of Steve Rogers. Next to him was none other than James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. As you stand before the life size figures, your heart starts beating fast and your head starts to hurt. A voice cuts you away from your pain.

“Y/N, come here!” Charlie calls for you and you walk away from the figures, towards the next exhibit. He points up to the next life-sized figure, “Doesn’t this look like you?”

The exhibit was new and it was titled “Nursing During the War”. You lean up towards the figure and you swear, it’s you. It’s you in a head nursing uniform, sitting in what looks like your office. 

“She has the same name as you too, maybe you’re related?” Charlie says as he reads off the plaque. “‘Y/N was one of the best nurses from the front lines, treating our soldiers until the final days of the war. To this day, there is still no trace of what happened to her after the war.’ It says she disappeared, is that true?”

You don’t really know what to say, “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Sharon walks up behind you and says, “there’s an uncanny resemblance. Perhaps you are related?”

“Maybe,” you turn to Sharon and pull her to the side, away from Charlie. “I was in an accident a while ago, though I don’t know if that’s true anymore. I don’t have an recollection of my life.”

“What are you here to do then?” Sharon asks. 

“I’m looking for someone… I might have known her-”

“Come with me,” Sharon says and then calls out to Charlie, “we’re going to see Grandma!”

Charlie runs up to you and Sharon, “this is one of my favorite parts, come on!”

He takes your hand and drags you to the next room, where a statue of Peggy Carter stands. 

“Grandma was really pretty back then,” he smiles. “That's my grandma!”

You look over at Sharon and she nods, “that's my aunt. I had a feeling you looked familiar.”

“Yeah,” is all you can say before gunshots were fired. 

You hold Charlie tight against you as you all drop to the floor. A man with a mask and long black hair walks into the room, gun in hand. Sharon’s eyes widen and she pulls out her gun, tossing her phone to you.

“Get Charlie to the address in that phone,” she says, “I’ll cover you.”

Before you could reply, Sharon was already shooting the masked man and you took Charlie and sprinted out of there. You had a gut feeling the man was there for you. Could people just stop chasing you for one second! As you run out of there, you notice his metal arm and the red star on his shoulder. Could he be related to the octopus people? When you get outside, you quickly hail a cab, which for some reason you knew how to do excellently. The cab driver drives away before the masked man can even see the car. 

The address Sharon gave you was for a large mansion in Washington D.C. You cradle Charlie against you, who is scared to death. The driver pulls up the the house.

“That wasn't like the movies… That was real!”

You nod, rubbing his back, “it's going to be okay.”

“Is Auntie Sharon going to be okay?”

“Yes,” you smile, “she’s strong. I know strong women.”

A butler opens the door for you and Charlie and you both get out of the cab. Charlie runs up to an older man, presumably his grandpa. He looks clearly at you, grinning. You walk up to him.

“I’m-”

“I know Y/N,” he puts his hand out. “Terrence. Sharon briefed me about you. She's alright. I’m glad you're alive.”

“I really don't know what that means right now,” you scratch the back of your neck. 

“Come in,” Terrence walks through the front door. Your eyes follow Charlie as he runs upstairs, “he's going to see Peggy.”

“So I knew you?”

Terrence nods, “once upon a time, yes.”

You take a deep breath, “so Y/N is me.”

“Yes, and you’ve been gone for quite some time,” Terrence sits down and coughs lightly. 

You sit down in a chair nearby and listen, pouring the tea out for him. 

He picks up the tea and chuckles before drinking it, “I knew you weren’t dead.”

“Did people think I died?” 

“When they heard you disappeared after finding the notice about Steve and Bucky, everyone thought you died too.” 

“What did you think?” You pour yourself a cup of tea and drink it. Terrence watches you, amused slightly. 

“I had a feeling something happened to you, but no one would believe me,” he puts down his tea. “They said my ideas were convoluted and didn't make any sense.”

“Trust me,” you laugh, “any idea would make sense today.”

Terrence laughs too, “I suppose that's right, isn't it? You’ve been through hell and back.”

Something ignites in your brain. You remember something like hell, a fire burning around you. But you don't recall anything else. What a strange illusion.

“I just want some truth,” you sigh. “Who am I?”

Terrence sets down his tea and hold his hands. He begins slowly, “you're Y/N, one of the best nurses we’ve ever had. You were also my best friend. Coincidentally, you had two best friends already but I slid my way in there. You're the one who convinced me to go after my lovely wife. You were engaged to your two best friends, Steve Rogers and James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. You had your honeymoon up in our late friend Jones’s cabin. A week later, you disappeared never to be seen again...until now.”

You look down at the ring and show it to Terrence, “is this…”

“Yes, that's the ring,” he holds your hand, observing it. “You still wear it wonderfully.”

He gives you back your hand and you grip your head, trying to process it all, “this can't be true, how could I have been in love with two people, let alone my best friends!”

“It's true,” Terrence smiles, picking up his tea again, “you loved them very much and they loved you.”

“And now they're…” You grip your ring, twirling it nervously, unable to say the next phrase. 

Terrence puts down his cup and says, “well actually, you might be surprised.”

You look up at him, “what do you mean?”

“There's someone you need to meet,” Terrence gets up, “and it's not Peggy.”

You stand up as well and Terrence goes to call the driver, whispering something into his ear. The driver nods and walks away. Terrence turns back to you and smiles.

“Let's get you some clothing, you’re going to stay in a safer place than this,” Terrence escorts you out. 

“Will I ever be able to see Peggy?” You say humbly. 

“Once you regain your memory, probably,” he pats your back. “Can't have two people with memory loss trying to figure things out.”

“I suppose that would be confusing,” you say before you get into the car. Terrence goes to close the door but you stop him, “thank you, for everything. Tell Charlie I said goodbye and tell Sharon that I owe her my life.”

“Will do,” Terrence smiles, “I've missed you.”

“And I hope I will have a chance to have missed you too,” you say back as the door shuts.

Terrence… He feels familiar. Friendly, easy to talk to, gentle, all the traits of a best friend. If only you could remember him!

You sigh and look out the window. You stare in awe at all the sights you pass. You’ve never been to Washington D.C, who knew the capital was so crowded and filled with protests! People were talking about all sorts of issues, what a place to be. 


	29. Chapter 29

You're stopped in front of an apartment building and the driver gets out to open your door. You get out and he hands you a key. Accepting it, he bows and leaves you at the steps. 

You stop him though, “wait, which apartment is it?”

“Number 5,” the driver says, “and do knock first.”

You nod and wave goodbye to him. Opening the lobby door, you see that the first floor only has one unit. You walk up the stairs until you see apartment #5. Taking a deep breath, you go to knock, but then stop yourself. What was this place? Who were you visiting? Terrence just said that you had to meet this person first and that you’d be surprised. That made absolutely no sense given that the amount of people you know is almost zero. 

You build up the courage inside of you and knock lightly on the door. 

“Who is it?” A voice calls out, seeming busy.

You don't answer for a bit, trying to cultivate a response. 

“Maybe it was just the wind,” is what he says, loud enough for you to make out from the door. 

“It's-it's Y/N,” you say nervously. You hear him stop in his tracks, then his footsteps approaching slowly. You step back from the door and hear the locks turn. The door swings open and your eyes widen. It's him. It's Steve, the beautiful eyed man from your dream. The one who…the blush creeps up to your face. He didn't look a day older than your dream. Did he go through the same thing you did? Was he also almost a hundred years old? 

You play with your hands anxiously as you say, “Terrence said I’d be safe here. I don't really have any place to go so…”

“Is it you?” He walks up to your slowly, his hand reaching out for you. 

You step back slightly, avoiding his hand, “yes, but I’m terribly sorry... I don't really know who you are.”

“What?” His voice drops, his eyes saddening, “what do you mean?”

“I was in an accident, though I don't think it was much of an accident anymore…” You begin to explain in the hallway but stop yourself, looking around. “Would you mind discussing this inside?”

“Oh,” he says, then nods, “of course, yes, come in, Y/N.”

As you pass him, you can feel his hands reach out to touch your arms, as if trying to grip the situation at hand. But he stops himself, knowing you wouldn't consent. You step into his apartment and he shuts the door. Sitting on his couch, you continue.

“I woke up in a hospital bed, unable to remember anything until I had a dream about you and Bucky,” the blush deepens and you go to cover your face. “You both had said my name so I assumed that was my name. That's how I got here, just trying to find out who I am, or was, or… I don't know.”

You rest your head in your hands. You were such a mess. Where in the world are you? You're at the apartment of a man whom you had quite a dream about. 

“Do you know who I am?” You look at Steve, who is rather speechless. 

He sits down besides you, keeping an ample amount of space, “I do. I really do.” 

“I’m sorry,” you turn to him. “I truly am. Terrence had told me about…”

You point to the ring on Steve’s left hand and he replies, “oh, this? Yeah…yeah.”

He lets out a breath and holds his temples, trying to say something but unable to. There are tears forming in his eyes.

“Sorry, I didn't realize how hard that was going to be,” Steve says, looking away. “Give me a moment.”

He gets up and excuses himself into the other room. You go to hold your heart, which ached suddenly. You realized you just showed up at the doorstep of a man who thought you, the love of his life, was dead for the past how many years. And now, somehow, by some twisted stroke of luck, you were back. And yet you show up, not knowing anything about him or his love for you. You were the only one who could possibly understand where he came from and yet you don't remember any of it. 

When Steve does come back out, you stand up and walk to him. Before you can let out a word, he says, “I’m alright, Y/N. Don't look at me with those worried eyes.”

“Did I worry about you a lot?” You ask politely.

Steve chuckles, “more than you know.”

“I don't know much,” you say with a nervous laugh. You bite your lip, trying to figure out what else to say. You look up at Steve and he’s staring at you, watching your mannerisms. You don't know why but his eyes on you make your cheeks heat up and your body as well. 

“Sorry,” he looks away, “I’m staring too intensely, aren't I?”

You flail your arms at him, “no, no, no! Trust me, I would stare at me too, given the circumstances…”

“You just…you haven't changed a bit,” he walks up closer to you, making your heart pound. “You’re as beautiful as ever.”

You go to bite your lip again then say, “you're not too bad yourself.”

Steve laughs at that comment and you giggle too. He only leaves a bit of space between you two and holds your cheek in his hand.

“What I wouldn't give to kiss you one more time…” The words trail off his lips with such need but he stops himself, “but I won't. Not today, not until you want me to.”

You nod into his hand and it lets you go after lingering there for a moment, “thank you for respecting me.”

“Always,” he says, brushing the hair out of your face, taking another look at you before walking into the kitchen. “Anyways, would you like something to drink?”

You turn to him and smile, “some water would be nice.”

He pours you a glass of water and sets it on the counter. You take a sip, incredibly parched for some reason. Once you set down the glass, he speaks again.

“Do you have any questions for me?” Steve asks gently, “I’m happy to help, since I know you pretty well.”

“That would be wonderful.”

You and Steve spend the next few hours just talking. He tells you about your childhood, your parents, your schooling, everything. Steve does choose to leave out any mention of your love life, however. It was a sensitive topic for him, you understood. 

“Actually the reason me, you and Bucky were such good friends was because we snuck into your house to see you one night and your parents caught us!”

You giggle, “how crazy of you guys!”

You lightly shove Steve, who laughs with you, “you better believe it! We had to clean up your house for a month, but it did get us closer and your parents loved our thorough job.”

“We sound like one hell of a trio,” you take a sip of your water. You grip the glass slightly harder then set it down. You turn to Steve and say, “can you tell me about...about us?”

“You and me?” Steve says, trying to clarify what you mean. “Well we were best friends, we wrote each other all the time, especially when you moved away for college and-”

“No, Steve,” you put your hand lightly on his, “I mean, us. Were we…”

“In love?” Steve says, biting his lip, “yes, yes we were.”

“Was I also in love with Bucky?”

Steve nods in response, “you were in love with him, he was in love with you. You were in love with me, and I… I’m still in love with you.”

He looks over at you with such loving eyes. You can tell he's trying to bite back the tears forming in his eyes. You reach up to caress his face.

“You don't have to be strong in front of me Steve,” your voice is soft and as loving as you can make it. 

Steve takes a couple deep breaths, clutching your arm with his hand, “I’m just… It's so hard. You're here, y’know, right in front of me. You're alive. And yet…you don't remember me when I..remember everything about you. It only hit me a few moments ago, but what if you never remember me?”

His eyes look up at you, so small and weak and you feel like you remember those eyes. As if they belonged not to him, but at the same time to him. As if he was once another person and then he had grown up, but still keeping the same, soft eyes. 

“If I didn't remember you,” you say to him, “I wouldn't be here. I’m trying to remember you, that's what matters. I want to…”

You wipe the tears falling from his eyes as you think about what you want to say. It was all so difficult, dealing with your own emotions and his as well. Your memory loss did not only affect you, but your loved ones as well. All you wanted to do was to remember him again.

“I want to remember you,” you kiss him on the forehead. You lean your forehead against his, “I want to.”

Steve’s hand goes up to touch his forehead and his tears subside, “you used to do that all the time.”

“I suppose you never lose your habits,” you move away, smiling. “I should be getting to bed, it's been a long day.”

“Oh, yes,” Steve looks outside, wiping his face, “it's already dark. Um, let me show you to your room.”

Steve gets up and you follow him into the other room. You can see him nervously clenching and unclenching his fist. Did you and him normally sleep together? Probably, you were in love after all...though ‘were’ is such a strong word. Could you be in love with him again? You glance over at him at the door, smiling at you with his gentle face.

“If you need anything, my room is right next door,” he nods. “Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Steve,” you smile as he shuts the door. 

You go to lay down and bite your lip. What an emotional day. Your heart was still pounding. If you knew one thing, it was that your body remember him. You didn't want to mix raw emotion with your mental state. You wanted to fall back in love with him. 

You did it once, you could do it again.


	30. Chapter 30

The bright sun in your face wakes you up. Sleeping was so…unpleasant. It always felt like you were missing something. You stretch and look at your side instinctively. You should really stop doing that, it made no sense. You go to the closet and pull out a shirt and some shorts to wear that might fit you. 

Walking around the apartment, you assume Steve must still be asleep. It wasn't too early in the morning but you didn't really hear anything but your own footsteps so you could only assume. You go to the bathroom door and open it. 

There stands a very naked Steve, drying himself off. Your eyes widen at the sight and he looks up at you. You can already feel the blush and you quickly shut the door. Your heart is pounding, your mind is filled with him. What you wouldn't give to be filled by-

“I’m so sorry!” You say into the door, “I thought you were still asleep!”

The door swings open and Steve walks out in a towel, chuckling, “good morning to you too.”

You bite your lip as you look at him then you quickly walk into the bathroom, hoping he didn't notice, “I-I’m sorry again. I really didn't know.”

“It’s quite alright,” he says, “it's not the first time you’ve seen me naked.”

You blush and slowly shut the door. When you hear him walk away, you drop the floor and swallow hard. You’ve been with him before. With  _ him _ before. He's touched you, made love to you… You needed a shower,  _ bad _ .

After your shower, you regain your composure and walk back out. Steve is now fully dressed and has a bag in his hand. 

“Terrence dropped this off for you,” Steve hands you the bag and you take it generously.

“What is it?” You open it and see clothing, “aw, that's so nice of him.”

Steve peaks in the bag as well, “oh, yes, he must've realized you needed more clothes.”

“How thoughtful,” you walk to your room, “I’m going to change then.”

“Alright, I’ll be here.”

You quickly throw on something else from the bag and walk back out. Steve is sitting on the couch with two cups of coffee. You join him.

“Thank you,” you pick up your coffee cup, “smells nice.”

“Yes,” Steve looks at you, with your hair still damp and your skin soft.

After you sip your coffee, you say, “would you be interested in...going out today?”

“Going out?” Steve curls his brow.

“You know,” you hold your coffee nervously, “if I do remember correctly, people would go out to grab food or see things and that helps determine whether or not they were...well...in love…”

You look over at Steve then back at your coffee quickly. Your heart was pounding and you feel like you’ve made a complete fool out of yourself.

“You...you want to try to fall in love with me again?” Steve stumbles his words but he gets his point across.

You slowly nods and lift your cup to hide your face as you say, “I would really like to try.”

“Yes,” Steve says. 

You turn to him and set your coffee down, “really?”

The smile he gives you is so hopeful, it makes your heart flutter. Of course, really. He was in love with you and you just told him you would try to love him again. Gosh, you have such a thick skull sometimes.

“Come on, I know just the places to go,” Steve gets up off the couch and humbly offers you his hand, which you take. His hand in yours is warm and comforting. You never want to let go. 

Steve leads you up the street, where a motorcycle is parked. He hands you a helmet and you graciously take it, putting it on. Once he's on, you slide behind him, holding him tightly. He smelt like morning dew, strange how you remembered what that smelt like. 

“First time on a motorcycle?” He asks you.

“I believe so,” you chuckle into his back. “Or else you wouldn't have asked.”

Steve laughs at that comment and drives off. 

Your whole day was absolutely wonderful. He took you to all of the museums in D.C, including the White House. You had special access to the different rooms in the White House, thanks to Steve being the face of America, practically. You both ate sandwiches under the Lincoln statue and watched the sunset. Steve really knew what you liked.

Once you were back home, you turn to Steve and say, “I had a wonderful time.”

His eyes lock onto yours and ask, “are you just saying that because we got to bowl in the White House?”

You bite your lip and nod, “that was awesome!”

Steve walks up to you and closes the space between the two of you. Your heart begins to pound again. You can feel Steve’s heart as well, going off crazy. 

“I promised I wouldn't do anything to you unless you wanted me to…” He says to you softly, hooking your hair behind your ears. 

God, he was so close. You could practically feel his body pressing against you. You place your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat against your palm. His beautiful eyes were looking so deeply into yours. 

“But I must ask,” he caresses your cheek with his thumb, “can I kiss you?”

The word dances off your lips, “yes.”

He leans down, letting his lips graze you slightly before kissing them. Your body melted with his kiss. When his lips part from yours, you pull him back and kiss him again, deeper. You couldn't help yourself, you didn't know what came over you. But you kissed him, you kissed him  _ good _ . You breathe heavily against his lips, his shirt balled up in your hand from tugging him towards you. 

“You asked me the same thing in my dream,” you sigh against him, “and I said yes that time too.”

“Then, should I dare ask…” He looks at you with such a need, “can I touch you?”

His hand sits itself neatly on your hip, waiting for an answer. His finger grazes your slightly exposed skin and you nearly let out a moan just from that skin to skin touch. 

“Please,” you reply, looking straight into his eyes, “please touch me.”

You don't know how but he picks you up into his arms without a second thought and carries you into his bedroom. Laying you down on his bed, he climbs over you, straddling you nicely. 

“If you need me to stop at any time, tell me,” he leans down to kiss you. “I don't want to get too carried away.”

You nod, “I’ll say something if I need to.”

“Good,” he goes to your ear and whispers, “feel free to say other things as well.”

The way he's looking at you makes you wonder how many times you've done this with him. He still looks at you like it's the very first time, with such a passion in his eyes. Steve throws off his shirt and sneaks his hands up yours, feeling you through your bra. You don't know what it is about his hand but they just know how to make you sigh. 

“Just like that,” he says to you, “just keep sounding like that.”

He pulls your shirt off then throws it to the side with his. Unhooking your bra, he lets to fall slightly then takes it off, just looking at you. You move your hands up to cover your blushing face but he moves them away.

“Don’t hide,” he keeps your hand on the sheets. “I love it when you look at me like this.”

Steve’s hands make their way to your breasts, caressing them gently. His lips press against yours again and he kisses you in a fiery heat. His hands gradually slide down to your skirt and he slowly pulls off your panties, keeping your skirt on. With your skirt in the way, you don't know where his hand is or what it's doing and it made your heart pound like crazy. You bite your lip as you feel him graze your core. 

“You're already so wet,” he smiles, “I guess you do remember me.” 

You feel his finger slip into of you and you gasp at the sudden entry. He quickly pulls out of you but you stop his arm.

“Don't stop,” you look up at him, “keep going Steve, please.”

He nods and he slips inside of you again, making you arch your back. You go to grip the sheets as he continues at a slow pace, occasionally rubbing your clit with his thumb. When he slides another finger inside of you, you can't help but moan his name. 

“Keep saying my name,” he says as he thrusts his fingers inside of you.

You listen and he starts to curl his fingers, “oh god..”

“Are you close?” He asks, grazing your g-spot ever so slightly.

“Yes,” you breathe, “so close.”

Steve then pulls his fingers out of you and says, “that's good to know.”

You whimper at the sudden emptiness. 

“Sorry, but you’ll forgive me in a second,” Steve goes to pull down your skirt, tossing it aside. He then pulls you to the edge of the bed, spreading your legs wide open. He kneels before you, his mouth kissing your thighs. When his tongue swirls your clit, you nearly lose it. He holds your legs as his tongue moves up and down your center. You begin to shake as he sucks on your clit, just having his way with you between your legs. 

As your orgasm overwhelms you, you can't help but scream his name over and over again. Happy with his work, he takes one final lap up your core and lays down beside you. You're completely stunned, unable to do anything but breathe heavy. Your body knew Steve well and he knew your body even better. 

“How do you feel?” He asks you calmly, “was it good?”

You look over at him, with his caring and sweet eyes, and just nod. When he looks at you like that, with a soft smile on his face, happy to have just made you feel good, you want to give him the whole world. You lean in and kiss him. He kisses you back, drawing circles on your back. Even though you're still sensitive, you straddle him, not letting go of his lips. 

He parts from your lips, “you don't have to do anything for me.”

“I want to,” you say as you go to kiss his neck, “may I?”

“Yes,” he sighs as you kiss his hot skin. You trail down his beautifully curved out body with kisses, ending right above his belt buckle. You undo his belt and his pants, exposing his boxers to the air. Steve kicks his pants off, leaving himself in only his boxers. You kiss him through the fabric, making him groan. He was already incredibly hard. 

“How do you like it?” You ask innocently, pulling his length out from his boxers. 

“Slow,” he sighs into your touch.

You nod and gently wrap your hand around him. Slowly, you pump up and down, twirling your thumbs against the tip whenever you reached it. Steve was laying back, clutching the sheets, spilling your name from his lips. It was an all too familiar scene. Watching Steve melt under your touch made you aroused and you wanted nothing more than to please him. You licked your lips and then swirled your tongue on his tip, still pumping his shaft. 

“You don't have to…” He speaks too late as you move him into your mouth, taking him whole. Steve groans, feeling you around him. You suck on him slowly, your eyes occasionally looking up at him. He had his hand on his face, covering the red blush that has overcome him. 

You take your time and move your tongue from the bottom to the tip, making Steve say your name. 

“You're really…” You trail your words off. “Can I…”

“They’re in the dresser,” Steve points his hand to the side table. “And please do.”

You nod and lean over to open the dresser, pulling out a condom. You roll it on Steve and then get on top of him again. Slowly and steadily, you let him fill you up. You’ve felt this full before, you know this feeling. It wasn't new but it felt good. 

“I’m so full,” you say as you clutch his chest, your hips finally touching his. Having him inside of you is… It's an experience. 

“God you're so wet,” Steve’s hands move to your hips, “you're clenching around me too, I can barely contain myself.”

You slowly pull yourself off of him and slide back down, a little faster this time. Feeling him fill you up makes you moan against him. You repeat this, pulling yourself up and dropping yourself back down.

“Please,” you say, holding his hands on your hips, “take me.”

“Are you sure?” He asks you. 

You nod and brace yourself. Steve lifts you off of him slightly then begins to thrust his cock in and out,  _ fast _ . He was hitting you deep inside, your vision began to blur. 

“Don't stop, please,” you moan, letting him ram himself inside of you. You can feel yourself getting wet, with him sliding in  and out, filling you to the brink. 

“Climax for me,” he breathes, thrusting inside of you with no end. 

You grip onto his chest as everything just explodes, your orgasm takes over. He rides out your orgasm and into his own, filling you with a wet liquid. You both lay there, breathing against each other.

There isn't much talking afterwards. You don't really know anything to say. After you both showered and dressed, you decided to sleep with him and as you laid in bed with him, you watch his eyes look at you.

“Today was…” You start to say.

“I think I got carried away,” Steve says. “I didn't mean to rush anything. It's just…”

“I understand,” you take his hand in yours. “I’m trying to understand my situation from your point of view and I get it.”

You knew that whatever you had felt for Steve before was true and perhaps it was still true. You can't help but think about how he must feel. You had shown up at his door, with no recollection of who he was at all. He harbors all his memories of you, having to suppress them because you knew none of it. You were supposed to share his world, as it was still foreign to him as well. But everything was foreign to you. You can almost feel the pain in his heart. 

There's a part of you that wishes you hadn't slept with him. He probably feels confused about the whole situation. You feel slightly selfish, having wanted to have sex with him in hopes to regain some memory. You remember the way his body felt against yours; it was not an unfamiliar feeling. But you still don't remember him. You don't remember loving him. 

“I don't know how many times I’ll say this,” you sigh into his warm hands, “I’m sorry I don't remember.”

“It's not your fault,” Steve holds your hands tightly. “Whoever did this to you didn't want you to remember. That's why you were originally across the country, as far away from me as possible. They probably feared that any interaction with me would cause you to remember again.”

“I do remember bits and pieces,” you lean your head against his chest. “But they're all a blur.”

“That's okay,” Steve says, adjusting himself to make you comfortable. “Give it time. We’ll work together, whatever you need.”

“Did we, um, do  _ that _ often?” You ask.

He chuckles, “do you want me to be truthful?”

“Well,” you blush, “that would be useful.”

“We did it quite often,” he says, a small smile forms on his face as he remembers. “You last very long.”

“And yet, I’m totally exhausted right now,” you laugh. 

Steve laughs as well, “it was a long day. I don't think I was even on my best game.”

“If that wasn't your best game…” You bite your lip, “I wonder how I felt when you were at your best.”

“Let's just say, there were a lot of sick calls when Bucky and I came back,” Steve chuckles. 

You suddenly sit up and Steve follows suit, looking at you concerned.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” 

Your head started to hurt and you clutch your temples. Steve goes to hold you, as your mind tried to remember something. It was his statement “when Bucky and I came back” that struck you. Your brain began a mad search for answers to a string of questions created by that statement. Were you not always with Bucky and Steve? What did they come back from? And then it hits you. 

“I remember,” you says, looking at Steve, breathing heavily. “I remember the day you came to the station as Captain America. I remember how my heart was beating fast as I ran up into your arms. I remember how it felt to finally see you after years.”

Tears begin to drip from your eyes. Your lip quivers and you're rushed with emotion. That longing, it was powerful. It felt like you were waiting years to finally see him again after having spent your entire life with him. And now you understood, fully, how he felt when he opened that door to see you again. 

“I missed you,” you look up at him, teary eyed and all. “I really, really missed you.”

Steve nods and tears begin to stream down his face too, “really?”

Your hands go straight for his face, holding him in your hands, “the feeling, rushing through me, is longing. I remember what it felt like to miss you so much, wanting to see you again.”

Steve leans up to kiss you and your mind runs wild, trying to fill in the gaps you had previously lost. You remembered enough fragments to piece together that you were close enough to him to have missed him when you were away from him. You're both complete messes, tears dripping everywhere. 

“I missed you, Y/N,” Steve says against your lips through his teary eyes.

You kiss him softly and say, “I missed you too, Steve.”

You wrap your arms around him tightly and he holds you against him, keeping you in a loving embrace. You missed him. You missed being in his arms, hugging him. You missed being able to look at him whenever you wanted. You missed laying next to him when you slept. You just wanted to hold him tightly forever.

You both gently lay down in bed and you snuggle closer to him, letting his warmth radiate against you. He twirls your hair with his fingers and you both just talk for a while. He answers some of your questions while you try your best to answer his. And then you fall asleep, resting against him. It was comforting and you don't think you’ve felt this good sleeping in a while.

It was a slow process, but you were gradually starting to remember him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the 21st century! We've finally made it, my friends. We have journey long and far to...oh, well, this memory loss thing will surely be a problem. Hopefully not for too long...though...who am I to say there won't be any problems in the nearby future? For now, let's rejoice in this lovely reunion. I suppose the question on all of your minds now is, where is Bucky? Stay tuned to find out. I hope you all enjoyed the update! It was a heavy one :)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently in progress so any suggestions/requests plot-wise are welcome!


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